The Last of Us: Recalled to Life
by Writingthisish
Summary: Three months after moving to town, Ellie and Joel struggle to face a normal life, both of them still haunted by the ghosts of their past. What happens when Ellie discovers Joel's poorly hidden secrets? What happens when other people enter their lives? At the end, will they still stick together?
1. Chapter one: Compromise

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 **All rights to The last of us totally belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony games. Cover image by Cyberaeon on Deviant art.**

 **I'm just a fan trying to live my fantasies through fiction. Please review, follow and favourite if you like it :)**

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 **SUMMER**

 **CHAPTER ONE**

Compromise

* * *

'There's still some left at Gerry's place, I heard.'

'Shut up Johnny. You hear all kinds of shit and none of it is ever true.'

'Yeah, last week you told us there was a bloater on the cliff. There was nothing, so stop.'

'It's not my fault! It was gone by the time you guys came along . .'

'Yeah right, fucker.'

The boys hopped over a mossy rock and trudged along their way, looking around anxiously for anything they could find. Sunlight dappled through the leaves and formed starry patterns on the ground, a sparrow chirped on a twig nearby.

'These look okay,' the smaller of the boys remarked, picking up a fallen branch. 'This is firewood, ain't it?'

'Yeah, I guess so,' the other examined it. 'Lets get more of these. Maybe if we get Earl extra he'll pay us more.'

Johnny scoffed, shaking his head. 'Like that's ever happening.'

A faint splash echoed in the distance, and the elder of the boys looked in it's direction. The woods were thick, with wide tree trunks blocking his line of sight, and the rocks and creepers aiding in the same. He caught a moving figure close by, and his paranoia grew. Slowly pulling out his Swiss knife, he tip toed in the direction of the rustling, gesturing his mates to remain quiet.

A lizard crawled about next to his feet, the feeble voice of a stream reached his ears. A palpable tension lingered in the humid summer air. The others watched warily, drawing out their own weapons.

He went forward, and caught the figure once again. All his senses were alerted, fearing that it was a clicker that had stumbled along into the woods somehow. He squinted, halted and listened.

It moved again, but this time, he caught something else. A mass of straight, brick coloured hair rounded up in a bun, pale skin occasionally falling under streaks of sunlight. He breathed out in relief and relaxed, holstering his weapon, smiling back at his mates.

'It's that red head from Boston,' He said to them, and they smiled. 'She's looking for something again.' He snickered, 'let's go check it out.'

Ellie could hear them clearly, but she gave no reaction, simply washed her feet in the stream. Her bow rested on a rock by her side, along with her blue backpack. A pair of dead squirrels were tied to it, and their empty eyes glared at the boys as they approached.

'Hey Ellie,' The elder one called, but she paid no attention. 'What you got over there?'

Ellie pulled her legs out of the water and slung her backpack over her shoulder, picking up her bow. She walked past the first boy, but the other three blocked her way, grinning down at her mischievously.

'Whoa what's the rush, Ellie?' One of them said, and looking at the squirrels, added, 'Hunting again huh? What are you, a savage?'

'We just wanna be friends, ya know,' Johnny said. Ellie looked at him indifferently, and tried to walk past only to be blocked again.

'Say what,' The elder one continued, resting one leg on a rock, looking at her with a glint in his eyes. 'Forgive my buddies, will you? Forget about them. Why don't you come out with me today?' He smiled at her confidently as she glanced back at him. Her face was gaunt, her fingers wrapped around her bow loosely. 'I can show you how to hunt flying birds, midway. Clean single shot.' The other boys guffawed, and one of them remarked, 'Yeah right Dom! Where did you get that from?'

'Maybe some other time, huh?' Ellie snapped, trying to make her way through the two boys, just to be hindered again. She stepped back and sighed, visibly annoyed. Her grip tightened around her bow. This was nothing new to her, being called out, being teased. Usually she would have broken their teeth by now, beaten them up black and blue. Today, she was tired. All she wanted was to get back home and have a bath, read a book.

'Don't be like that,' Dom drawled. 'I been to military schools too, ya know. I know how girls are there, but you ain't like those other girls. You're tough, aren't you? I bet you want to break my jaw right about now,' he taunted, stepping towards her, catching her emerald glower. 'Let's see how you deal with people like me, huh?'

'Trust me, you don't want to,' She said, and pushed her way across, walking in long, adamant strides. 'Go fuck yourselves!' She yelled, and heard them snickering.

'Going back to daddy huh?' She heard one of them. Ember turned to a flame, coursing through every vein in her body, and she paused in her way, looking down at the green moss. She clenched her grip around the bow, almost like she could crush it.

'Old man musta taught you some nice manners after last time,' he continued, hands in pockets, earning encouraging howls from his friends. 'You scared now huh!'

Her head went white, but her her cheeks and fingertips were red. Fuck it, she thought, pulling out an arrow from her backpack, turning around and aiming it at the four boys, pulling the string as taut as she could. A grin spread across her face when she saw their smiles fading, their backs straightening.

The thwack echoed in the woods, sending the sparrows into a frenzied flight.

* * *

Joel pulled the reins of the black stallion, sending it into a slow canter. As it reached the base of the metal watch tower, he descended, rifle in hand.

Damon grabbed the reins, tying them to a pole nearby. 'Another day done,' He smiled at Joel, patting the horse's neck.

'See you tomorrow,' Joel uttered out of force of habit, slinging his rifle across his shoulders. He walked across the yard and climbed the steps to the engine room, where Tommy was discussing some issues with the night guards. The sunlight filtered in through the meshed windows, casting light on the central table and five figures around it, everything else engulfed in darkness.

'Hey Joel,' the guards greeted him as he walked to the table, and took a seat opposite to Tommy. He flashed a tired smile and slumped into the back of the chair, taking a deep breath.

'Here,' Tommy offered him his canteen. 'Anything on the perimeter check?' he asked, watching him as he drank the water, visibly quenched.

Joel put it down, and shook his head. 'No infected. No bandits. Just found a dead couple a few metres north of the east road.'

'How old?' Hunter asked, leaning in.

'Two, three weeks. My guess is they died of thirst. No bullet holes or knife wounds.'

'That's good,' Hunter nodded.

Tommy got up, and patted Joel on the shoulder once on his way to the exit. Joel followed him out, grabbing his rifle along.

'Did you talk to Ellie about it, the last time?' Tommy asked, walking down the stairs, towards the exit gates.

'Yeah,' He finally answered, walking alongside Tommy.

'And what did she say?' Tommy asked, looking at him curiously.

'Nothin',' Joel replied, his eyes fixed on the gates ahead.

'Look, I love Ellie, and you know that,' Tommy began, slowing down midway, halting Joel by his shoulder as he tried to avoid the eye-to-eye. Joel sighed in frustration and waited for him to continue. 'She nearly shot an arrow at Ramone's son today afternoon,' he said.

Joel shrugged, like it wasn't a big deal. 'Anybody dead?' he asked.

Tommy shook his head. 'Thankfully not. But the point is-'

'Those boys need to learn some manners, Tommy,' Joel interrupted him. 'You know Ellie would never do somethin' like that until provoked. They must've said some nasty stuff to trigger her off like that.'

'I know,' Tommy nodded, understandingly. 'But this isn't the first time Joel. I talked to those boys too. To tell you the truth, I'm with Ellie. She's family, Joel.' He eyed him sharply. 'But I don't control this town. I can't keep explainin' to people why she keeps gettin' into fights with the neighbourhood. Now some of these parents are jackasses, I know . . But I can't control them if they get pissed.' Tommy looked at him, eyebrows raised.t me?' he concluded.

Joel gave a nod. 'I . . I'll talk to her today.'

Tommy nodded. 'See you around,' He said, and turned and left.

* * *

Joel opened the wooden door, mentally preparing himself for the talk he was supposed to give Ellie. A persistent fear sat in his stomach, one all too familiar. The fear of asking her to compromise, to make peace, to do what they expected. It was like expecting warmth from ice.

He looked around the living room, and found Ellie laying across the torn maroon couch, watching something on the 8 inch pocket TV he had given her a month ago. Her eyes didn't move from the screen, and her face was sullen. She wore her sleeveless red top and denim shorts, her jacket sprawled under her head.

'Hey kiddo,' he grunted as he sat back in the couch.

'Hey,' Ellie mumbled, eyes on the screen.

He looked at her, and realised that she wasn't really interested in the movie. He could see the concern in her eyes, the look she had on whenever she put a facade.

'Ellie,' Joel gently brushed a stray strand of brown hair behind her ear.

She looked at him now, waiting for him continue, and he collected himself, clearing his throat.

'Look,' Joel began, sitting forward, eyes on the ground, searching for words. 'Tommy told me, about those boys today.'

Ellie sighed and grunted impatiently. He could see the pain that crept into her eyes, that she tried to mask with frustration. 'It wasn't my fault,' she simply said, her eyes drifting away from him, stuck on the window.

'I know . .' Joel mumbled, shifting in his position nervously.

'I just shot an arrow above the fucker's head as a warning, that's all. He kept taunting me.'

Joel sighed, stroking her hair. 'Tell you the truth, Ellie,' he said, 'I'm glad you did that. I'm sure they deserved it.' He bent down and gently kissed her forehead. She wrapped her arm around his waist, and they sat that way for a while, his cheek resting on her head.

'Is this how you lived before the Cordyceps?' Her voice was barely audible, muffled in his flannel.

He felt a pang of hurt in his chest, his fear taking form right in front of him. Fear of disappointing her, of giving her false hopes and promises about what life would be like in this town. That it would be easy to fit in, easy to pretend like the rotten outside world didn't exist.

The truth was miles away from that. It hurt Joel to think that he couldn't remember how to fit in anymore.

He could only imagine what Ellie must be going through. He could tell that for her, it was harder than killing infected. It was a different kind of challenge, a personal kind. He saw that every time he found her looking into the mirror, apprehensively doing her hair, tying her ponytail with that distant look in her eyes. He saw it in her lowered gaze when kids of her age passed by. Every time she went out 'to get fresh air', he knew she meant hunting or horse-riding, activities that kept her away from people.

'Give it time,' was all he said.

'I don't know what to do here,' Ellie said. 'Can I come with you to work tomorrow?'

'Of course you can,' he mumbled into her hair.

Even now, he couldn't sleep peacefully at night unless he was confident that Ellie was comfortably snoring in her bed. Only then would he turn off all the lights and retire to his room. Sometimes, he would see Ellie sneaking in and getting into the bed with him, burying her face in his chest as she slept, probably after having a nightmare.

There was nobody else for him now, nobody worth lying so much for.

Nobody.

He stroked her hair lovingly, the dial of his broken watch shining in the streak of sunlight.


	2. Chapter two: Fears

**––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––**

 **––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––**

 **All rights to The last of us totally belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony games.**

 **I'm just a fan trying to live my fantasies through fiction. Please review, follow and favourite if you like it :)**

 **––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––**

 **––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––**

 **CHAPTER TWO**

Fears

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'Go check out the East wing of the dam, yeah?' Joel said to his companion, who nodded and pulled his horse onto the neighbouring path.

'Should I check the bridge?' Anna asked, and Joel nodded.

'Take Jamieson with you today. Yesterday Yao found someone lurkin' 'round near the rocks. Might be some bandits,' He warned her pulling the reins of his horse, trying to calm it down.

Anna nodded.

'Don't engage anybody,' Joel added. 'If you find somethin' shady, just come back and inform. Got that?'

'Definitely,' Anna trotted forward with Jamieson, onto the straight path ahead.

'Wow,' Ellie let out a low whistle. 'All these people work for you?' She asked from behind.

'They help out,' Joel explained. 'Alright, you ready? We're gonna go 'round the river today.'

'Would be, if I had my own horse,' she muttered under her breath. Joel ignored the comment, and pulled the reins to set the horse into a trot.

'Whats his name?' Ellie asked, stroking the horse's thigh.

'Uhh . . Roger, I think,' Joel answered.

Clouds rolled lazily in the sky, sometimes hiding the sun and at others, exposing it's brilliance. Sunlight was subtle, barely there, it was one of those peculiar cold summer days. Dragonflies were fewer in number, only one or two humming about around the bushes.

Tommy always wanted the perimeter patrol to stick to the main paths and avoid going into the deeper parts of the forest, because it was easier to get attacked there. Joel always followed the rule, although sometimes he did wander off when he felt adventurous or overly confident. Today he reminded himself that he couldn't, because Ellie was with him. He knew the girl could hold her own, but he didn't want to take the slightest chance.

He kept Roger on a straight path along the river, listening to Ellie talk about her latest fascination - Heavy metal music. There was a woman named Angelica that lived near their house, who was friendly with Ellie. She visited her often, and sometimes brought back with her new obsessions that she caught on at her house. This time it was songs of suffering and death with blaring guitar scores and shattering drum backgrounds.

'Apparently, there was this one guy,' She continued, 'Who wrote songs about choking himself to death. Like, for, years. That's all he wrote about. He had a shrine dedicated to suicide too, did you know?'

'Uh-huh,' Joel sighed. As an eternal lover of music, he felt hypocritical to criticise any kind of genre, but songs about suicide were definitely not his thing. Never had been, either.

'I'm not like obsessed with suicide or something, but some of these songs are actually haunting, y'know?' Ellie chirped. 'You can't forget some of these lyrics. They're just so heartfelt!'

He looked ahead at the road, and found a lump on a rock in the far distance. He forced Roger into a canter and felt the rhythm speeding up.

'Whoa,' he heard Ellie, as she caught sight of it. He approached the rock, and the image started making sense. An arm, legs, one bent in and other stretched out. Short black hair, and a faded green backpack on the ground next to the rock. He saw a shot gun poking out of it. The horse came to a halt in front of the rock.

'Ellie.'

'Already loaded,' She answered, holding the 9mm in her hand. 'I'll cover you if there's any surprises.'

Joel nodded and got off the horse. His buttoned down grey flannel shirt fluttered in the breeze, the humidity seeping right through the black T-shirt under it. He felt a bead of sweat roll down the midline of his chest as he approached the body.

He held out a hand and felt for a pulse under the woman's jaw, and felt a feeble throb, next to nothing.

'She's alive, but barely,' He remarked. Her shirt and jeans torn at several places. She had caked blood on her forehead and right fingers, a fine line trickled down the corner of her mouth. Her lips were chapped and bleeding at several points, her tongue almost dry and pale. The ends of her short hair were damp, so he guessed that she almost drowned in the water or something. The steady music of the flowing water sounded malicious now.

Ellie got off the horse, holding its reins. She picked up the green backpack and looked through it.

'She has nothing,' Ellie explained. 'Only some papers and a shot gun,'

Joel moved back and looked at the backpack, checking all the compartments. He found a map, some shot gun bullets and a photograph of the woman with a man. He took the items of value and left the bag there, walking back to the horse.

'Whoa, wait!' Ellie exclaimed. 'You're just gonna leave her there? She's alive!'

Joel got onto the horse and looked at Ellie. 'Barely,' he reminded her. 'She won't make it more than an hour.'

'Shouldn't we take her back to town?' Ellie insisted, bewildered.

'You don't know where she's from, Ellie,' he reminded her. 'She could be an infiltrator or something. Sent by some hunters or-'

 _Fireflies_ , he thought to himself.

'Well we can't just leave her here,' Ellie mumbled, bending and pulling the woman's hair back, checking under the tears in her clothing and bleeding points. 'She's not bit either,' She added.

Ellie pulled out her canteen and poured some water onto the woman's face, and then some into her dry mouth. Joel watched warily, one hand on his pistol, taking the reins of the horse and pulling it gently to stability.

The woman gave no response, not even a muscle twitch. Ellie moved back, pushed her canteen back into her bag.

'Come on, Ellie,' Joel called, knowing well that the lady was a lost cause. Even if she did have a sliver of life now, there was no way she could hold onto it for more than two hours. Looking at her backpack, he decided that she didn't pose much of a threat either.

Ellie glanced back at the woman once, and got onto the horse. Joel followed and pulled the reins. He looked to his right, at the uneven surfaces of the rocks that led to the water a few feet below. They turned around and went back along the road. He could feel Ellie turning back and looking, but he kept his eyes on the road ahead.

'She's moving!' Ellie exclaimed suddenly. Joel turned the horse halfway and looked at the rock, and saw the woman propping herself up on her elbows, coughing, wheezing.

Ellie got down and rushed to her aid, and Joel followed slowly on his horse, once again pistol in hand. He saw her cuts and bruises as he approached, the crimson patches on the lady's sun-tanned skin. There were straight gashes, some of them deep, and he knew them well from fights with hunters. They looked fresh too, so he guessed that there was a gang of bandits hiding somewhere in the woods. The woman must have stumbled across them, met with misfortune.

Ellie stopped at a safe distance from the rock, while the woman opened her eyes groggily and looked at her. She looked lost, confused and irritated. She tried to sit up, but groaned in pain, clutching her left shoulder.

'How did you get here?' Joel asked her, from the top of the horse. Ellie still had her gun in her hand, and was looking back and forth between him and the woman.

The woman said something, and started coughing immediately. Her voice was cracked, hoarse. She held her chest and blurted out something that sounded like 'Water.'

Ellie handed her her canteen again, and she took long gulps, nearly finishing the contents. She looked at Joel as she handed the empty bottle back to Ellie.

'Who are you?' She asked, panting. 'Where's my bag?'

Joel gestured to Ellie and she immediately took hold of the shot gun, holding it away from the woman.

'Were you lookin' for somethin'?' Joel repeated, leaning forward on the horse.

'No,' she finally answered, eyeing Joel suspiciously. 'I was travelling with a man. We ran into hunters on the highway, got separated. I kept running and tripped into the river.' Her voice was still cracked, but clear. She was struggling for breath, one hand tightly clutching her left shoulder.

'Did the hunters follow you?' He asked.

She shook her head. 'I don't know. I think I lost them on the way, or they must've left after I fell into the river.'

'Alright,' he nodded once, beckoning Ellie to return to the horse.

'Wait!' the woman exclaimed suddenly. 'I'm looking for the town. There's a town nearby. We've been searching for it.'

* * *

Joel felt curious eyes on him as he waited in the sitting room at the dam. Ellie sat beside him, her nose buried in a book, silent except for the occasional page turning. He saw past the glass and into the room, where Maria and Tommy were interrogating the woman.

'Whats do you think they'll do?' He heard Ellie ask, her head out of the book.

Joel shrugged. 'I don't know. Might let her stay in a tent or something for a while if her story checks out.'

'She seems believable to me,' Ellie muttered. 'Thankfully about it. She fought off a group of hunters and came here looking of the town. People get killed so many times looking for it.'

'Exactly,' Joel looked at her. 'Somebody that could fight off a gang of hunters by themselves is never just anybody.'

Ellie looked at her, like she was thinking about it. She gave an understanding nod.

'Anyway, that's none of our business,' Joel grunted, getting up. 'We should be on our way. Tommy will take care of this.'

' 'kay,' Ellie mumbled, getting up, throwing glances at the room as she followed Joel outside.

On their way back home, Joel couldn't help but think about the woman. A fear sat deep in his mind, extending it's dark arms and sucking in all his thoughts. He held her green backpack in one hand. _What if she was firefly?_ Was all he could think about.

There were still some of them left, from what he had heard. After Salt lake city, their structure crumbled and the faction fell apart in less than a month. Nobody seemed daring or worthy enough to replace Marlene, so nobody did. People left the faction, fought among themselves, died anyway. But there were still a few packets left across the country, lurking, waiting.

After getting home, Ellie went to her room for a shower, and Joel sat on his bed. He overturned the contents of the backpack, spreading them all over his bed. There were a few pictures, letters, a map. He found a med kit, scissors and some left over bean soup in a can.

No firefly pendant. No other weapon.

He sat back in the chair and looked at the contents, at the faded backpack, remembering Marlene, the final shot he had put through her head. He felt no remorse, and if given a chance, he knew he'd do it again. He didn't regret any part of it.

He had told Tommy about his secret long ago, and to his surprise, Tommy had made his peace with it immediately. He wasn't happy about it, especially since Marlene was good in his eyes. But he had looked at Joel, and said to him that he was the only family he had, and that was that. Joel knew that there would be no judgement passed, both of them were just too tired of finding reasons to stay apart.

He remembered Tommy's words when he had shared the concern of running into fireflies that would try and take Ellie away from him. Tommy had dismissed it. 'The fireflies are done, Joel. Your secret's buried. Last I heard, the last battalion had met with an ambush from some hunters in Pittsburgh, and that was that.'

He sat back and took a deep breath, telling himself the same, again and again.

 _No fireflies._


	3. Chapter Three: Trust

**CHAPTER THREE**

Trust

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'She's legit,' Maria said to Joel. 'She told us exactly the things we broadcasted on the radio yesterday, asking for survivors and telling them to arrive to the town.'

'What?' Joel looked at her incredulously. 'Why would you do that? There are bandits out there waiting to get in!'

'And they're getting fewer by the day,' Maria shrugged. 'Point is, this town was made to be a safe haven for lost people. What's the use if nobody can reach it?'

Joel shook his head once, still dismissive about the idea. Maria poured him a glass of old whisky from the bottle. Ellie had gone with Angelica again, who was apparently taking her fishing. Joel could feel the fear rising up in him again, and he looked at Maria, sharply. 'Do you trust this Angelica woman?' He asked, turning the low ball glass in his hand.

Maria looked at him for a second, appalled. 'Of course, Joel. She went to school with me. I've known her since my childhood.'

'Well . .' He muttered with a shrug, looking out the warehouse window at the twilight sky. The wooden structure was located on top of a slope, about a mile north of the ranch houses near the dam. It served as a resting place for the workers and guards, once they were relieved of their duties for the day. The ceiling was dark, with metal chains hanging down at the edges. Broken engine parts and repaired machinery sat below brown shrouds at the corners, and the whole place smelled of sawdust, of freshly cut wood.

'You can't be with her all the time, you know,' Maria said, catching him off guard. Joel looked at her, eyebrows scrunched. He never took others opinions on his and Ellie's relationship lightly. Not just anybody could understand the gravity of the situation, of the lengths he had and would go to keep her safe.

'She's just fifteen Joel,' Maria continued, recognising the slight offence he had taken, visible in the crease between his eyebrows, and the frown. 'She's a teenager. Remember how fucked up that age is?' She took a sip of the alcohol, and looked out the window, at the setting sun. 'She needs some time alone to herself, she needs change. She might not tell you everything now, but she will when she's ready. You can't force things out of her.'

Joel finished his drink in one gulp, and put the glass back on the wooden crate. His eyes fell on his watch, caught the holes in its surface, the hands halted where they had ten years ago.

'She can take care of herself,' Maria reminded him. 'She's the toughest kid I've ever come across, to be honest. Strong, ruthless - kinda like you.'

'Not too proud of that,' he mumbled, rejecting any more of the whisky she was offering him.

'She'll learn things her own way,' Maria shrugged. 'Meanwhile, I think you gotta loosen up. Go hunting, find a woman. How long has it been?'

'Uhh . .' Joel tried to shrug the question off, but Maria was persistent. He knew he couldn't keep her curious for long, once she was interested in something. 'I don't know . .' he simply muttered, annoyed.

He remembered Tess - her dark hair, her voice. It was fresh in his mind, like he had just seen her today morning, just watched her walking toward him, talking to him, giving him that blazing look of hers. Her confident gait, her fearless eyes.

'Was she special?' Maria asked, ignoring his annoyance. She poured herself another glass, looking at him once in a while, waiting for an answer.

He said nothing for a few seconds, eyes on the window, observing a lonely dragonfly, buzzing on top of a shrub.

'Yeah,' he finally mumbled, his voice meek, soft.

'Well,' Maria eyed him, a slight hint of pity in her eyes. 'Hope she's in peace.'

The dragonfly disappeared among the shrubs, and the sun sunk into the hills, leaving behind a palette of orange, pink and blue.

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Ellie held a box with a freshly caught fish, it's stench filling her nose from all the way down. She was excited to show it off to Joel, maybe tempt him into going fishing once. Although, she doubted if his ham hands could pull of the subtlety of the act.

Angelica walked by her, her grey hair pulled into a ponytail. She was an old woman, nearly fifty-five, but was stronger than most people her age. She lived alone, and always had something interesting to tell or show Ellie.

'Next time, don't break the fishing rod, you got me?' she said to her, and Ellie flushed. 'Sorry,' she mumbled. Angelica muffed her hair and pulled her into a brief sideways hug.

They walked through the main Street, under the lamplights on the footpath. A few people lingered on the road, talking, walking back home. Ellie heard horses in the distance, and looked ahead to find two familiar figures trotting in her direction. She recognised Tommy, who stopped in front of her as he passed, and behind him, she saw a worker, with the same woman seated before him on the horse. Her shoulders and hands were bandaged, blood was cleaned off of her skin. Tommy greeted her and Angelica.

'Where you ladies off to?' He asked, smiling.

'We just got this!' Ellie exclaimed, opening the lid of her box to show the fish, proudly. 'It took me three tries to catch this baby!'

'Impressive as always, Ellie,' Tommy grinned. 'Why don't you strut along. I'm just showing this girl you saved her new home. I can drop you off on the way.'

Ellie looked at Angelica apprehensively, who nodded at her. 'Go along, I can find my way back.'

Ellie smiled and got onto the horse behind Tommy. 'Take care, Tommy,' Angelica wished, and went along her way. Tommy nodded and sent the horse trotting again. Ellie looked at the woman on the horse beside hers, a curiosity building up in her. She still looked delirious, her eyes groggy, her head resting against the torso of her rider. The bandages around her head and fingers had patches of soaked blood, and her neck was slick with sweat.

'Is she alright?' Ellie asked Tommy in a hushed voice.

'She'll be fine, Ellie,' Tommy said, looking halfway back. 'Just a few wounds that will heal with time.' They passed through the residential area, where houses lay on either sides of the road, small and big, all with sloping wooden and tile roofs. Ellie saw a few kids playing in front of the orphanage, a few teenagers sitting on a bench user a lamp, an old couple walking on the footpath. Some of them smiled at Tommy, and stared at her curiously.

'You did a fine job today, honey,' she heard Tommy say. 'The poor girl would've been dead by now, if it weren't for you. I know Joel would've left her if you hadn't helped.'

'Surprise, surprise,' Ellie rolled her eyes.

'Where are you keeping her?'

'That's the thing here,' Tommy shook his head. 'We could leave her at the tents, but last month a runner found its way in there, being on the edge of town and all. The empty houses and apartments were voted to be left for bigger families that could move in. For today I'm leavin' her with George here,' he motioned towards the woman's rider.

'Doesn't he have like five kids?' she whispered, and Tommy shrugged.

Ellie looked at the woman's limp body, the scars on her collar bones and her dry lips. She knew Joel would be mad at her for this, but she went ahead with it anyway.

'Joel and I could keep her,' she suggested. 'Until you find her a place, that is.

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'Jesus,' Joel grumbled under his breath as he saw Tommy carrying the woman towards the house, Ellie walking along behind him.

'What's this s'posed to mean?' He said louder as they walked past him, entering the hall. 'I thought this house was just for me and Ellie, Tommy.'

'Ellie here,' Tommy grunted, placing the woman gently down on the couch, 'still has some hope in this world, brother, unlike you. She's keepin' this lady in here, takin' care of her until we find a home.'

Joel looked at Ellie, slightly confused and bewildered. 'You didn't run it by me before?' he asked, and Ellie rolled his eyes at him.

'Whoa now,' Tommy raised his hands halfway. 'She owns this house just like you do. In fact, I think I'm gonna put it in her name instead o' yours. You'd like that, wouldn't you?' He grinned at Ellie, fist-bumping her.

Joel shook his head at both of them, containing his irritation. He gestured Tommy into the kitchen, and gently closed the door halfway behind him.

'Joel, we've cross checked that girl a hundred times. Trust me, she's just a survivor,' Tommy explained. 'You ain't got nothin' to worry about.'

'How do you know?' Joel asked, looking at him.

'The north patrol found a dead body of a man near the highway today, after you returned,' he explained. 'T'was the same guy in the picture the girl was carryin' around. Her story checks out. Look, all she is, is a fortunate girl that escaped the bandits and found her way to the town. We find survivors like her often. Trust me.'

Joel looked at Tommy's earnest eyes. He'd known since their childhood, that Tommy was the better of them both. Joel had had a nasty habit of getting into fights with other kids at middle school, breaking jaws and bones, while Tommy was always the empathetic one, intervening and stopping him from doing further damage. While Joel was frequently out cutting wood and doing other odd jobs to support them both and Sarah, Tommy had continued his schooling, as was expected of him. He was the golden boy, the one with the heart. Even all those years they had spent as hunters, Tommy would always let the travellers go, sometimes offer them some food or supplies, while Joel did his part and left them to their fate.

Now he looked at his little brother's honest face, his genuine eyes. There were only two people in this entire world he would ever trust his life with. Ellie, and Tommy.

He sighed, giving an exhausted nod. 'Alright,' he replied, and Tommy patted him on the back, grinning.

He returned to the hall, and saw Ellie sitting by the woman, who was now looking at her weakly.

Tommy left, and Joel joined Ellie, sitting opposite to them on the edge of the broken coffee table.

The woman slowly turned towards Joel, her deep blue eyes boring into his. She looked defeated, weak, and yet her eyes had an ember in them.

'Her name is Vera,' Ellie said. 'This is Joel,' she smiled at the woman. Joel nodded at her, and Vera simply blinked.

'You need to get some rest,' Joel said.

Ellie gestured with her eyes to Vera's legs, and Joel saw that the left foot was bandaged. He sighed, got up and gently lifted her, one hand under her knees and the other carrying her back. He carried her to the spare bedroom upstairs, and Ellie followed. When he laid her down on the bed, she looked at Ellie and him, and faintly mouthed, 'Thank you.'

Her lower eyelids welled up.


	4. Chapter Four: Acceptance

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Acceptance

* * *

Three weeks passed, during which Joel continued his daily guard and patrol duty, and Ellie nursed Vera with Angelica's help. They had both taken a liking to her, especially Ellie. Tommy had dropped in on the second day, to give her the news of the body they had found of her comrade, and Vera cried. He was her friend, she had told them. A friend with whom she had escaped from the Lincoln QZ after it's fall. After that, Vera seemed more resolved, and barely needed any help moving about from Ellie, even though she stumbled a few times. Ellie was impressed with her, grew more and more curious about her.

Vera was nineteen, although she appeared mature for her age. She was athletic, had toned arms and legs, collar bones that stood out like blades. Her hair was only an inch longer than Joel's, and her face was crowned with sharp cheek bones and an angular jaw. Her lips were thin, and had once been pink. Now they were chipped and dotted with red scars and bruises. She was about four inches taller than Ellie, so most of her clothes fit Vera.

Joel had still not taken a liking to her, and every time she wasn't around, he'd ask Ellie when she was leaving. Ellie found it frustrating, especially since she had taken so much pain to nurse Vera, something she had never done for a complete stranger before.

Today, Ellie and Vera were heading to the woods nearby to hunt, because Vera had insisted on it. Joel was back at the watch tower for the afternoon, Angelica had some business at her pawn shop.

'You use your bow for hunting?' Vera asked, as they skipped over a fallen, moss covered log.

'Yeah,' Ellie answered, turning halfway back. 'It's much quieter, so makes the hunt easier.'

The sun was blocked by the swaying trees, making only small pockmarks on the ground here and there. Ellie gestured for Vera to stop, and bent down. Vera followed, and asked, 'Where?'

Ellie raised a finger and pointed to a far away shrub between rocks, where a rabbit hopped out from a hole. It's grey fur was clearly visible in the filtered sun, it's movements obvious as it ran it's paws over its ears and face.

Ellie drew an arrow to the string and pulled, feeling the appropriate cracking sound, listening for the exact click that indicated the right amount of tautness. She took a deep, silent breath, and aimed it at the rabbit, praying for it to not move. She could feel a slight tremor in her fingertips as Vera watched, and realised that she was embarrassed, although she had no idea why.

She felt a sudden swift movement by her neck, like a strong breeze. A thwack followed, sending the insects scurrying away, and the rabbit lay in a splatter of red against a tree bark.

Ellie swung back and looked at Vera, wide-eyed. She found her grinning back at her, three throwblades in her hand.

'Fuck!' Ellie exclaimed, delighted and surprised, looking at the blades. 'How did you do that? Who taught you?'

Vera shrugged and walked to the kill, pulling the blade out of the rabbits neck and cleaning it on a cloth she carried with her belt.

'A little something I taught myself,' she smiled, as she picked up the rabbit and walked towards Ellie.

'That was so cool!' Ellie exclaimed, fascinated. Vera laughed, sitting on the log beside Ellie.

She tied the animal to her backpack by the neck, letting it hang at the side. 'You know that rabbit belongs to me right? I spotted it,' Ellie reminded Vera with a smile.

'No way Jose,' Vera shook her head. 'You'll get yours when you catch one with your arrow. Bet that would take you minutes, ugh. Throwblades take seconds, just so you know.'

'Whoa now!' Ellie raised her eyebrows at her. 'Is that a challenge I hear?'

Vera looked at her, raising an eyebrow. 'If you're looking for one,' she smiled confidently.

Ellie groaned. 'You are so on,' she squinted her eyes at her. They giggled, and immediately set off in one direction ahead, slowly increasing the distance between them, looking for their own game.

'First to catch three rabbits wins!' Ellie heard Vera declaring from across a glade. 'And I already have a headstart!' she wiggled the dead rabbit hanging from her bag. Ellie looked back ahead, shrugging off her taunt with a smile. She inched forward, eyes quickly scanning the terrain for any movement. She ventured further and deeper into the woods, arrow locked onto her bow. Her footsteps were light as feathers, and Vera's were heavy. She could hear the rustling of Vera's movements from across the glade, and snickered to herself. She spotted movement up ahead, and immediately covered herself behind a rock, aiming her arrow in the direction of the sound.

She heard Vera moving close to her from behind, and smiled to herself. She wasn't going let her have her kill. After setting the aim at the pouncing rabbit, she waited for it to halt so she could shoot without missing. The rustle behind her grew louder, and sent a chill down her spine. Ellie relaxed the bow and looked back, but it was too late.

A hand wrapped around her mouth, and another figure appeared at her feet, lifting them up. She struggled, swung her hands around and tried to bite into the fingers choking her mouth, but they were too big. She tried to kick the man holding her legs, made noises, but to no avail.

She dug her nails into the man's fingers, then into his face, and finally felt his eyelids. She dug them in mercilessly before he could shake them off, felt the wet surface of his eyeballs as she clawed on them. The man screamed in pain.

'Fuck!' the one at her feet exclaimed, pulling out a pocket knife, raising it high above her knee. Ellie saw it, the tip of the knife glinting in the sun, at the peak of it's parabola, just before he brought it down into her knee. She shut her eyes.

She heard flesh tearing, but felt nothing. The grip around her feet fell, and so did the one around her mouth. She steadied herself onto her feet, panting, saw the silver throwblades poking out of the first one's temple. The one behind her was still alive, grunting in pain at the blade that was buried in his shoulder.

'Motherfucker!' she yelled in fury, pulling out her switch blade and stabbing his eye, deep until the entire length of the blade disappeared. She pulled it out, and he fell back quietly, blood splattering onto her knuckles.

She saw Vera rushing to her, yelling, 'There's two more coming! Run, Ellie!'

She sprained her foot on the way and slipped. Ellie called out her name and rushed to her aid, bending to look at the gushing blood at the ankles, soaking the bandages wet. She heard voices from behind, and immediately turned, bow and arrow ready in hand. She shot thrice, missed once, but saw the two running figures falling dead.

'We should go,' she turned and said to Vera, wrapping one hand around her shoulder, holding her firmly by the waist with the other. 'There must be more around. Come on, bear with me.'

'Fuck,' Vera cussed in pain, limping along with Ellie.

* * *

Tommy observed Joel after his guard shift today, saw him distracted as he sat down next to him in the engine room. He saw him looking back, once, twice, then turn to the table and sigh impatiently. He ran his hand on the back of his head, and turned back once more, finally breaking Tommy's patience.

'What you lookin' at so much?' he asked, legs rested on the table.

Joel looked at him, shrugged. 'Ellie was supposed to meet me about now. She's gone hunting with that girl.'

'Still having trouble making friends, huh?' Tommy shook his head slowly. 'You should be glad Ellie found a friend, ya know. The girl will have somebody with her when she kicks others asses now.'

Joel gave a wry smile, taking a gulp of water from his bottle. He saw a familiar figure pass by down to the turbines, and his eyesight followed almost reflexively. Tommy noticed and glanced behind him, and Joel immediately regretted it.

He saw Kenda, walking along the railing, talking to one of the engineers, gesturing at the turbines and engines. Her black hair was tied up in a bun, strands falling out, framing her defined face. Her cinnamon skin glowed, and the shoulders glimmered with sweat.

Tommy looked back at Joel knowingly, pointing at her casually with a thumb. 'You should go talk to her,' he suggested.

Joel exhaled, 'Please don't,' he simply said. He tried his best not to look at her, instead let his eyes drift along the uninteresting boxes and shelves in the room, but they caught her again. It took him a few seconds to break off, once again realising that Tommy had noticed.

'You used to be the tough one, Joel,' Tommy smiled at him. 'Never seen you shyin' away from talkin' to a girl like that. Go make your move and stop checkin' her out like a goddamn school boy.'

'I'm too old for that crap,' Joel simply exhaled, tapping his fingers on the table, making sure he looked nowhere in her direction until she walked away.

'Could've taken her home tonight,' Tommy mumbled, scratching his head with a finger.

'Joel!' Damon called from the ground outside. Joel got up and followed the voice, saw Damon below the stairs, pointing at the gate.

His eyes followed, and met with Ellie and Vera walking in, Vera's hand wrapped around Ellie's shoulder, limping with each steady step Ellie took. Ellie's hands were red, and her blue shirt was splattered with crimson.

Joel felt a shudder down his spine as he rushed towards them, felt the familiar dread as he saw the blood on Ellie.

'What the fuck happened?' he demanded, approaching Ellie, taking her free hand into his. He felt his heart beat relax as he saw no wound, just blood.

'We were attacked by these bandits in the woods,' Ellie answered. 'Vera's wound opened. She needs help right now!'

Tommy saw this and called on the medic, while Joel carried Vera in his arms to the engine room.

'I told you not to go off alone like that,' he grumbled as he lay her down on the table. He faced Ellie again, his eyes squinted in anger. 'You take yourself for granted, Ellie. You could've been killed!'

'Vera saved me!' Ellie exclaimed. 'I handled myself, okay? I don't need you to lecture me on what's safe and what's not, and you know that!'

Joel opened his mouth with a retort, but stopped when he felt Tommy's reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Ellie rushed to the table and watched as the medic dressed and cleaned her wounds again, and Vera winced in pain. She wrapped her hand around Vera's, reassuringly.

'Let it go,' Tommy said to Joel.

Joel could still feel his heart racing in his chest, it's rhythm confused between calm and fear. His fists were clenched, his eyes found Ellie again. He had an urge to yell at her, to let her know how scared he was, to let her know what would happen to him if something had gone wrong with the bandits.

But he bit his tongue. Reluctantly, he walked over to her, and gently stroked the back of her head. Ellie looked up at him with concerned eyes, and he smiled at her. A barely there smile, born more out of worry and remorse than joy, but reassuring nonetheless. She saw his hazel eyes - kind, old, tired. Full of love.

'I'm okay,' she assured him, looking at him sharply, her emerald eyes subtly lingering on his. There was much more to those words, many emotions laced in them than what meets the eye.


	5. Chapter Five: Change

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Change

* * *

Joel grew more and more cautious, stayed home more often with Ellie. While Ellie enjoyed his company the most, she could see that he was afraid, reluctant, always scanning the surroundings for any possible threat. He took her swimming one day, and they splashed around in the water for hours. He tried to teach her how to move her hands and legs, how to balance herself in water, but he never let go of her. Vera accompanied them sometimes, being held up most of the evenings with her guard duty, now that she had healed.

When home, Ellie always spent her time with Vera. Both of them had bonded on a deeper level, and she felt something familiar rising up in her heart. She was fascinated by Vera, by the way she thought, her words, her open, rhythmic laugh. She gazed at her often, subconsciously. Her eyes would drift off unknowingly, without a purpose, confusing Ellie until they found the object of their affection. She found the same being reciprocated.

Vera taught her how to throw a blade expertly, positioning her hands on hers from behind in way that almost felt like a caress. She would look at Vera's eyes, get lost in them for a few seconds innocently, and then immediately break it off. Vera found it both confusing and adorable.

Every time Ellie had such thoughts about Vera, along with the warmth, she felt a cold, black dread. It tore open her old wounds, exposed the flesh to the ruthless air. Every time she thought of Vera, in the back she found a shadow of a familiar girl- tall, dark skin, charming smile. A firefly pendant around her neck.

So she distanced herself. Told herself that these warm feelings weren't for her slippery heart. She knew that something like this would end in a disaster, whether they liked it or not.

That evening, she and Vera walked back home with the week's ration, a few vegetables and a bottle of milk, along with two hot cakes they had bought in exchange for a rabbit. Vera was going to accompany Ellie back home and head out for her guard duty. Her shot gun was poking out of her backpack.

The air around them was cold, strange, and both of them were aware of it.

'Sooo,' Vera sang in a deliberately jolly tone, lifting up the second dead rabbit from her backpack. 'I heard Bree from the exchange shop has some smokes somewhere. Think we could get some for this?' she waved the rabbit with her signature smile.

'No,' Ellie simply said, 'I think she sells it for more. A can of fuel, maybe.'

'Bollocks,' Vera grumbled, sighing. She put the rabbit back and looked at Ellie. Ellie suddenly felt conscious, uncomfortable. She felt the alarm going off in her head, red and blaring.

'Ellie,' she heard Vera cooing from her side, and the concern in her voice made her heart melt. 'Is there something you're not telling me?'

Ellie built up her courage and looked at her, and it took every ounce of strength to hold her eye, sharply. The words fell from her, and once she opened her mouth, she found no control over her tongue, her hands and eyes.

'I had a friend back in Boston. My best friend,' she said, and gulped, keeping her eyes locked on Vera's. She saw Vera's concern, her interest. 'We were dancing in the mall and, she was going to leave me forever, and I just couldn't take that thought anymore because I loved her. She was the only one I had, and I just couldn't,' She felt a lump forming in her throat, sitting there like a rock, but she continued unhindered. 'Then the runners came and before I knew, I was bit, and so was she. So we decided to wait it out, spend whatever time we had with each other until we became those things. And then I waited, and waited, and waited. And I watched her turn,' Ellie maintained her face gaunt, but her eyes had given up. 'I lost her in the most unimaginable way, and I hate myself for it.' The lamplight illuminated her eyes, the wells on her lower eyelids gleaming. Vera said nothing, but her face was different - eyebrows pulled together in pain, lips parted in shock.

'Ellie,' she spoke, her voice soft. She reached out and held her face in her hands, looking into her eyes, speaking to her soul. 'It wasn't your fault . . it was nobody's fault.'

'I don't want to lose someone like that again,' Ellie mumbled, resting her hand on Vera's, caressing her fingers. She looked deep into her soul, but it was a strange look - like a farewell. A goodbye.

She gently pushed Vera's hand away, and said to her, 'I can't.'

She left Vera in the lamplight, gazing back at Ellie as she walked away from her, eyes on the ground, hands clenched around her bag.

* * *

The leaf was almost entirely yellow, it's neck hanging detached from its mother branch. The breeze pushed it off of the tree, sent it dancing back and forth onto the ground. A familiar autumn chill had seeped into the air, and Joel felt it right through his red flannel. He watched Ellie from his seat on the fishing boat, his rod reeled in, waiting in the water.

'You know, I could actually get used to this,' he remarked, taking a deep breath of the cold air, trying to lighten the mood. He got nothing from her, just a weak shoulder movement that resembled a shrug. He looked at her hands, which lightly held her fishing rod, her eyes locked on the surface of the water.

'Although, it is strange,' Joel continued, maintaining his loud tone. 'The air does feel sorta _fishy_.'

He earned a scoff, which was better than nothing. He had seen her since morning, and she appeared disconnected, distant. Even with Vera, she spoke meagrely before following Joel to the dam. Her and Vera were usually inseparable, but lately, he observed that there was an unfulfilled distance between them, that appeared more deliberate that natural, and seemed to work it's way in through Ellie more than Vera.

'Where's your friend?' Joel asked, eyeing her with concern. He didn't like it when she got silent like that, it reminded him of last winter, which was a hard time for the both of them, especially Ellie. It had taken her an entire spring to begin the process of healing the wounds last winter had left behind, and now he felt like something had exposed them again.

'I don't know,' Ellie replied, feebly. He saw a slight movement at the end of her string, and she started responding to it promptly, reeling the catch in. Joel encouraged her as she pulled the rope in, and when it finally yielded, there was nothing in the hook but a few weeds.

Ellie groaned in frustration and set the rod down. 'Let's go home, please,' she muttered, annoyed. He didn't question it, simply complied, rowing the boat closer to the dock, helping her onto it and then tying up the boat. He got his gear and her backpack, joining her hurriedly as she walked to the forest path that led back to the town.

'You know I took Sarah fishing once,' Joel said, 'Tommy insisted back then. She thought it was a waste of time, and I didn't accept it then, but I agreed with her.'

'Oh,' Ellie's voice was softer as she looked up at him. 'She sounds like fun.'

'She was,' Joel accepted. 'She had all these friends in school, and some boy she liked back then. Tried to hide it from me, but I knew. She flipped out when I told her,' he smiled wryly, recalling the memory. 'Her cheeks went all red. It cracked me up.'

Ellie's lips curled into a smile, and Joel felt relief coursing through him.

'She'd never tell me when somethin' was bothering her. I'd always be the one pickin' up on clues,' he shook his head lightly. 'She didn't want to bother me with her problems. But how the hell could I not? It killed me when I saw her sulkin' and poutin'.'

Ellie let out a low whistle, and looked sideways. 'Alright, I get it,' she said, feeling Joel's hand on the back of her neck, comforting. 'I'm sorry I'm acting this way. It's just that . . Ugh . .' she looked at the sky, trying to put her troubles in words.

'Here,' Joel said, gesturing to a log nearby, that lay across the path close to the edge of the lake. Ellie sat on it cross legged, and Joel followed, resting his feet on the ground.

'It's so . . peaceful here,' Ellie mumbled, looking at the lake stretched out in front of her, at the yellowing trees that lined it's edges, and far behind, faded but visible mountains and a blue sky. She could hear birds, and a few cicadas that were still holding onto the last breath of summer.

'I've never seen anything like this. Back in military school we never had any peace. And I've been to those my whole life,' she explained. 'It's like . . it's not about just surviving here,' she looked at him, and said, 'It's like I can actually live.'

Joel felt her words reverberating within him, almost like she was speaking them for him as well.

'And now that I don't have to think about where my next meal will come from, where I can find a place to lay down or how many infected to escape, it's suddenly really fucking quiet,' she continued. 'And I'm beginning to see what's truly wrong with me. And I . . I'm scared.'

'Ellie . .'

'Just listen,' she interrupted him, shutting her eyes once, and then opening them again. She took a deep, shaky breath, and paused for a few seconds before she spilled everything out. With every word, she felt her burden vanishing, becoming a little less. She told him about Riley, about that one night and what all really happened. She told him that she had loved her. Joel empathised with her, wholly, dedicatedly.

'And now I'm afraid,' Ellie said. 'I don't know why. It's so fucking complex and I'm just so tired of trying to dig it out . .'

'Look Ellie,' Joel pushed her hair behind her ear affectionately. He wasn't very good with emotions, but this fear of loss that Ellie had, he knew that better than anybody. He hesitated for a few seconds, awkwardly shifting on the log to face her. 'You're just fifteen, kid. You have your entire life ahead of you, and you deserve to live it . . In this time, anybody and anythin' can be taken away from you, but you can't stop yourself from lettin' others in, just because of that.' _You taught me that, whether you know it or not._

'You deserve as many chances as you can get, alright?' he said, and she nodded once, looking at him. She saw the hazel eyes which she had fought to keep alit during last winter, using every ounce of strength she had. The invisible wall that sat between them started to melt as Ellie reminded herself how much he meant to her. She remembered his eyes as he had sworn to her last spring, that everything he had said about the fireflies was true. She willed herself to believe it, like she had a countless number of times since they had started their lives in Jackson county.

She picked on some moss on the log, and looked up at him again. 'What about you?' she asked, her voice feeble, but curious. 'Why don't you go and . . you know, meet people? Maybe find someone?'

Joel avoided the question at first, but Ellie's earnest eyes were locked onto him. He knew he couldn't escape it this time. So he looked at his hands, and simply said, 'Because I'm afraid too.'

Afraid of losing Ellie. Afraid of having her snatched away from him and sacrificed for a lost cause. Afraid that all the demons from his past would catch up with him, all the people he had killed, and have their revenge in the most spectacular way. He believed that there was a chance for Ellie, but he doubted that he himself had that liberty. He was too old, too damaged. Too much had already been taken from him.

'Of what?' he heard Ellie asking. Joel looked at her and shrugged, trying to be casual about it. 'Losing things,' he replied. He saw her grinning to herself, like she just remembered something funny.

'That or performance anxiety?' She asked, smiling at him devilishly. 'I mean, I don't know what kind of problems old timers usually face in those situations, but I can make a few guesses!'

Joel stared at her, appalled. He wasn't even sure if she knew the basic concept of what she was hinting. 'Do you even know what you're talking about?' he uttered.

'Of course I do!' she exclaimed. 'I'm not some idiot. You learn everything in military schools.'

He nearly choked on his own breath, and ended up coughing a few times. 'Everything?' he repeated, concerned on a number of levels.

'Not practically,' she corrected him. 'People tell you stuff. Lots of stuff. Like what goes where, and what comes out, and what could go wrong . . stuff like that.'

Joel continued staring at her for a few seconds, trying to absorb everything she said. It always surprised him when kids were progressive like that. He was an old soul, always tending to hold onto things and become oblivious to the passage of time. Then he shook his head, mumbling, 'Well . .'

'So is it?' she asked, with a gesture towards Joel's lowers, using her finger as an example. 'You know . . does your little guy have problems standing?'

'Shut up. Let's go.'

Ellie laughed and followed Joel, and saw his bemused grin as she caught up with him.


	6. Chapter Six: Hope

**CHAPTER SIX**

Hope

* * *

Vera followed Tommy to his room in the dam quarters, and listened as he told her about the place they had found for her. It was a two room apartment, mainly the top floor of a condo at the East end of town. He told her she could move whenever she wanted to, there was no pressure.

Vera said she didn't need to move.

* * *

Ellie walked along Angelica's room, tracing her hands across the spines of books she kept on her mantle piece. She saw books she had never heard of, and with every new word and every new name, her eyes grew bigger with fascination.

'You're a reader, aren't you?' she heard her voice from the kitchen, as she fried some corn cakes on her pan, using the produce she had obtained from her farm.

'Yeah, I love reading,' Ellie glanced back at her, smiling.

'I can see it in your eyes,' Angelica said, bringing a plate of the cakes and placing them on the table as Ellie joined her. The waft of sweet corn and oil greeted her nose and tingled her taste buds, and she felt her mouth watering. She reached out and started eating one immediately, getting an endearing smile form Angelica.

'I've always been one,' she said to Ellie, grabbing a corn cake for herself. 'These are some books I managed to scavenge while making my way to Jackson. I just couldn't leave them there.'

'You carried books with you?' Ellie asked, incredulously. 'But, how did you survive? What about supplies?'

'Oh, I got them too,' She raised her eyebrows. 'But . . I didn't just want to leave behind all parts of me to survive. I didnt care if it was too heavy.'

'Thats cool,' Ellie mumbled, looking at her with admiration. She scanned the wall behind her, found framed pictures, some souvenirs and drawings pasted on it. At the right end, she found a familiar necklace - a firefly pendant.

Ellie froze, her eyes stuck on the shining silver, a chill travelling down her spine, right to her fingertips.

Angelica followed her eyes and saw the pendant, and looked back at Ellie.

'You know the fireflies?' Angelica asked, casually.

'Yeah,' Ellie uttered, looking back at her, ready to leap onto her heels for reasons she could not comprehend. 'You're a firefly.'

Angelica shook her head modestly, and said, 'That was my friend's. The name on it says Daniel Mohegan. He was . . killed about five years ago.'

Ellie felt relief flood her body, as she took a deep breath and relaxed, felt her heart calming down.

'The fireflies were never my thing,' Angelica said. 'I almost joined them, but then decided I was better on my own. Last I heard, I think the fireflies were-'

'The corn cakes taste amazing,' Ellie blurted out, her eyes wide, her breath racing. She looked at her pleadingly, for reasons she didn't know. All she could think was that she trusted Joel, trusted everything he said to her.

She trusted Joel. She had to.

Angelica noticed her conflict, and decided to steer away from it. She got up, pulled the pendant off of the wall and hid it deep inside a drawer.

Ellie looked down at her hands that held the half eaten corn cake in them, and went on the verge of unwinding her thoughts. Then she closed her eyes and decided not to.

* * *

Tommy accompanied Joel back, taking the long route through the woods in the early evening. Tommy was telling Joel about the plans he had for the town, which included making a classroom for kids, and a bigger house for the orphans. He also wanted to open a brewery, seeing as the residents were well off on food and shelter. He wanted things to be normal, like the CBI had never occurred.

'It's a distant dream, but Maria's already planning for it,' Tommy said, as they walked by rocks and jumped down one by one, reaching the path that led to the Southern part of town a mile away.

'There's something else,' Tommy said, stopping in his tracks. Joel halted and looked at him, saw the familiar excitement in those eyes. His mouth was open, his eyes wide, like he had just seen or heard something he couldn't believe, something good, and was still unable to believe that it was happening.

'What?' Joel asked, stepping closer, cautiously optimistic.

'I, uhh . .' Tommy ran his hand through his hair awkwardly, and let his hands fall to his side, before raising them again midway, shrugging. 'I'm gonna be a dad,' he simply said.

Joel felt his heart skip a beat, and then dive back into the same disbelief and exultation. He looked at Tommy and stopped, shoving him in the shoulder. 'You better not be fuckin' with me, you hear?'

'You're gonna be an uncle,' Tommy nodded, hands on his hips.

Joel shoved the side of his face playfully, before muffing his hair. 'When?'

'Early spring next year,' Tommy answered, finally letting go of his delirious anxiety and laughing.

'Who else knows?' Joel asked Tommy, his lips curling into a small smile, his voice loud in the twilight.

'Uhh, you, me, Maria and . . that's about it,' Tommy nodded. 'I wanna tell Ellie though. I wanna see what that little spitfire's gonna say or do.'

'Let's go,' Joel said, 'That girl's gonna do somersaults all over the place.'

When they got home, Ellie was in the hall, and was shocked to see them smiling, like they had just seen something amazing. It was mellow, but at the same time bright in their eyes. Joel pushed Tommy inside, and Tommy entered with a grin as he seated himself on the chair beside Ellie.

'Are you two drunk?' she asked, confused, but exalted with their excitement.

'We're gonna be,' Joel said, walking to the open kitchen, fishing out an old reserve of whisky from the cupboard, bringing three glasses along and placing them on the coffee table.

Tommy sat on the chair by the couch, and Joel dropped himself beside Ellie. Ellie looked back and forth between them, grinning, quietly enjoying this sudden change of atmosphere.

Joel poured alcohol into the three glasses, and said, 'Ever held a baby?'

Ellie's expression changed, her mouth was an 'o' of wonder, her eyes were wide, and for a moment she just sucked in air without a word. Then she turned to Tommy, pointing with a straight finger.

'You!' She exclaimed. 'Maria! Oh my God!' she squealed, covering her mouth with both hands, and then clapping them together. She threw herself at Tommy and nearly choked him, her hands wrapped around his neck, squeezing it.

'I'm so glad your little guy can stand!' She exclaimed. Joel scoffed, shaking his head as Tommy simply stared at her, appalled.

Maria joined them soon, opening the door to find the party of three. They all turned and looked at her like she was a Brazilian parade, walking into the hall.

'Welcome!' Tommy beamed at her, his eyes following her as she walked in.

'I told you not to make it weird,' Maria nudged Tommy in the shoulder. She was clearly struggling with this sudden rush of femininity, earning those looks from them, a constant pink glow lingering on her face. As she passed him by, Tommy pulled her close and made her sit on his lap, dipped her head down to kiss her on the mouth, deeply, heartily, like nobody was around.

'Oh my god,' Ellie breathed in disbelief, taking in all the merriment, slightly embarrassed at the sight. She looked at Joel, who was smiling at them, a hint of sadness in his eyes. Her smile lingered, but she realised what Joel must be going through, remembered their heart-to-heart by the lake yesterday.

Tommy and Maria pulled apart, and she looked embarrassed, like she was apologising for their actions with her eyes. 'I'd appreciate it if you two told nobody else,' Maria said, looking at them. 'We wanna tell people, but at our own pace. You two being family, we wanted you to be the first to know.'

'Aww you guys!' Ellie exclaimed, one hand on her cheek, flattered. 'I'm so excited for this! It's going to be unbelievable!'

Maria waved her hand, and got up. 'We need to leave now, Tommy,' she told him, pulling him onto his feet. He had a drowsy smile on his face, almost foolish, and inspite of all the alcohol, he was still ambulatory.

'See you tomorrow,' He waved at Ellie and Joel. Joel bid goodbye with a warm hug to the both of them, and Ellie followed. She closed the door behind them as they left.

Joel slumped into the couch again, and watched Ellie as she swirled and leaped across the room, playing some old music from her Walkman. His smile occasionally extended into a grin, when she made a particularly ridiculous movement, like bending both her knees outwards and pulling her lips apart at the sides with her fingers.

She pulled him away from the couch and forced him to dance along with her, but he refused. Ellie would never take that for an answer, so she kept dancing around him, moving his hands and shaking them haphazardly. He finally carried her and let her sit on his shoulders, dropping her midway, but lifting her up again deliberately, making her squeal with excitement.

* * *

When night fell, Vera's duty ended. She left the dam, headed straight home. She could feel her heart thumping, realised the full extent of the stupidity she was about to commit. But she had decided, and it was too late to turn back now.

She remembered Ellie, her eyes, her smile. The way she blushed when Vera caught her staring at her. She couldn't help it. She loved Ellie.

A stab of pain spread in her chest as she remembered her confession in the lamplight, her wobbling voice, her hurt filled eyes, her words.

 _'I can't.'_

Those words had shattered Vera's hopes, sent her heart sinking to her shoes. She had seen too much pain in this world, lost too many people, from her parents, to her siblings, and recently, her best friend. She didn't have the spirit to fight for something, atleast not emotionally. There was a major part of her that now accepted pain and suffering more easily than joy and peace. It was easy to do the wrong thing, to spiral into the familiar abyss of depression and self-pity, and this wretched world gave such situations a bonus by providing endless charades of tragedy and trauma.

Maybe it was better this way, she thought, with a hint of apprehension. She reached the house, found lights still on in the living room. Quietly, she sneaked to the edge of the window and looked in.

Joel was carrying Ellie on his shoulders, and Vera saw her giggling, laughing, squealing like a little child. Her face was flushed with excitement, her hair bellowed with the movements. Her fingers swayed in the air as he turned her around, almost brushing the ceiling, reaching out, extending, like they could touch a make-believe sky inside the house.

'Yeah,' she whispered to herself. Her eyes lingered on Ellie's radiance, drinking it in, filling it in to her hearts content.

Then she turned around, and left.


	7. Chapter Seven: Impulse

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Impulse

* * *

 _I won't let you go_ , was all Ellie could hear in her head. A mantra _. I won't let you go. I won't._

Her horse galloped through the woods, trees rushing past, wind gushing into her face and stinging her eyes, but she didn't care. She could hear Joel's horse behind hers, following, his voice calling out to her, telling her to follow the tracks.

She felt her memories and feelings slipping again, leaping out and following her like they were attached to her with strings. Words fell in and out of her head, her heart leaped in and out of her chest.

' _We fight for every second we get to spend with each other.'_

She was under the lamplight, blurting stupid, meaningless things, all the while completely unaware of the burden it had probably put on Vera.

 _'It's not your fault . . it's nobody's fault.'_

 _'I can't_.'

She realised, with mind-blowing force what a stupid thing that had been to say and do. Why did she have to be such a wuss? Why couldn't she have just pulled her in right then and there and kissed her, dared to put her heart with somebody else's again?

She remembered Tommy and Maria, how kissed without any hesitation, the way they ignored everybody and everything as they did it. How they dared to be happy and hopeful about their love, their expected.

Why couldn't she be brave like them? It took a certain amount of courage to love someone, especially in a world so cruel. And Ellie knew that better than anybody.

She pulled the reins harder, following the tracks behind the search party, their horses galloping far ahead of her.

She was angry, she was furious, afraid, and excited. She felt everything at once, as she saw the search party pointing ahead, yelling that they had found her, that she was there.

Ellie pulled the reins and jumped off of the horse, rushing past them. For a moment, she feared the worst, that she would find her in a pool of blood, find her with a bite mark on her body. That she would already be gone before Ellie could confess her true feelings, clear out the clusterfuck she had made under the lamplight.

But she was there.

Seated under a rock, amidst streaks of the lazy autumn sun, she was there, staring right back at her, her cheeks wet with tears, her eyes boring into hers.

Ellie went to her and knelt in front of her limply, not breaking off the eyesight for a single moment. Then she did something even more stupid.

She punched Vera right across her jaw.

She reeled back, her hand pressed against her cheek. Her eyes were wide, hurt, but her voice was stable as she spoke.

'Why did you listen to me?,' she said. 'I'm a coward. A fucking coward.'

Vera looked at her again, her lips curling into a wry smile for a second. 'Me too,' Vera confessed. 'I couldn't even run away for fuck's sake. I gave up because I knew I'd die out there.'

'Good!' Ellie nodded hastily. They looked at each other, dug into each others' hearts. Ellie held Vera's face in her hands and leaned in, kissing her fully on the mouth, feeling Vera's hand on her own neck. She could feel her tears against her eyelids, wetting her cheeks. Then she pulled back and rested her forehead against hers, breathing, calming herself, embracing her like it was her last day on earth.

Joel got off the horse, but made no attempt to disturb them. All he could think was that they were innocent, naive. He felt a familiar hurt in his chest, a pricking pain as he looked at them.

He was proud of Ellie, proud of her for conquering her fear and setting out to get things right. She never failed to surprise him with her strength, and this was simply one of such moments.

He looked at the ground, felt the chilly breeze seep into his clothes.


	8. Chapter Eight: Second chance

**FALL**

 **CHAPTER EIGHT**

Second chance

* * *

The floor of the forest was enveloped in shades of orange, red and yellow. Snails appeared among the rocks, and people wore thick, multiple layers to keep themselves warm from the chill.

Joel sat by the cold river, Roger tied to a tree nearby, shuffling his hooves in the dirt, occasionally neighing. Joel watched the water rolling ahead, calm, serene.

He had spent the entire last week like this on perimeter checks, confident that there were no bandits or infected anywhere around.

He was in a grey thermal and a navy blue plaid shirt, jeans that were torn at the ends. His clothes kept him warm from the occasional autumn chill that passed around in the air.

When he saw that the sun was above head, he got back on Roger and went to the plant, rifle slung across his shoulder. He found it peculiar, that there were no bandit attacks in the entire month. Maybe they had learned now that the security was tight and hard to breach.

He handed the horse back to Damon, and went to see Tommy in the Engineers room.

When he walked in, he found Kenda and Tommy sitting by the table, casually talking. Joel took the seat opposite to her, and for some reason, he felt confident, adventurous.

Kenda smiled at him- the wide, inviting smile Joel admired. She wore a grey T-shirt and black jeans, her hair pulled up in her usual bun. Her eyes were shaped like lotuses, wide in the centre, gracefully upturned at the ends. He admired that too.

'I see you two gettin' along,' he gave a wry smile,

'We were just talking about the telegraph machine Kenda made,' Tommy said, giving Joel a suggestive glance as he saw him looking at Kenda. 'We can receive distress calls from across the state and beyond. And send some too, if needed.'

Joel raised his eyebrows, impressed as he nodded at her appreciatively.

'And I was just telling her why you're still single. Despite the looks and grouch,' Tommy added, and Kenda let out a laugh, shaking her head. 'You're brother has a bad sense of humour,' she said to Joel.

'Tell me about it,' he shook his head once, glancing at Tommy.

'Ellie's here, by the way,' Tommy said, looking back through the windows, at the turbines. Joel finally broke the eye contact and looked, and found Ellie on the railing, looking over the turbines with Maria. Then Maria turned and beckoned Tommy.

'Well,' Tommy grunted, standing up. 'My misuss awaits. I'll see you around,' he said, turning and leaving through the back door.

Joel saw Ellie turning back and immediately sticking her palms to the window, gazing at the both of them like they were zoo animals. He could tell that she was fascinated with the idea of him making a move on someone, she practically lived to see it.

Kenda got up from her seat, heading to the store room as Joel followed calmly. 'So I heard you play the guitar,' she spoke, glancing halfway back as she opened the door and entered the dark room.

'Uh, well . .' Joel shrugged weakly, the lines on his forehead deeper as his eyebrows rose. 'It's been awhile, but I think I can manage a few chords.'

'That's nice, you know,' Kenda nodded, walking to an old machine, that was covered with green tent cloth. She pulled it off, coughing once at the dust. 'People could use some music about now,' she smiled at him. 'Come on, help me with this, will you?'

'Sure thing,' he helped her lift the machine, and was immediately impressed by her strength. She was barely two inches taller than Ellie, but he could still feel her carrying the brunt of the machine's weight.

'Let me,' he spoke, carrying the machine in his hands. He followed her down the stairs to the turbines, where she asked him to place it down below an engine. He grunted once, letting the weight drop, and rested his elbows on it, looking at her.

'Thanks,' Kenda smiled. 'You're surprisingly strong for your age.'

Joel shrugged, like it was nothing special. 'Been hittin' the gym everyday,' he mumbled wryly, and she laughed. He felt a tiny spark in his chest, but immediately covered it up. He saw Ellie upstairs, her eyes still glued to them like they were rare species in a lab.

She raised both her hands, and made a vulgar gesture with a devilish smile that Joel was thankful Kenda didn't see.

When Kenda turned to see what he was glowering at, Ellie immediately put her hands down and turned her eyes up, like she was busy reading something on the wall.

* * *

Ellie went along with Maria, who had dropped in early in the morning and asked for her assistance with something. Ellie was delighted, and went along without a second thought.

Even though she wanted to stay at the turbines and tease Joel a little longer, she grinned and walked away, following Maria and Tommy. She was familiar with some of the workers in the turbines, and a few of them greeted and smiled at her. She liked being around the working grown-ups more, she preferred it over anything else. It made her feel useful, gave her something to do. They were always looking for some help, and Ellie was more than happy to provide.

Tommy and Maria led her out the back, straight through a narrow exit door, and went down an emergency stairway.

'We got some plans, Ellie,' Tommy explained, as he helped her leap off the broken bottom of the stairs. Ellie found herself in the woods again, and saw the spiked fence a few metres away.

'Over here,' Maria beckoned, leading to a small pile of rocks, the top of which was sprouting a small red flag. Ellie looked around, and found a clearing surrounding the entire place, extending all the way to the fencing. Placed randomly in the clearing, she saw target sheets, a few scarecrows and empty beer bottles hanging from some branches at different levels.

'Did you guys make this?' Ellie asked, fascinated by the arrangement. It reminded her of the shooting arena back at military prep schools, where the high schoolers practised to master their aim.

'Some of our friends did,' Maria answered.

'You know most of the residents here are survivors, right?' Tommy asked, and Ellie nodded. 'Some of them are just minors, and the others got plain lucky. Believe me or not, there are people in this town that have no idea how to handle a gun.'

Ellie understood what they wanted, and she felt elated. 'You want me to teach them?' she asked, smiling. Then she remembered the kids - the boys, Dom and his friends. Her excitement faded, slowly replaced by apprehension.

'Yeah,' Maria nodded. 'We wanted it to be a surprise. You're a natural shot, Ellie, and it's be a pity if you just sat at home the entire time wasting that talent of yours.'

Ellie gave a wry smile. 'You sure you want me to do this?' She asked, looking at the two of them. 'I mean, I might know how to handle a gun, but I'm not very good at making friends, as you have surely noticed,' she shrugged raising her arms midway.

'Well, we can work on that,' Tommy waved it off. 'Another thing is, we've been feeling guilty about putting Vera on guard duty. I mean, she's just twenty, she's the youngest up there on that wall. So instead we could use her for this, along with you.'

'Oh,' Ellie simply uttered, feeling a familiar warmth in her cheeks. Tommy had been there yesterday, when they had set out with her to find Vera. He had witnessed their little play personally, and it made Ellie feel too feminine.

'So what d'ya say?' Tommy lightly nudged Ellie on the shoulder. She looked up at the two of them, and thought about it for a few seconds - her and Vera taking shooting classes. Whatever Ellie lacked in social interaction, Vera could make up for it. She was better at talking to people than her, definitely.

'Sounds good,' she smiled, excitement returning to her. A nervous tingle lingered in her fingers.


	9. Chapter Nine: Love

**CHAPTER NINE**

Love

* * *

Ellie recognised Johnny immediately, and stared at him as he walked over to her and Vera. She grinned and lifted her rifle, pointing it at him, looking at him through the aim.

'Whoa,' Johnny breathed, raising his hands in surrender. 'Look Ellie, I'm sorry, okay?' he said, flustered. 'I know I was mean to you, but trust me, I have nothing against you. I just wanna learn.'

She let her rifle point at him for a few seconds, and then pulled it back and shrugged. She was impressed that he didn't shy away from apologising in front of the other twelve people that had come to the practice session today.

'What about your friends?' Vera asked, hands on her hips.

Johnny looked at the ground, flushing. Then he looked up at Ellie, and earnestly said, 'They were never my friends.'

'Okay,' Ellie nodded, and threw a plastic gun over to him. He caught it, but looked embarrassed, seeing that everyone else had a real one.

'Easy for beginners,' was all she said.

Her and Vera spent the rest of the afternoon teaching their students how to aim. First, they started with the target sheets, and when they were confident that the person got the hang of it, they would move on to vital points on the scarecrows. The beer bottles were for the next level, and finally it was shooting objects midway as they were thrown in a parabola.

Ellie was purposely cold towards Johnny, but warmed up in a while, noticing how he was truly embarrassed, how he lowered his eyes every time she looked at him, and how he didn't complain about her indifference. Then she taught him properly, showed him how to hold it, what to press, how to turn off the safety.

The class ended at four 'o clock in the evening, and people went back to their homes. As usual, Ellie and Vera stayed back, sitting on the emergency exit, their legs hanging down the railing, munching on some nuts.

Ellie saw Johnny below, collecting his things, slinging on his backpack and climbing the stairs. He stopped in front of her reluctantly, as Ellie continued to munch on the almonds.

'Umm . .' his eyes were on the floor, his hand tightly gripped around bag strap. 'I just wanted to say . . y-you're a good teacher. And a good person. I should've tried to stop the others from being rude to you, but I . . I was scared.'

'It's okay,' Ellie quipped. 'I don't care about them anyway. I didn't care about you either, but I guess you're improving.'

'Why don't you sit with us?' Vera asked, showing the spot next to her on the railing. He looked at Vera like he was relieved, and then back at Ellie apprehensively. Ellie studied him for a few seconds, and decided that he didnt pose much of a threat anyway, being a wuss and all that. She shrugged, and Johnny joined them. Vera gave him some of her almonds, talked to him, got Ellie involved in the conversation.

When the sun started to set, the three of them simply gazed at it, without saying a word. They admired quietly the hues of the sky, the orange light that fell on red leaves.

And Ellie thought, this isn't that bad.

* * *

'Well, usually we just tend to go 'round about a mile,' Joel explained, looking back at Kenda on her horse. 'Haven't found nothin' in almost a month now.'

'Thats strange,' Kenda remarked, following him, as he pulled Roger's reins to go slower. 'I remember there were a few cottages around,' She added. 'Do you check those?'

'Yeah, whenever I come across one,' Joel said. 'Now that you mention it, I saw a cabin somewhere near the bridge. Didn't go in because it was almost nighttime.' He looked back at her, grinning. 'Wanna go check it out?' he asked. Kenda shrugged, and said, 'Lead the way.'

The cabin was deep into the woods across the river, and the path back disappeared halfway. The sun was still halfway to its highest point, so Joel guessed that they'd have enough time to find their way back while returning.

He talked with her casually as they made their way, listened to her telling him about her experiences with men in her life. It felt surreal to him, the way they had opened up to each other in barely a week. Maybe it was the effect of this town, of the hope that was slowly resurfacing in him after twenty years, but he didn't care. He had told her about a lot of things he hadn't even spoken of to anybody else, sparing Ellie. He had told her about Tess, about Sam and Henry, about the journey they had made to Salt Lake city, sparing the events that had occurred in St. Mary's hospital. He looked at her speculatively, curiosity building in him. He expected his candour to come back to him like a black hound and bite him in the ass sometime soon.

The woods got darker as they approached the heart of it, and far ahead, he found the cabin, located right by a giant rock.

'That one?' Kenda pointed, and Joel nodded. 'That looks like it has some clickers in there.'

'Probably does,' Joel shrugged, and got off of his horse. He pulled it to a tree and tied the reins tight, Kenda following the same. Then she opened her backpack and pulled out four sheets of cardboard, looking at Joel like he was supposed to know what they were for.

'Give me you arms,' she smiled, amused by his clueless expression. He reluctantly extended his arms to her, and she pushed his shirt sleeve and thermals back to his elbow, wrapping the cardboard around each forearm, tying them tight at both ends with ropes.

'Does this work?' Joel asked, feeling the slight pressure and stiffness in his arms as he moved them back and forth at the elbow.

'It does for me,' Kenda shrugged, tying hers around her arms in seconds, like she was used it. 'It's mostly helpful against runners. Clickers, not that much.'

'Uhh,' he looked at his forearms as she pulled his sleeves back to his wrists. 'Are you sure?' he asked sharply.

'Hey, I'm not making any promises,' she said. 'Just- just believe that it'll help okay?'

'Oh man,' Joel mumbled to himself, looking at them. Kenda raised her eyebrows at him, and pulled his right sleeve halfway back, and with all the pressure she could manage, dug her teeth into the cardboard. It made Joel grin, as he gently pushed her head away.

'Alright, alright, I get it,' he nodded, pulling his 9mm out from his belt. 'Let's go check it out with the upgrades,' he sarcastically lifted his cardboard-ed right arm, which now bore deep tooth marks.

They went in cautiously, and thankfully, the air was as clean inside as it was outside. It was a two storeyed cabin, wide, with a balcony attached to stairs on the upper floor. Joel gestured to Kenda that he would check out the top floor, and Kenda nodded.

He went up discreetly, stopping at each door to listen for any tell-tale signs of the infected. He inspected two bedrooms and the drawing room, and what looked like it had once been a sports room. All of them were empty, and whatever supplies they might have had were already taken, possibly by some pack of bandits. He checked the bathrooms and the balcony, and took the outer stairs to try the out house. The door was already open, but he found nothing inside.

He relaxed and holstered his weapon, walking back into the house through the entrance. He felt a sudden shudder when he heard heavy, rapid footsteps from the kitchen, followed by a gunshot.

'Shit,' he muttered, pulling out his weapon and rushing into the room, to find a runner on the floor, lying in a pool of blood. Kenda stood pointing her gun at it, which was still letting out smoke. Footsteps echoed again, and another runner came out through the door to the dining room, screeching at the two of them. A third one followed through the same. Kenda raised her gun at it, and hit it right in between it's eyes. The other one was too close by the time she recovered, and Joel shot it twice in the head, cussing loudly. She looked at Joel, panting, and her face went pale. In a swift movement, she pushed him away and blocked a fourth runner head on, wrestling it's strength with her shielded forearms. It overpowered her and pinned her to the wall, but Joel pulled it away from her, holding its torn collar, and bashed it's head against the edge of the counter. A loud crack resonated as it's head opened and spilled out the contents.

He turned back to Kenda, and approached her hastily. 'Are you hurt?' he asked, his hand on her cheek, turning it sideways, examining her arms.

'I'm fine,' she breathed, panting. Drops of blood streaked her right cheek, under her eyes. 'Just a little jumped,' she exhaled, bent against the wall for a second, taking a deep breath. She looked delirious. 'Been a while since I've seen those things,' she mumbled, wiping the blood off of her cheek.

'Okay,' Joel nodded, his voice soft, his eyebrows drawn together in concern. He stroked the side of her head and her cheek protectively, trying to calm her down. Kenda gripped his shoulders in an attempt to steady herself, and looked up at him as he tucked strands of hair behind her ear. She caught his eyes, hazel, softly looking into her soul, his rough, warm hands on her neck and face.

Joel looked into hers. His worries came to a screeching halt. He didn't think. The second he felt it, he dived in and kissed her, wrapping one arm around her waist, pulling her up to feel her presence entirely. Kenda wrapped her hands around his neck, pulling him in, sharing his breath, his heat. He felt his fears, thoughts and doubts shattering. Only the heat suffused inside him, radiating back and forth between the both of them. He pulled the cardboards off of his hands as he continued to embrace her, and felt an amused smile on her lips.

It felt like an eternity had passed, like time had leapt through millennia, like gravity had failed. But when they pulled away, it felt like it had lasted for a fraction of a second.

They looked at each other again, pleasantly surprised.

'It stinks here,' Kenda mumbled, and Joel laughed in a breath, not taking his eyes off of her for a second.

'As romantic as it gets,' he said sarcastically, almost in a whisper, his head still reeling and recovering from the sudden blast of emotions.

* * *

 **A/N: What do you guys think of my OC? Leave a review if you can, thanks :)**


	10. Chapter Ten: Courage

**CHAPTER TEN**

Courage

* * *

The rain poured outside, falling across the metal roof and the trees, making the soothing sounds Ellie loved. Her, Vera and Johnny were walking in the town, returning from another day at the shooting school. Ellie still hadn't warmed up to him completely, but under Vera's watch, she made sure not to scare him off either.

'Wait, so if the safety's off, and the gun is in my pants,' Johnny asked, looking at Vera and Ellie, 'Can it uhh . . go off?'

'Yeah, duh,' Ellie said. 'It's called safety for a reason. I actually know a person whose head got blown off with his own gun, even when the safety was on,' she made a motion, imitating a gun shooting her temple. Vera nudged her hard on the elbow, sent Ellie laughing. Johnny looked like he had lost all the blood from his face.

'I'm just fucking with you, calm down,' Ellie giggled, patting his shoulder.

They walked along in the drizzle, in a street that was nearly empty. Some of the people sat in their balconies and porches, looking out into the rain, talking, smiling. But mostly, it was quiet.

'Hey Johnny!' they heard a familiar voice from the back, and Ellie immediately knew who it was. She stopped and casually turned back, even though Johnny told her to ignore them.

'What's with you and that lesbatron?' Dom yelled, walking towards them, his two other friends following him, jumping over a fence to enter the street.

'Ellie, ignore him,' Johnny mumbled to her, his eyes on the ground.

'You're a fucking pussy, you know that?' he continued, smiling cockily at Johnny. 'Running off, and that too to this loser,' he taunted, gesturing towards Ellie. He stood a few feet away from her, eyeing her with that same look Ellie despised. He was taller than her, but he was lanky, barely had any muscle. Ellie had almost punched his jaw off once, and would've, if his idiot father hadn't intervened.

Dom and his father lived in an apartment, secluded from the rest of the town. Joel pitied them too, especially since his father was a hopeless drunk that carried his rifle on his shoulder everywhere, waving it at whoever tried to threaten him. She remembered that Joel and Tommy had had a heated argument about the man once, with Joel demanding that Tommy make him leave the town, and Tommy saying he was helpless, because his wife had been one of the first loyal residents here before her unfortunate death in a bandit raid. He was bound by the respect he had for what she did. The argument happened on the same evening, after Ellie had fought with Dom and showed up home with bruises and cuts.

'Go away, Dom,' Vera said to him sharply. He just raised his eyebrows in return, giving her a once-over.

'You girlfriend and I go a long way back, you know,' he said to her, gesturing to Ellie. 'She's a fiery one, trust me. You'll have fun with her.'

'Fuck off!' Ellie spat, stepping forward menacingly, her cheeks red with fury. 'Get lost or I swear to God I'll put one right between your eyes!'

'See?' Dom shrugged, amused. 'I loved it when she went dirty on me once. Pity you weren't around to witness it,' he said to Vera.

'Go away!' Johnny suddenly exclaimed, finally bringing up his eyes to look at him. The three boys paused for a second, and burst out laughing, pointing at him.

'Shit!' one of them said, 'Did these girls actually help you find some balls down there?'

Vera put a hand on Ellie's shoulder as she stepped towards him, and gently pulled her back. 'He's not worth it, Ellie,' was all she said.

'Come on Ellie, try me,' Dom stepped closer to her, bending down to look into her eyes tauntingly. 'You know I can make you feel good, baby.'

Ellie's thin string of patience broke, and she raged ahead, raising her fist, yelling, but Dom reeled back groaning in pain before she could land it on his face. She watched, shocked, as Johnny ambushed him, threw him to the ground and continued punching his face repeatedly, yelling cuss words in angst.

The other two boys joined in, trying to attack Johnny, but Ellie and Vera pounced on them before they could get to him. Ellie kicked the smaller one hard between his legs, felt the other one pull her back by her hair, his knuckles landing on her nose. Vera punched him before he could hit her once more, while Dom struggled with Johnny's sudden fit of rage.

Blood splattered on the rough gravel road as Ellie felt another punch landing on her jaw, heard a small crack inside her face. She pushed the boy down and landed both her fists on his head twice, trying best not to kill him, which took every last bit of her resolve.

Suddenly, they all heard a click of a rifle, and paused dead in their tracks. Johnny froze, raising his hands slowly as he saw the barrel pointed at his head.

'Get the fuck away from 'im, little dipshit,' a hoarse, malicious voice snapped, and he looked up to see Dom's father waving his rifle at him. He moved away immediately, while Dom retreated and stood up beside his dad, cleaning the blood from his nose.

Ellie and Vera walked backwards cautiously to join Johnny's side, their eyes peeled on him. He still held his rifle up, pointing it at the three of them.

'You think you can just up and attack my son like that?' he snapped, looking at them through the aim.

'It was his -' Ellie began, but stopped immediately as Vera discreetly put a hand in front of her chest, asking her to calm down. She saw Vera's wide, panicked eyes. She looked back at the old man's face, and immediately knew that this was serious. He was crazy, and reeking of alcohol. His fingers trembled at the trigger.

'It's okay, papa,' Dom mumbled, clearly sensing the intensity of the situation. He gently put his hand on his father's shoulder, only to have it brushed off. 'Shut up you worthless can of crap,' he grumbled, eyes still on the three.

Dom looked at the three of them, the blood draining from his face. His two other friends stepped back and scurried away. Then his eyes seemed to drift elsewhere, somewhere behind them, and he tried to coax his father again, whispered to him. His father immediately shifted the rifle to what Dom was pointing at.

'Walk away, Ramone,' Ellie heard Joel's voice - the wolfish tone he took, maleficent tone she knew perfectly well. She could almost hear the growl beneath the words, saw him stepping forward from in between her and Vera, his hunting rifle aimed at Dom's father.

The old man simply snickered, but Dom had already begun to cry. 'Papa, let's just go,' he mumbled, only to be brushed off and snapped at again.

'Listen to your son,' Joel growled again, the scowl on his face deepening.

Ellie felt another presence beside her, and saw Kenda appearing ahead beside Joel, her gun in her hand.

She looked at the man sharply, loaded her gun with a click, keeping it pointed at him.

The man looked up at the both of them, slowly lowering his rifle, his lecherous gaze lingering on them as he stepped back.

'I'll get ya,' he mumbled, looking at Joel, and then down at Ellie. 'You too, ya little bitch.'

Joel clenched his teeth, his breath ragged as he tried to contain his anger. If they were outside this town, he would've broken the bastards skull against his own knee. He watched in curdling rage as Dom and his father turned around and left, the old man staggering and struggling with balance.

'Joel, I tried not to fight,' Ellie mumbled, as he put his gun back inside and walked to her. Without a word, he held her head and pulled her into a warm embrace. Ellie hesitated for a second, and then wrapped her hands around him, taking in the comfort he provided her, the place where she would always find a safe haven.

Kenda muffed Johnny's hair and put an arm around Vera's shoulder, smiling down at the the two of them, the fresh bruises and cuts on their faces, the blood trickling from Johnny's nose, and their complete indifference to the pain.

'You guys are fricking wolf pups,' she said, and then looked at Ellie. Her look of admiration slightly embarrassed Ellie, but made her feel proud.

* * *

When Maria heard about the incident the next morning, she pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose and sighed, disappointed. She knew what she had to do, and she wasn't very happy about it. It wasn't only Joel that had been complaining about Dom's father, but several others as well. He was infamous for waving that rifle around and scaring people off, but yesterday he had crossed his limits by pointing it at a couple of kids.

Within two days, they had him sacked and forced out of the apartment with as much respect as they could muster up, but it ended in an ugly spat at the gate anyway. He had shot several blind bullets, before they held him down and pulled his rifle away. They had offered for Dom to stay back, find a home separately in the town, but he had refused out of fear when his father glared at him.

Tommy stood on the wall, ordered the gates to be closed, saw their faces outside. Ramone still yelled curses at him at the top of his voice. Joel stood beside him, hands folded across his chest.

'It's better this way, Ramone,' Tommy said to him aloud. 'You'll find a military camp outside, a few miles up the highway. You'll be safe there. There's enough supplies in that bag to last a month.'

Ramone spat on the ground, flipped him off and walked away, Dom following him obediently, glancing back once in a while with fear in his eyes. In a few minutes, they had turned and disappeared at the river bank, walking among rocks.

'The kid could've stayed back if he wanted to,' Tommy mumbled, in a low voice. 'They ain't gonna survive a week out there.'

Joel sighed, patted his brother on the back once and left.

* * *

 **A/N: Raise your hands if you imagined Tom Felton as Dom. It's who I had in mind the entire time.**

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	11. Chapter Eleven: Secrets

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

Secrets

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Three weeks passed, and the rain grew heavier. By the first week of september, there was green everywhere, present on every rock, crawling on the walls. Ravens were found bathing on branches, their wings spread out leisurely, beaks pointed at the clouds. The river flow grew vicious, almost rising up to the level of the bridge, engulfing the banks that Joel and Ellie used to walk their horses along.

People rarely went outside into the woods, except for the regular perimeter check that was now done once in three days. Electricity worked all-time, with the dam roaring at full swing, brimming with fresh rain water. The only problem was the wires and poles collapsing or breaking, cutting off supply to a few parts frequently.

Joel hated the rain. Ellie, on the other hand, loved it. She danced in it once in a while, before Joel or Kenda called her back in, saying that she would catch a cold. Vera accompanied her sometimes, and they leaped around in puddles, poked at snails and collected water in their hands to splash it at each other.

Kenda visited often, came by atleast thrice a week. Joel found it a bit embarrassing that he couldn't get intimate with her, with Ellie and Vera in the house. He yearned for it, and saw it in Kenda too, but she never made any attempt to ask him for privacy. Ellie would give him these smug smiles whenever him and Kenda were alone together, and that very expression was enough for him to be put down.

He never got enough privacy with her at the dam either, nor at the warehouse. They did find it sometimes, very rarely, either while coming back home or when Ellie and Vera went out for a while to play or something. But he never had the opportunity to spend a night with her. He thought of going to the same cabin again, but realised that it must be teeming with spores by now, with fungal growth lacing the walls from those dead runners.

He didn't want to leave Ellie alone for a night either. Even when he thought of it briefly, an anxious fear filled his mind and he immediately rejected the idea. He knew she could take care of herself, but he was never at peace when away from her. Something else sprouted in his heart when he thought of it.

Remorse, guilt. He found it unsettling for himself, to get away and spend time with a special someone, when he knew he had started this life with a lie.

September was almost over, and on a particularly rainy day, he sat in the warehouse with Kenda after work, talking.

'What else did you do?' Joel asked her. She sat beside him, elbows rested on the crate.

She had told him about the time she had spent in Chicago four years ago, how she had survived in the city even after the QZ fell. She had left behind a major chunk of events, and abruptly started in the middle, but Joel knew better about heavy secrets. He let her talk, unquestioning.

'I escaped the hunters,' she said. 'I evaded them for months, because I knew that city so well. It didn't help that I kept running into infected though. So I mostly avoided buildings, except a few times to drop in for supplies,' she explained. 'I lived in scraps. Sometimes on the train platforms. I went on boats often, because it was safe and they usually had supplies.' She looked at him, continuing. 'I remember I lived in the lighthouse for a few months. First day I lured in all the infected with glowsticks and stuff, locked them in a metal room with a few explosives, and never opened the door again.'

Joel raised his eyebrows, impressed. 'No hunters?' he asked, curiously.

'They dropped by once a while, looking for supplies,' she said. 'Whenever they did, I hid myself in this trapdoor near the light. Once one of them caught me there, so I fought off and escaped in the boat they had arrived in. Then the fuckers occupied the tower.'

He shook his head heavily. 'Goddamn,' he simply uttered. 'Remind me never to get on your bad side.'

'It's not that bad,' she shrugged, with a bemused smile. 'I mean, it might sound impressive, but the truth is that I was hiding most of the time,' she nodded. 'I knew the city's safe zones, I had enough supplies and I knew how to sit in a place without making any sound or movement.'

'Did you ever come across someone to . . accompany you?' he asked.

Her eyes widened for a second, and he caught the emotion in them before she masked it. 'Yeah,' she accepted. 'Her name was Janine,' she looked down at her hands as she spoke. 'We travelled and survived together in Chicago. Had each others backs for nearly two years. She'd heard of Jackson county and told me about it. We head out together. Stumbled upon a pack of infected in St. Louis,' she shook her head lightly, like she was still trying to convince herself that it had really happened. 'There were too many. She took the upper hand and told me to run . .'

Joel looked at her sympathetically, because he knew exactly what she felt. He remembered Sam and Henry, the blast of the gun and their limp bodies beside a brimming pot of stew.

'When I came here, I thought of going back a number of times, to look for her. Shared it with Maria. Both her and Tommy told me that she could not have made it.'

'There was nothing you could've done,' he mumbled. He put his hand on hers comfortingly, and the chatters from other parts of the warehouse faded.

Kenda gazed at him for a few seconds, opened her mouth to say something, and then stopped.

Joel hesitated for a second, confused at her turning her head away. Then she looked at him again.

'You alright?' he asked, his voice conerned and soft, his fingers interlacing with hers on the table. She simply gazed at him, thoughts racing in her head.

She nodded twice, her eyes drifting to the window. Joel stroked the back of her hand with his thumb, and when he looked at her again, he felt the finality in his mind, sitting in one place and refusing to move like a stubborn child.

He felt a plethora of emotions erupt in his mind, and when she looked up at him, he saw the same thing rising in her, beautifully mixed with sorrow and desire.

'Come home with me,' she mumbled, squeezing his fingers.

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The rain progressed to a thunderstorm, water pouring down heavily, hitting the window glass and roof. Wooden houses dripped and gave way to large quantities of it, and thankfully, Kenda's was made of solid brick.

Joel watched the water trickling down and splashing against the window in Kenda's bedroom, leaning against the headboard. A flash of lighting disturbed his sight, followed by a thunderous roar.

He looked to his side, saw Kenda asleep under the sheets, her head turned towards him, right hand wrapped around his. Her face was flushed, but still beautiful. Her hair lay in a dark messy cloud around her head, spread across the pillow. Strands fell on her cheeks, and he gently pushed them away, trying not to wake her up. She was exhausted, and he could tell that she wouldn't be rousing for a few hours. Her skin looked soft, supple, inspite of all the harshness it had endured. She felt surprisingly smooth in his hands. He adored that sensation.

She had lazily put on his blue plaid shirt to keep herself warm, and her hands almost drowned in the enormous sleeves. He glanced at the watch on her bedside table and squinted to see. It was almost seven o'clock. He could still stay. Ellie was used to him coming back at nine sometimes.

He sat by her for a while, gazing at her, fascinated by the faint mumbling she did rarely - almost incoherent. He made out a few words like 'Can't' and 'gone'. He could tell that it was a nightmare. Nobody had normal dreams anymore.

He wanted to hold her in his arms again, feel her heat, bury himself in it. But he didn't want to wake her up. He wished that she would open her eyes by herself, so he could atleast tell her how wonderful it was before he left.

Gently, he pulled his hand away from hers, and stepped out of the bed. He dressed, wore only the grey T-shirt, leaving the plaid one on her. He could feel the slight sting on the back of his shoulders from the scars her nails had left behind. He went into her bathroom and splashed his face twice with the chilled water, wiped it with a towel and came back out. He tiptoed out of the bedroom and closed the door behind him, leaving a tiny gap.

Her living room was quite small, and didn't have much in it, except a small table and two chairs. There were mantle pieces above an abandoned fireplace, and a few pictures frames in the hall. He walked by, observing the pictures, and saw a younger Kenda in them. All of them were either torn or half burnt, but he could make out backgrounds, parts of faces, all from an innocent time. He looked at the fireplace, and caught something glinting under all the burnt out wood. There was a mountain of ash, and on the back, in the very corner, he saw a silvery shine.

He smiled, and reached out for it slowly, expecting another memento from her past. He held it and pulled it out, and the familiar texture confused him, tore his mind to a million pieces. He didn't look at it, but held it in his hand, eyes on the window, on the rain and the lightning.

'No, no, no,' he heard himself chanting, his voice barely a whisper. He felt a sickening drain of energy as his mind reeled in confusion. He felt like he had been thrown onto a roller coaster, everything around him racing by, incomprehensible. His eyebrows drew together, his mouth disfigured in a scowl.

With a trembling motion, he slowly opened his fist, felt the blood gushing back to his fingertips as he unclenched it. He forced his eyes to drift to it.

A flash of lighting, and he saw.

A circular, silver pendant. The same symbol he despised - four wings. He turned it over.

Kenda-Marie Deloria. 000055.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Angst

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

Angst

* * *

Thunder cracked, interrupting the silence of the night as rain fell. Electricity had gone out, the streets and houses were dark, like nobody was living in them anymore. A dog howled somewhere in a backyard.

'Get up,' Joel growled.

He stood in front of her, blocking the light from the window, casting a big shadow across her form. Her eyes opened to slits as she turned to face him, confused. She pulled the blanket down to her hips.

She caught the black metal inches away from her face, the glinting surface of his pistol, pointed right in between her eyes. Her heart skipped a few beats, and she sat up slowly in her bed. She held her head for a few seconds, trying to contain the reeling and vertigo.

'Look at me,' Joel said, and she did. 'Hands up. Right now.'

'Joel, what . .' her voice faded, as she caught the dangling pedant he held in his right hand.

'Calm down,' she said to him, feeling a familiar flood of emotions - anxiety. Fear.

'You lied to me,' he said the words in the most venomous way possible, eyes filled with blind rage and desperation.

'No, Joel,' Kenda pleaded, her hands clutching his plaid shirt, keeping the flaps together, covering up. 'Listen to me, I can explain.'

'Explain what?' he simply uttered. 'That you're a firefly? I already know that.' He stepped closer, pressing the barrel right into her head, feeling a betrayal in his muscles, his resolve. His hand went limp, and for a moment, he was naked, raw and exposed. He was running through the corridors of St. Mary's hospital, carrying the only hope he had in his arms. He was pressing the trigger, watching a hole tear through Marlene's head. He was running again, carrying another body - golden hair, grey eyes. He could feel the hot blood gushing out of the hole in her stomach, her squeals, her feeble cries of pain, her weak, shaky grip on his hand. Her empty eyes when she fell quiet.

The gun slid down Kenda's face, and she slowly raised her hands midway, fear crawling into her eyes. He nearly let the gun slide from his hand, but clutched it before it could fall. He raised it and pressed it into her neck, under her jaw, nearly pushing her back with the force.

' _Why_?' was the only thing he could say. 'Why would you do this to me?'

Kenda shut her eyes and took a deep shaky breath, her finger tips trembling. Then she looked at him, her brown eyes boring into his.

'Joel, listen to me,' she said, trying to maintain her voice, but it faltered. It was shaking, weak. 'I don't know what happened to you, what they did to you. But you have to believe me. I am not a firefly.'

'Oh yeah?' he growled again, pressing the gun harder, feeling her pulse reverberating through the metal faintly.

'I joined them ten years ago,' she explained, looking up at him again, her eyes bare, pleading. 'I was with them for four years, and I fought alongside them for a lost cause. I-I saw them kill thousands of innocents in the name of fucking change . . they blew up houses with people living in them, with children hiding in them,' she gulped, fighting his malignant glare. 'Then I left. I kept the pendant with me, because I knew Tommy from the faction, and I-I'd heard that he had left them too. I'd heard that he settled down somewhere. I kept it with me, so I could get his favour, m-maybe convince him by showing that we had similar thoughts about the world, and the way it worked.'

Joel felt another rip across his chest, and his heart sank. 'Tommy knew about this?' he breathed. 'Why the fuck didn't you just tell me, Kenda?'

'I am not a firefly anymore!' Kenda exclaimed. 'Just like Tommy, alright?'

He saw her dark eyes flaring, the fear in them slowly turning into anger, into blame. 'Do you really want me to believe that you have no secrets? That you didn't do something equally horrible in the past?' She got onto her feet, pursing her lips, her eyes moist as she let him press the barrel harder against her neck.

' _Nobody_ that has made it to this town alive is good. Every fucking one,' she scowled, her voice strong, but shaky. She stepped closer to him, as he fought to stand his ground, but felt his grip around the pistol failing. 'Promise me, that you don't have a secret that would make me want to kill you,' she challenged him, her eyes sharp on his. ' _Promise me_ ,' she repeated.

Joel kept the barrel pressed against her neck, but his grip was loosening, his hand pulling back, removing the gun. A red impression of the barrel sat at the side of her neck.

'Give me my gun, Joel,' she breathed, faintly, her eyes glassy.

Joel's eyes changed, the rage slowly faded, replaced instead by confusion, regret. He looked lost for a few seconds, gazing at her, getting back nothing but her cold, fearful stare, like she was trying to fight him off.

'Just promise me,' he said, his voice softer, but firm. He felt helpless, broken, shattered. Betrayed by something inside him. 'Promise me that you're not here for her.'

Kenda looked right into his eyes. 'I promise,' she said.

Joel felt stupid, blind relief spreading across his mind, calming his heart. The realisation was hitting him slow, of how he lost his control, how he went crazy. Then he swallowed it all, buried it deep, deep within his stomach. He gulped, his face gaunt, his eyes glassy. He dropped the pendant on the floor, walked to the door and left the gun on her bedside table. He lingered at the door for a while, glancing back at her, found her shaken, her slender fingers gripping the plaid shirt tightly. She sniffed and wiped her face with her hand, and glanced at him.

The warmth in them was gone.

He left, and closed the door behind him.

* * *

'She said she didn't want anybody to know.'

The valley looked glorious in front of their eyes, and nested amidst all the trees and rocks, the town gazed back at them, the rooftops faded in the early morning sun.

'I left the fireflies too, for the exact same reasons. I knew what she meant,' Tommy continued. 'So she looked right into my eyes, held my hand and made me promise.'

Joel looked at the sky - dull, grey and blue. The horses neighed behind them, tied to trees.

'Then when you showed up, and started talkin' to her and she started fallin' for you, she made me promise again not to tell you in particular,' Tommy continued. 'Said she'd tell you everything by herself, at the right time. Honestly I didn't think it was big deal, either.'

Joel said nothing, simply gazed at the town below. Tommy looked at him, knowing exactly what was going through his mind.

'You should clear your head,' Tommy said. 'The fireflies are gone now, Joel. Nobody's gonna come back for Ellie or Marlene. Don't let your fears come in the way of your relationships, you hear me?'

'Thanks, Tommy,' Joel simply uttered, looking sideways at his shoes. Tommy lingered for a few seconds, and then left, not looking back once.

* * *

 **A/N: Please leave a review/follow if liked. Thanks for reading. Love!**


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Amends

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

Amends

* * *

Ellie and Joel trotted through the woods on their horses quietly. Ellie kept glancing at Joel every few seconds, and he still looked detached, even though he tried to put on a strong facade. He didn't look sad, just disturbed.

'Weeelll,' she dragged, catching up with him on her horse. 'Thank heavens it's not raining today, am I right?' she smiled, looking at him.

He mumbled something in agreement, scanning the surroundings like he usually did.

She pondered for a while, thinking of ways she could get his full attention. She had an idea of what was wrong with him, and the big clue was Kenda not visiting him for more than two weeks since the night of the thunderstorm. He had returned home that night, visibly tired, something off in his demeanour. He had embraced her for what seemed like minutes, and then gone to bed without a word.

And even now, he was the same, strangely detached, waiting only for her to talk while he mostly said nothing.

'I'm so depressed right now,' Ellie said aloud on purpose, with a lengthened sigh. Joel simply shook his head once, clearly not buying it. It was uncharacteristic of Ellie, saying something like that.

Ellie waited for a response, and getting none, she made a deep fake voice and in a full-blown Texan accent, said, 'Jeysus Ellie, what's been botherin' you laytely?'

Joel glanced in her direction, unamused. 'Is that s'posed to be me?' he asked.

She laughed, his sourness somehow making it more hilarious. 'Yeah, how awesome was that?'

'Screw you,' Joel shook his head, which just made her laugh more. She followed him close, trying to decipher what was wrong with him. She knew he would never tell her, not by himself, and not that easily. She had to force it out of him.

'So,' she began, 'How are things with Kenda?' she asked, like the matter had just crossed her mind. 'I saw her at the dam the other day, she seemed okay. She gave me another of these comics, something like savage starlight. Still gotta read it.'

'She did huh,' he simply mumbled, looking ahead.

'Okay, no,' Ellie said sharply, riding ahead of him and bringing her horse to a halt in front of him, turning it back to face him directly.

'What's the fucking problem, Joel?' she asked, looking straight into his eyes. 'You know sharing it might help.'

He gruffed, looking at the river on the side. 'It's nothin',' he mumbled.

'Clearly not,' Ellie said. 'Did Kenda do something?'

She saw the pain in his eyes, a mere flash that lasted for a second before he masked it again. 'No,' he said.

'You know, she asked about you,' Ellie said. 'She seemed really concerned. What happened between you guys?'

'It's nothin' Ellie, okay?' Joel snapped, his eyebrows drawn close, annoyed. 'Jesus, girl,' he mumbled, shaking his head.

Ellie pursed her lips, simply glared at him. 'Fine,' she uttered, turned her horse around.

Joel sighed, immediately guilty. 'Wait, Ellie . .'

She started galloping away on her horse. He slapped the reins and followed her immediately, calling her name once. She was too fast, almost disappearing ahead of him in the twists and turns of the mountain, behind trees and rocks.

'Ellie!' he called, pulling his horse to the right, avoiding a wall of stone. He found her in the distance, halted, slowly getting off of her horse, looking up at something behind a tree. Joel slowed down toward her, got off of his horse and was about to scold her, when he caught in the corner of his eyes what she was looking at.

'Shit,' he heard Ellie mumble, her eyes on the two bodies, hanging from a low branch by two ropes. He saw the familiar faces, the same clothes they had worn two weeks ago while leaving.

'Look,' Ellie pointed at a note pinned to the bark of the tree, pulled it off and read it aloud. ''Took shelter under a rock yesterday. Woke up to find that our supplies had been looted. Food and water gone. All they left behind were these ropes, and as a joke, they were already tied into loops. They won't let us back in, and we don't wanna turn into those monsters. So here's my final note, hoping whoever reads it will know that our deaths are on the dam people',' she sighed, her eyebrows drawn together, folding the paper. ' 'Signed Dominic.' Bullshit,' she shook her head.

Joel said nothing, only kept his eyes on the swaying bodies, then pulled out his backpack to fish out his knife.

'Let's cut'em down,' he said, and Ellie nodded, slowly pulling out her switch blade.

She watched solemnly as he climbed on top of a rock, stretched to reach Ramone's rope and began to cut them.

'Joel,' she uttered, and he looked at her, noticing the urgency in her tone.

'Just don't hurt yourself, okay?' she said, like she meant it for more than just him slipping off of that rock.

* * *

Kenda waited by his house at dinner time, wondering if it was a good idea. She was still a little shaken up by his actions that night, but she understood the reasons well, even without having an idea of the why's.

She had overburdening secrets too, and just like him, she had a bad habit of sinking into a fit of rage sometimes, when something fingered at her deepest sorrows. She had thrown the pendant into the fire a year ago, when she learned that the military had started eliminating the fireflies.

All she knew was that finding that pendant had opened an abandoned door in Joel's mind, and that he'd have trouble forcing those demons back in again. God knows she'd had to do it herself a million times, always wishing for a pillar of support.

She put her hands together in front of her stomach, playing her thumbs up and down as she approached the front door. She had a comic for Ellie in her jacket, and a bottle of Gin for Joel. Reluctantly, she extended her hand to knock, nibbling at her lower lip, feeling the familiar rise in heart beat.

Before she could, the door swung open, and Joel stood in front of her, his breath caught in his throat as he looked at her.

'I, uhh . .' she pulled out the bottle from her jeans pocket. 'I had this. I just thought . .'

Joel nodded hastily, still awestruck as he said, 'Come in.'

Ellie and Vera were in the hall, watching something on the mobile TV, and switched it off when they saw Joel and Kenda walking in. They greeted her, and Kenda handed Ellie the comic with a bright smile. Ellie thanked her. After a suggestive nudge and a sharp look from Vera, Ellie went upstairs with her, disappeared in the corridor behind the wall.

Joel turned back and looked at her, his tongue failing him. He was at an utter loss for words. He simply looked at her, partly guilty, partly relieved.

'Tommy told me you talked to him,' she finally said, her voice genuine. 'I'm . . I'm glad that you . . tried to know. That you were curious,' she shut her eyes and cussed under her breath, then corrected herself, 'that you made an attempt, to know the truth . . that's - what I meant,' she nearly mumbled.

'Me too,' Joel uttered, and felt ridiculous immediately. 'That I understood things, I mean.'

Kenda nodded, her eyes drifting around the hall.

'Tommy's, ah . . ' Joel struggled with the words, but finally spoke, 'he's a good brother. He's loyal. He sometimes loses his way and we have our fights, but we're family. He'd never hide somethin' from me, unless . . you know, the person was worth hidin' it for.' He stumbled around with words, and hoped that they made sense to her. She gave him a wry smile, slowly putting the bottle on the table, wrapping her hands around herself, keeping herself warm through her white thermals and grey jacket.

The awkwardness of the situation suddenly made no sense to Joel. He had spent enough time with her, talked to her more than he talked to anybody else in this town. He simply stepped forward, saying, 'Come'ere,' and pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her hair, taking in her scent whole heartedly. Somehow, she smelled like rain.

She slowly pulled away from him, and sat on the couch, Joel following. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked at her.

'There's something else that you should know about me,' she said, and looked at him. 'I was brought up by my father. He was in the army, and when the CBI hit, he was made the general of Chicago QZ,' she waited for a response. Joel looked shocked, eyes narrowed like he was trying to make sense of it.

'So I was brought up to be soldier too. After the infection, I was made to work under my dad, and I . . did things,' her voice got caught in her throat, but she recovered quick. 'Terrible things,' she finished, looking at him. 'The reason I joined the fireflies was because I thought they were different. I thought they had a better role in the world. When I found out it was the opposite, I left them too, and stayed back as a survivor before coming to Jackson county.'

Joel said nothing for a few seconds, just nodded understandingly. He didn't want to make the same blunders again, even though the military had a tastefully bitter place in his heart too.

'Last I heard, my dad had died when the Chicago QZ fell. I never saw him once I joined the fireflies,' she said.

Joel held her hand gently, and even through all the disparities and differences, understood why they were so good with each other. They had the same guilt-ridden heart, had the same ghosts chasing them from the past. And they were both still standing, desperately trying to catch on to a second chance.

'I did terrible things too,' Joel nodded, forcing himself to tell her the things about his past. He wanted her to know, needed her to know. He didn't want to take away another loved one's choice.

'If we had met ten years earlier, we'd be huntin' each others asses till one of us were dead,' he said, earning a bemused smile from her. He put his hand on her cheek lovingly, gently stroking her skin with his thumb.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered. He pulled her closer and sealed their lips in a kiss.

* * *

Ellie went into Joel's room, remembering that she had seen her Walkman with him the last time. She didn't want to disturb him and Kenda in the living room, so she simply went into his wardrobe and googled through the drawers where he usually kept his stuff. She went through the seven odd plaid shirts, the two pants and some other things she looked over. She bent down and traced her hand under the wardrobe, trying to feel anything metallic. She found a small, deep groove in the edge at the back, and when her fingers travelled there, a relieved smile spread on her face as she touched metal.

She pulled them out, registered the small object, with the five buttons on it forming a circle. They were recorders.

She pressed the button, and the voice that spoke immediately send a jolt through her body. She felt her fingers trembling as she heard Marlene further, heard her talking, saying things about the infection in Ellie's body. She held the second recorder in her other hand, and played it immediately when the first one stopped.

She felt the ground beneath her feet giving way, sinking, and she felt herself being sucked in like she was in quick sand. Her mind went blank, and all she could hear was her own ragged breathing. Reality exploded brilliantly in her face and spread across in front of her eyes, conquering the illusion of a life she though she had in this town.

Chaos raged all around her, like the entire house was being lapped up by red flames, like grenades were blasting the window glasses into bits, like infected were pouring in through the holes.

In the centre of her mind, only one thing ran over and over and over. A memory, which she had held onto like it was her last breath, which she had used as a wick to light the lamp of her new life.

Now it was black, dreadful, dripping goo. It was everything she despised in this world. The one single memory that had betrayed everything she had believed in for the past five months.

And the person in it.

The two words that were the key for joy in her heart, the earnest, desperate hazel eyes as he looked at her while saying them.

 _'I swear.'_


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Damage

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

Damage

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She felt Joel's supporting hand on her shoulder, and shrugged it off with so much anger that Joel was taken aback. She looked away and didn't turn to him no matter what he said.

She contained her emotions everyday, trying to be normal with him. Surely, if he had still kept those recordings, he intended to tell her the truth, didn't he?

So she waited everyday, every morning while he left for work, when they talked. When he was walking out the door, she would ask him, 'Is that all? Don't you have anything else to say?'

It confused him, but he would refuse and get along. She held onto to her belief stubbornly, foolishly. She needed to know it from him. Maybe then she could think about forgiving him. She didn't have the courage to go up to him and tell him about it, because it would shatter everything. It would mark the end of this life she was leading, this life she had only dreamed of ever before, only heard of in stories from school mates and books.

She wasn't ready to let go of it yet, so she played along until she thought she could.

It didn't help that she felt like running away every time she looked at Joel.

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September rains lazily rolled into the October chills, and in the middle had brought Joel's birthday. He had always hated birthdays, and all he wanted to do was spend it like a normal day. His close ones wished him that day, but it bothered him when Ellie had simply mumbled a greeting to him and gone away with Vera. They didn't return the entire day, but he later found a note in the living room that said, 'Gone to sleep at Tommy's. Be with Kenda. Happy birthday. -Ellie.'

Joel felt guilty, like some ominous thing had surfaced and was now fingering his thoughts every single minute. He felt slightly better when he saw Kenda decorating the hall and the bedroom with candles, and some wildflowers on the table arranged poorly, for scent. He had always been the romantic type, and things like this definitely made his day memorable. That night, Joel told her about Sarah when they were in bed, told her about the watch, and the soldier, whose bullets had changed him forever.

'Ever wondered . .' he said, looking up at the ceiling, laying in bed beside her, in his grey T-shirt and jeans. 'Ever wondered how different your life would be, if that one damned thing never happened?'

Kenda's gaze stayed on the ceiling too. Both of them were dizzy with gin, their heads light, their thoughts jumbled.

'Yeah,' she accepted. Joel looked at her from the side, and in a low voice, asked her what it was.

Kenda sighed. 'If I had not hesitated that night in St. Louis,' she answered. 'If I had stayed back instead of Janine. She would still be around. Even now, I feel like a coward for not going back there to look for her. I get nightmares.'

'You wouldn't have survived,' Joel said, but Kenda simply shrugged.

'Neither would you,' she mumbled.

They lay that way, wishing on invisible stars for an alternate reality, one in which they'd both be long gone.

October was harsh, with cold winds blowing in, shedding leaves from the trees to make multicoloured blankets on the forest floor. Animals rarely came out for Ellie to go hunting, and it was too cold to go fishing. She spent more time with Vera and Johnny, and took the shooting classes only twice a week.

Everything was quiet, smooth. Ellie found it disturbing. She hadn't seen any infected in four months. All she had done was play around, talk and have fun with Vera and Johnny. She felt like she was beginning to roll into this life, gently, beginning to make peace with the world, although her insides burned with the secret she held. She remembered the diary of the girl she had found at the ranch house, and it seemed bizarre to her that she could now relate to her. Maybe not about the fashion and the movies, but definitely about people. About love, about betrayal.

When the second week of October began, she vowed to write her own diary, began to jot down her thoughts and feelings. She remembered Kenda telling her about her teenage years, how she wrote a diary and it had helped her cope with small things, and how she had thrown the same diary into the river when she had grown up, as a gesture of 'letting go of the past'.

It seemed absurd to Ellie, but when she thought of her past, her fears and dark secrets, it started to make sense to her.

She looked at the empty pages, and fiddled around with the pen for a while, lost. She made several attempts to begin, and failed. Finally, she made up her mind, dug out the deepest thing in her, that had been eating at her soul for the past few weeks. Her patience had gone thin, and she wanted to know, wanted to hear, wanted the noise to end. She knew it was a bad idea, but as it surfaced, she realised that it mattered more than this life, more than her, more than him. She felt her heart almost wrenching, like somebody was trying to pull it out of her chest, as she wrote the first words in the book : 'I wish Joel had never lied to me . .'

Pain spilled out of her chest and seeped into the pages as she continued to scribble, filling them with everything that was coming out, everything that had been buried. With every sentence she realised what an illusion everything was. How fragile this reality felt, how easily it had fooled her.

There were still infected out there, biting and killing thousands of people. Each one of them was a Riley. And with every passing second, she felt like people were turning around her, like they were connected to her somehow and she could feel their pain, their angst and anger. All of a sudden, everything that had made her smile in Jackson - Joel, Vera, Angelica - everything felt like a lie. A beautiful lie.

By the time she was done writing, she felt tears rolling down her cheeks, dripping onto the papers. She slowly pulled back the sleeve of her right hand, and saw the mark. Red and white, spreading across her skin like plague.

She closed the book, her mind raging with adrenaline, her finger tips trembling, her face flushed. She pulled out her backpack from under the table and put the book inside, and went downstairs, found Vera in the living room, cleaning the guns.

'Where you heading to?' She asked her, eyeing her backpack.

'Just to the lake,' Ellie mumbled, walking out the door.

'Ellie, you're going alone?' Vera asked aloud, concerned. It made Ellie feel trapped.

'Yes, I am,' she said, looking at her. 'I'll be back in an hour or something.'

'Be careful,' Vera nodded at her. Ellie said nothing, her gaze lingering on Vera for a while. Then she gave a curt nod and left.

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Joel found her at the lake in the evening. She sat on the dock, her legs dipped in water, jeans pulled back to her knees. She was staring off into the distance, holding a book in her hand, opened to a random page.

His heart leapt with relief as he saw her. He got off of his horse and walked to her, calling her name.

She didn't look at him, her eyes fixed on the water and the mountains.

'Hey,' he said softly, sitting down beside her, looking down at her desolate face, distant eyes.

'How many times 'ave I told you not to run off like that?' he spoke, gently. 'It scares the shit outta me, Ellie.'

She ignored him again, and Joel began to notice her coldness towards him.

'Whats wrong?' he asked, bending forward, trying to look her in the eyes. She glanced at him once and immediately turned her face away, almost disgusted. He felt a prick in his chest. 'Ellie,' he repeated.

She simply closed the book, and handed it to him. 'What's this?' he asked, uninterested.

'You tell me,' she simply said.

Joel opened the book, turned the pages, and found her handwriting, scribbled across the five pages in the beginning.

He felt his heart speeding up, and read the first sentence, and then the second, then third. Immediately, he shut it with force and looked away, his fists clenched, right hand squeezing the book. He parted his lips and took a deep breath, steadied himself and continued reading again.

When he was finally done, he couldn't dare to look at her. Ellie noticed, and turned to him, her eyes as cold as the air around them.

'How?' she heard him utter, his voice hoarse, barely a whisper.

'Does it matter?' she blurted. 'So that's it?' she asked, her voice sharp as a knife. 'You're just going to avoid it?'

'Ellie . .' Joel began, and immediately fell at a loss for words.

'You lied to me, even after what I told you?' she repeated. 'Even after I shared my fears with you? How long did you think this would go on for?'

'They were going to kill you,' Joel said, his voice weak, his eyes closed. 'They were going to remove your brain. And Marlene wouldn't listen to me. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen.'

Ellie felt her eyes filling up. Hot tears poured down her cheeks, but she kept her gaze on him.

'I don't care!' she exclaimed, her voice wobbly. 'Why do I get to live and be fucking _happy_ when so many other kids out there get infected? Get killed?'

Joel looked down at her, felt his heart sinking, his mind reeling down into an abyss.

'I'm a nobody Joel!' she said. 'My life only has value because I'm immune! And even if I had to die for it, it was something that could give hope to the entire world!' she bent forward, her eyes boring into his. 'The entire fucking world!' she repeated.

'Did she ask you before?' Joel asked her, his voice equally painful. 'Did Marlene tell you that you would have to die?'

Ellie shook her head and closed her eyes. 'That's not the point here!' she said. 'Why would my choice matter in something so important?'

'It sure as hell would!' Joel exclaimed, his eyes wet. He got up, looking down at her. 'You might think your life means nothing Ellie, but it means a whole lot to me! Why would I sacrifice you for something that will probably never happen?'

Ellie simply stared at him in disbelief, getting up on her feet. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper, but it held all the hate she had ever felt towards anything. ' _You_ , sacrifice?' she said. 'Why the fuck would you even matter in this? Why would you make _my_ decisions for _me_?'

Joel felt his wounds ripping open, his conscience shaking. He loathed himself, because he couldn't find an answer, only a white, pure truth. The one thing that had pumped life and vitality into him, that he subconsciously felt in every fibre of his being, every second of everyday.

'Because you saved me,' he simply said.

Ellie's eyes softened. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks, but she wasn't crying anymore. He fought to look at her, and he was begging her silently, begging her not to say what he knew she was going to.

'I am not your daughter, Joel,' the words dug into his being like a sharp, hot knife. 'And you are not my dad.'

Her gaze lingered on his for a second, and then she broke it off, turned and left.

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 **A/N: Random thoughts. So I was watching Real Steel today and I realised how similar the dynamic between Hugh Jackman's character and the kid is to Joel and Ellie's. Just a passing thought. I imagine Joel woupd be like him in the movie, if the CBI hadn't happened. They dress kinda similar too, other than the leather jacket I guess. Hugh Jackman could pass for a decent Joel.**

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	15. Chapter Fifteen: Desolation

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

Desolation

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Joel found himself falling into blackness. The fall never ended, he never reached a surface, it never relieved him, just went on.

On the outside, he looked cold, indifferent. He walked the wall with his rifle, his eyes on the horizon, but every second he felt like the air grew colder than it was. He trotted on his horse, and his fists gripped the reins until his knuckles turned blue. He spoke to nobody, looked at nobody. There was an invisible wall around him, and it secluded him from everything, only left him alone with his thoughts.

The only time he tried to say anything was when he saw Ellie. He waited in the living room every morning for her to come down, and he would ask her things. His voice was always gentle, pleading, desperate. Just like his eyes.

'How are you feelin' today?'

'What are you going to do today?'

'Wanna come with me to the wall?'

He would wait there in the evenings, at night after dinner, knock on her door to check on her before sleeping.

' . . go fishing?'

' . . go for a ride?'

' . . Maria's house?'

' . . new movie?'

' . . new shirt?'

Stupid, irrelevant things that he used as a cover for what he was really saying.

'Please.'

'I'm sorry.'

'I don't want to lose you again.'

Ellie never said anything, just a 'yes' or a 'no', mostly the latter.

A nod, a shake.

A shrug.

Vera stayed out of the way, never spoke about it to him or Ellie. She went with Ellie most times, but they never talked much anymore, it was mainly Vera speaking. She would simply give absent minded answers, scoffed when Vera said something funny.

She spent more time with Angelica, went with her more often than she did with anybody else. It was almost like she was trying to avoid anything related to Joel.

Kenda was around for him whenever he needed her. They sat in the warehouse, and they talked, but he was mostly absent-minded, lost. She had asked him what was wrong, and he simply said he didn't want to talk about it. So she let it go.

Eventually, Joel gave up trying to ask Ellie or talk to her. Instead, he stayed with her whenever he could. He accompanied her when she went somewhere, after she'd give him a shrug, which he assumed was her permission.

They went riding, Ellie and Vera together, Joel behind them, watching Ellie closely. She was distant with Vera too, and although she did talk, it was never whole hearted.

Vera glanced back at Joel once in a while apprehensively, and he'd give her a weak but reassuring smile. She would nod and talk to Ellie again.

They were almost at the end of their ride, entering the dam through the back gate, when all of a sudden, Ellie turned her horse back reluctantly and looked at Joel. Vera went ahead, giving them two some space.

'I don't want to hurt you,' she simply said, eyes on the ground, forlorn. 'This is not me trying to teach you a lesson, or something. I just need time. Just don't worry about me, okay?'

'Will you . .' Joel looked at her longingly, concerned for her state. 'Can you forgive me?'

Ellie looked up at him, said nothing for a few seconds. 'I need time,' she repeated in a mumble, turned around and trotted ahead to join Vera.

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Joel observed that Maria hadn't been showing up at the dam lately, and had assumed that she wanted to stay home to nurse herself well for the baby.

When Tommy stopped showing up too, he knew something was not right. Kenda was concerned as well, so they both decided to head to their house in the afternoon.

Kenda walked ahead of Joel, entered their porch and knocked on the door. Seconds passed, and nobody answered.

She knocked again, only to be greeted by silence.

Joel tried to look into the windows, and found a dark living room, a few unwashed plates and cups on the table, a blanket sprawled across the couch.

He saw Tommy appearing from upstairs, and coming ahead to open the door.

He unlocked it and opened it halfway, looking at the two of them. His face looked exhausted, like he hadn't had enough sleep in a while.

'Hey guys,' he spoke, still holding the door half closed. 'I uhh, I don't think it's a good time right now. I-I know I haven't been showing up, but I'll come back tomorrow.'

'Tommy,' Joel said, catching his silent distress the moment he had laid eyes on him. 'The hell happened?' he asked, his eyebrows drawn together. Tommy finally met Joel's eyes, and realising he was the last person he could lie to, he opened the door wide and let them in.

'Where's Maria?' Kenda asked, looking back at him once they were inside. The house was dark in the afternoon. All the lights were switched off, the windows blinded.

'She's upstairs, sleepin',' Tommy replied, standing in front of them awkwardly.

Joel looked at him sharply, waiting for him to say something. 'You gonna tell me what's wrong?' he asked, shrugging.

'Everything's fine, we're just down with a cold, that's all,' Tommy answered, and went to a nearby window, rolling the blinds up to let in a gush of light. He winced as it hit his eyes.

'Tommy, you ain't gonna fool me,' Joel said, patiently, his voice gentle. Kenda's expression turned to that of suspicion as she looked at Tommy, his awkward behaviour and defensive answers.

He simply looked at Joel, and then at Kenda. He hesitated for a minute.

'Alright,' he mumbled, sighing. He looked like he had aged ten years in two days. 'Just don't tell anybody,' he turned and led them upstairs, into the dark corridor and a closed bedroom at the end of it.

Joel looked at Kenda, perturbed about the whole situation, slightly nervous. Kenda looked at him with the same clueless, bewildered expression, as Tommy peeped into the room, spoke something.

They heard a muffled voice of Maria, rejecting. Tommy pleaded with her again, and there was a long pause before she said okay.

He looked back and gestured for them to enter. Joel stepped into the dim room. Two of the windows were blinded, only one let in some light on the left side of the room.

Maria lay in bed, leaning against the headboard, blankets wrapped around her. She wore a loose shirt which looked like it belonged to Tommy. On the wooden floor close to the bed, he found cleaned out stains of blood.

Kenda sat down on the bed beside her, looked at her forlorn face. Her eyes were red, and dark circles hung under them. Her lips were pale, her face ashen.

Joel understood what had happened, and looked at Tommy sympathetically, went to stand beside him by Maria's bed.

'I'm okay,' she simply said to them. 'I know I don't look like it, but I am. Didn't show up because th-the . . bleeding went on for a week. I'll be better in two days, the doc told me,' her voice was feeble.

'You should get some more rest,' Joel mumbled, stroking her hair comfortingly. 'We can handle things down at the dam. You just . . take your time, alright?'

Maria looked up at Joel, and gave a nod, her eyes red and swollen. Tommy led Joel out as Kenda stayed back to talk to Maria about her situation.

He gently closed the door to the bedroom and turned to face Joel.

'Tommy, this is . .' he shook his head, looking back at Tommy. 'It's pretty heavy,' he squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. 'I'm sorry,' he added. Tommy wrapped his hands around him, and Joel patted his head, feeling the familiar heaviness in his chest.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Joel asked softy as Tommy pulled back, his eyes red.

'She didn't want to tell anybody,' Tommy answered, his voice low. 'I didn't either. We just thought . . we felt like we needed to share the grief, before callin' anybody else.'

'I understand,' Joel said.

'It's just so damn disappointing is all,' Tommy shrugged, eyes on the floor. 'I just want her to get better soon. Can't bear to see her like this. She's strong, Joel,' he said, looking up at him.

Joel nodded, felt the same helplessness he had a number of times in his life. The complete loss of power against the cruel tricks fate pulled on people. The temptation to surrender and give up hope, to shut yourself in the dark. He saw the same in Tommy's face.

'Give it time,' was all he could say.

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 **A/N: Random thoughts part 2.**

 **Why is Joel so perfect? It's like the crew of tlou just sat down in a circle and made a list of traits that a man needs to have to make ovaries explode and just kept checking the boxes and named the end result Joel.**

 **Favorite follow and review if liked thanks :)**

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	16. Chapter Sixteen: Distance

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

Distance

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As promised, Joel saw Tommy at the dam the next day. He told him to take the day off, that the others on the dam could handle things themselves. But Tommy refused.

When his guard duty was done, Joel sat by Kenda at the warehouse, taking the usual spot by the window. She looked nervous, her fingers interlaced on the table as she saw him approach.

'Everything okay?' Joel asked, noticing her slight detachment.

'No, not really,' she said. Then she looked behind Joel, at the familiar figure of Tommy, who was approaching them.

He sat beside Joel, who simply gave him a pat on the back as a greeting.

'Hows Maria?' he asked softly, observing the dark circles under his eyes, his frown.

Tommy gave a weak, defeated shrug. Then he looked at Kenda, who gave him a pursed smile.

'It's good that you joined us, Tommy,' she said, giving his hand a supporting squeeze. He nodded curtly, eyes on the wooden crate.

Joel looked at Kenda again, raising his eyebrows at her, waiting for her to continue the conversation where they had left off. She shook her head once.

'She ain't gonna do any better soon,' Tommy mumbled. 'She's strong, but sometimes it takes her time to get over things. Its just like when her dad passed away.'

'Tommy,' Joel gently put a hand on his shoulder. He looked into his distant eyes, and softly said, 'Go home. Be with her for as long as you have to. Kenda and I will handle things,' Tommy looked hesitant, but finally gave a slight nod. 'You both need each other,' Joel added.

Tommy looked at him reluctantly, and mumbled, 'She don't wanna talk to me. Said she needed time.' Joel saw the same worry in him, the matching sorrow that he carried in his heart. Without another word, Tommy slowly got up and left.

Joel's concerned gaze followed him as he disappeared into the road. He looked back at Kenda, who shared the same expression as him.

'You know what they say about winter,' he simply mumbled, looking out at the dull sky, the cold winds shaking leaves from dried trees. 'The cold brings sorrow.'

Kenda gave a wry smile. 'Nobody says that,' she pointed out, and Joel gave an indifferent shrug.

Kenda's gaze slowly changed, her eyebrows drew closer and her lips got thinner.

'Kenda, what's wrong?' Joel bent forward, noticing the blues on her face.

'Nothing,' she simply said, her eyes darting from his hands to his face. 'Just . . can you come over today?'

Joel gave a nod, slightly concerned about her distant attitude. 'Yeah,' he mumbled.

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Ellie held the arrow against the string and pulled, aiming it at a target twelve blocks away. She let out a long breath, before letting the arrow fly, and heard the familiar sound of it hitting wood.

Johnny rushed do the target sheet and looked, and gave her a thumbs up. 'Right in the centre!' he yelled from across the glade.

Ellie lowered her bow and nodded at him weakly. He collected the three arrows that were on the target and rushed back to her, helping her put them in her backpack.

'I hope I can be as good as you someday,' he mumbled, his voice resonating with admiration, and Ellie gave a wry smile.

'You will,' she said, as she slung her backpack on and looked back at him. 'You just have to keep practising,' she said, and they started walking back to the dam, making their way up the emergency exit.

Vera was on watch duty, and Johnny and Ellie were going back to the town. Johnny looked at her hesitantly, observed her distant eyes.

'You're being weird lately,' he said, and she glanced at him, her eyebrows scrunching.

'I'm just worried about something,' she mumbled, as they went past the ground, through the sounds of men and women working on the wall and standing watch.

'I don't wanna go home yet,' Johnny confessed. 'It's still afternoon. My mother must be sleeping or something.'

'Well . .' Ellie looked at the mountains in the distance, at the bluish grey sky on top. She sighed, and mumbled, 'We could go for a ride.'

She looked up at the wall, and her eyes travelled to the tower. Inside, she saw Vera, who looked down and waved at her. She waved back.

They took two horses from Damon, and found that all the other horses were in the line as usual, and so was Roger.

'Hows it going Ellie?' Damon gave her an affable smile as he pulled Pony from her reins and handed it to her.

'Where's Joel?' she asked him, looking at his horse.

'He didn't show today,' Damon said. 'Last I saw he left for town with Kenda yesterday evening. Didn't he come home?'

Ellie felt a pang of hurt in her chest, and immediately got defensive. She got onto the horse and rode out, Johnny following her hurriedly on his horse. They cantered until they were in the woods, and he saw Ellie's sullen form in front of him.

'What's with you and Joel, Ellie?' he asked, in a low voice.

She brushed him off, simply said, 'Stay on my tail,' as she set off her horse on a fast pace, racing ahead of him as he struggled to follow. She went down the familiar path, turning behind rocks and leaping over fallen logs, as her mind registered the concern she was feeling. She remembered him coming home late last night, entering her room and sitting beside her on her bed. She had tried to act like she was sleeping, but heard everything he said. About how he hoped that even though they were distanced at the moment, she would come to him whenever she had a problem. That she wouldn't keep him in the dark.

She rode through the narrow path and the dark tunnel, onto the damaged, moss covered roads until she reached the ranch house.

'Whoa,' she heard Johnny say as she got off of her horse. 'How did you find this?' he asked.

'I stumbled upon it last fall,' she said, walking into the house, opening the door to see the familiar hall, it's walls and floors illuminated with the daylight pouring in through windows.

Johnny looked around fascinated, went to fiddle with the things in the hall as she went upstairs. She made her way to the end of the corridor, walked into the alcove by the window and sat on the soft cushions, looking out. Last time she was here, the sun had been bright, and the ranch outside had looked glorious in shades of gold. Now, there were clouds covering the sky, and all she could see were dull strokes of color, like everything had fallen asleep.

She fished the same book out of her backpack, opened it and skipped the first five pages that she had already filled.

Then she wrote, 'I can't look at Joel the same way again. But I guess I don't have to worry about him that much, because he has Tommy, and Kenda . . I just don't want him to get hurt. I don't want him to feel alone again.'

She stopped for a second and looked at the space in front of her, by the bookshelf. She could almost hear his booming voice, see the pain in his eyes as he looked at her, the anger.

 _'You know nothing about loss.'_

The way he had contained the emotions, and spoken coldly, his eyes boring into hers.

 _' . . And we are going our separate ways_.'

The tiny flicker of softness that was arising in her immediately quenched, and she scrunched her eyebrows in foolish determination as she wrote down, 'I'm sure he will be fine without me.'


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Loneliness

**WINTER**

 **CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

Loneliness

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The white veil extended all along the valley, everywhere the eye could see. Trees hung bare, with chunks of snow in their branches and trunks. The ground was a blinding white, stretching all across the ridges and rocks. Birds were not heard anymore, only the cold breeze that blew in from the West. The town was now almost dormant, and the only place where some activity was noticed was at the dam as usual.

Ellie stood at the shooting school twice every week, rifle and bow in hands that were wrapped in thick woollen gloves. Her muffler almost covered her chin, and her cap stay pulled down to her ears. She breathed out and the air bellowed white in front of her mouth.

'Okay,' she began, looking around at her skeleton class. Since the snow had begun, barely three people showed up to learn. Johnny, as usual, was loyal and diligent, showing up everytime Ellie called, carrying his mother's rifle. The other two were irregular, one of them a boy barely ten years in age, and the other an old man who was somebody's grandfather.

'You guys must learn to be more careful in snow,' she explained, walking around, looking at them. 'Some times it's good, because the snow on the ground prevents you from making any noise as you move. But also, it's harder to aim because of the cover, and the winds that keep blowing around.'

As an example, she jumped and stomped her feet against the ground, making muffled noises. Then she pointed towards the bottles hanging from the trees, and said, 'Try and shoot them right this time, okay?'

Johnny nodded, and went first. Ellie watched, absent-minded as he took an aim at the bottle, and shifted several times to get a better angle. Her mind drifted, and she thought of the snow, the white shield that had covered her sight as she moved through the town last winter. The faint gongs of a distant bell echoed in the air, kept getting louder, and her deep breathing reverberated in her bones. She remembered the wooden door of the diner, set ablaze, her agitation and fear as she moved through the maze of tables, trying to get a go at David's neck with her switchblade.

Thinking of the time sent a shudder through her body. She breathed and looked up at the white flakes that fell around her eyes and danced in spirals, and far above, the white and grey sky, spread out like a scene from an oil painting. The coniferous trees had pine leaves filled with snow, and lay at the periphery of her vision as she looked at the sky.

The sound of a bottle shattering broke her from her thought, and she saw Johnny smiling at her, smoke tracing the barrel of his rifle. She nodded at him and flashed an encouraging smile.

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Joel bent forward, pulled the safety mask back on and worked the welder until the edge of the metal frame was melting. He traced along the vertical length, listening to the sounds of hammers and saws around him. The workers were busy building up walls for storage, making extra space for all the produce they had grown through out the year. He finished his work, feeling the sweat dripping down his temples and neck as he pushed the mask away and placed the welder back in the tool box.

'The door done?' he heard Geoff asking from the construction table, and he gave a thumbs up. Exhausted, he brought himself up on his feet and went to pack his things, getting nods of appreciation from the others as he passed by.

Since winter began, he was the only one that had been dedicated to his work, showing up every morning at 7 in the chilling fog, and staying back all the way until 8 at night. He took few breaks in between and seldom spoke to people, expect a select few who accompanied him. He felt his muscles getting sore every day, felt the cramps in his shoulders and thighs, which by the end of the day became a part of him.

He put on his coat and muffler and pulled his gloves on, walking out of the dam, stopping by the turbines. He saw Kenda on the railing, pulling a metal chain with the help of some other workers.

He stepped forward, and hesitated. She seemed busy, and hadn't noticed him standing there. It had been a while since he had spoken to her, and after a few attempts, she had given up trying to ask him, simply stayed with him and talked about different things when they were together, and sometimes met at home.

He caught her eye as she finished the pulling, and turned to wave at him once. He gave a wry smile, stepped back and turned. He felt the same guilt building up in him as he made his way home.

The path was cleared up every time it snowed, so people wouldn't get lost in the cold. He saw the faint outline of the road and walked along, the dusk greeting him at the horizon, a dull shade of orange and grey. Golden lights fluttered from the street lamps in the town, illuminating meagre parts of wooden roofs and walls.

When he opened the door to the living room, he found Tommy and Vera in the hall. A plate of meat sat on the table, covered on top with a plastic sheet.

'Maria insisted I gave this to you,' Tommy said, as they greeted each other with a friendly pat on the back. Joel pulled his gloves off and sat down on the chair opposite to Tommy.

It had been a month and a half since Maria's miscarriage, and now she was quite better, although still seemed to keep to herself at most times. Even with Tommy, she was always peripheral about things, never really talked to him about what was going on with her.

'Hows things with Ellie?' Tommy asked in a low voice, looking at Joel sympathetically. Joel simply ignored the question, undoing the muffler around his neck.

'She's upstairs sleeping,' Vera told him, as he looked at her questioningly. 'Said she was tired and wanted to sleep early. I gave her some carrot stew.'

'Thats good,' Joel mumbled under his breath. He looked at Tommy, and asked, 'How are things going with the . . houses?'

'A little slower than expected,' he answered. 'We'll get there, but it'll take time.' He looked at Joel once worriedly, and then glanced at Vera. Getting the hint, she excused herself and went upstairs, leaving the two alone.

'Joel,' Tommy began, looking back at him. 'I know it's hard for you. But you can't just shut me out. Talk to me.'

It wasn't new to Tommy, seeing Joel distanced from everyone else and keeping things to himself. That's how he had been since Sarah. He had seen a sliver of hope in Joel ever since he had returned from Salt Lake city. Once Ellie had distanced herself from him, he saw Joel relapsing to his old ways, slowly but surely. He saw him scowling at most times, his eyebrows always scrunched, his lips always pursed or bent in a frown. He rarely saw anybody, and always gave Tommy one worded answers. He had seen Joel keeping a distance from Kenda too, and rarely saw them together at the dam or the warehouse.

Joel had been spending time with her, but something in him had been let loose, that made him want to keep to himself at most times. Kenda didn't bother him with it, simply understood and stayed with him whenever he needed her.

He ran a tired hand across his face, his chest heaving with a sigh. 'I'm fine, Tommy,' Joel said, taking the plate of meat and walking to the kitchen, placing it in the small freezer.

'Well . .' Tommy shrugged.

'How 'bout you and Maria?' Joel simply asked, returning to the hall with some water.

Tommy waved it off. 'It'll take time. We'll be alright.'

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both of them immersed in their own thoughts, as the cold outside raged on into a storm. They heard the wailing and blowing of cold winds outside, eyed the windows, with frost lining the edges of the sills.

When Tommy left, Joel turned off the lights and walked up to her room, looked through the space to see the two separate beds occupied. Ellie's was on the right, and he saw the mass of brick coloured hair on the pillow, the rising and falling form of her breathing under the layers. He saw her diary on her table and picked it up, going through the pages, skipping the beginning. There was barely anything significant in it. The last entry in which he had been mentioned was at the end of October, when she had written off that he would be fine without her.

After that, it was just drabbles. Small things that happened everyday, which she had found fascinating for some reason or the other. Riding with Vera, sorting produce with Angelica. She even wrote about Kenda, but nothing about him.

He felt the same pain, it's icy fingers wrapping around his heart and squeezing it. He looked at her, and willed for her to wake so he could apologise again, explain himself again, ask her to come back to him again.

'Goodnight, baby girl,' he gently whispered, softly brushing her hair away from her forehead as he knelt down by her bed. He saw the freckles on her cheeks and nose, the warmth from her face and her tranquil expression as she slept.

He lingered, simply taking in the sight of her, because this seemed to be the only time when she didn't give him the cold shoulder, didn't greet him with an indifferent glance.

Then he gently kissed her forehead and retired to his room.

The winds blew outside, and made startling noises against the window as Ellie gently opened her eyes, looking at the door, at Joel's shadow that disappeared in the hallway.

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	18. Chapter Eighteen: Surge

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

Surge

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The man came running, panting and clutching his abdomen as he hurried towards the gate. His clothes were torn, and his breath hung in the air around him as he banged his fists on the gate repeatedly.

Maria and Tommy immediately appeared on the walls, their rifles pointed at him.

'Stop!' he exclaimed, stepping back, hands raised in surrender. He looked at Maria, and said aloud, 'I'm from Carol's crew in Detroit! We-we brought the stuff you asked!'

'What's your proof?' Maria asked, her gun still aimed at his head.

The man fiddled around inside his jacket, and immediately pulled out a paper, and pointed to the black seal at the end of it. An eagle and an arrow.

Maria looked a little relaxed, but still held her gun up as she asked, 'Where's your vehicle? Where's my goods?'

'The truck skid off of a cliff on the west!' he exclaimed, his face twisted in agony. 'I don't know if anybody else is alive! Please, we need your help!'

'Fucking hell,' Maria muttered to herself as she got down the wall, and Tommy followed, opening the gates to let the man in.

They warmed him up with some blankets and a glass of hot water, while Maria, Tommy and Geoff stood under the watch tower discussing. Barely anybody had showed up for their guard duties today, because of the air being mercilessly cold. There were only seven people on the wall, and three working on construction.

'What's the goods?' Geoff asked, looking at Maria.

She shook her head, saying, 'Just some machine parts, ammo and gasoline. Been running low on those lately.'

'I'll go get them,' Tommy volunteered, clutching his rifle. Maria gave him a sharp look. 'It's just a pick up. I'll take Joel and two others with me, we'll go there and assess the situation. Get back the goods.'

Maria looked around, hesitant. She finally gave a nod, thinking that it wasn't a big ordeal anyway. Tommy and herself had done this a number of times in the past, and came back unharmed.

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Joel carried his supplies in his backpack and his gun in his hand as he rode down the snowy road, Tommy on his horse riding by him. Anne was with them, riding on her white horse, automatic rifle slung on her shoulder.

The man had pointed out on the map exactly where it had been, and had given them some tips. The truck had taken a pretty steep fall, causing the engine to heat up and explode. He told them to look out for a line of smoke in the sky.

Kenda followed them behind, carrying two empty trunk bags strapped to the reins of her horse. Joel looked up at the sky and saw a faint line of smoke at the horizon, coming from the edge of a hill far away.

'We'll get there in an hour or so,' Tommy announced. 'It's close to the falls, by the small lake.'

'All that smoke,' Kenda said, looking at the black trail in the sky. 'We can't be the only ones going toward it.'

'Let's hope for the best,' Tommy said. 'Not many bandits around nowadays.'

'Stay close, Kenda,' Joel simply said, glancing halfway back at her.

After a long ride through frozen mountain ways and white glades, they arrived at a hill road at the edge of the hill. Joel and Tommy got off of their horses and went to check the truck on the lower surface. It's front was crushed against the rocks, its back leaning against the steep cliff. The explosion seemed to be restricted to the front and the rocks, since the back was secure. It could have been a disaster, considering the nature of the load.

'We gotta go get the stuff out,' Joel suggested, looking at the line of smoke arising from the flattened face of the truck. 'The smoke could spread to the ammo. That ain't gonna be good.'

'Right,' Tommy nodded, and the four of them immediately got to work. They pulled out the ropes and climbing gear, found a sturdy, tall rock to tie the ropes around.

'Since you're the strong ones,' Tommy said, handing the tied ends of the ropes to Joel and Kenda, 'Stay back and make sure we don't die.' He handed a climbing harness to Anne, kept one for himself. They both clasped it onto their bodies and began to climb down the ropes, Tommy going first.

Joel held the rope securely and watched over them, giving them instructions on how far down to go. They landed onto the back of the truck. Anne unlocked the door and gently swung one open, making a loud creaking noise from the rusted metal hinges.

'Whoa,' Tommy uttered, looking in at all the goods, still in fit condition.

A rustle sounded behind, and Joel immediately turned to look in its direction, only to find nothing. His eyes traveled back to the rocks behind them, the drooping trees from the collapsed road over head, the rubble that fell down to the one they were on, paving a way for an entry. The rapid snow fall didn't help with his sight either.

'You hear that?' he asked Kenda, and she nodded, her gun in hand.

Joel felt adrenaline pumping into his body as he heard the sound again, and immediately pulled out his gun, keeping it ready in his hands.

'All this smoke,' he grumbled, and stepped to the edge of the road. He looked down at Tommy and Anne, and said, 'We're not alone.'

A roar sounded on the rubble, and suddenly there was an explosion of yellow and red, heat pouring into Joel's skin as the flames erupted. He shielded his face in time, but felt embers on his hand as he struggled to see through the flames from the Molotov.

'Shit!' he cussed, as Kenda pointed her gun up towards the rocks and fired. He caught blood sputtering from behind a tree, a scream of agony. He saw three men jump down in front of him, and fired at them almost reflexively. Joel pulled the trigger towards the two that were charging in his direction. Kenda shot the third as he tried to catch up to him from the back.

He heard Kenda's grunts as she fought off a man that had crawled up from behind. He turned immediately and dove into the man's body head on, pinning him against the rock. The gun fell from his hand, and Joel pounded his face and bashed his head against the rocks. The man sank to the floor, limp.

'You okay?' Kenda asked, stepping towards him. He nodded. 'You hurt?' he asked her, and she shook her head. He checked for bullets in his gun and reached for a new mag from his backpack. He felt movement at the corner of his eyes, and looked in time to see a man on her heels, and yelled at her to look out, but it was too late.

The man grabbed her by the neck and drove his Swiss knife into her pelvis, right above her hip bone. She grunted, as the man choked her from the back. Blood spilled from her wound, stained the snow crimson.

Joel felt the rush of rage and adrenaline as he leaped towards the man, his teeth bared like an animal. The man immediately pressed the knife against her neck. 'Stay back!' he warned. 'Stay back or I will slit this bitch ear-to-ear!'

'Do as he says,' Kenda nodded at him, her eyes lingering on his sharply, like they were hinting at something. Joel clenched his fists and jaws, his gun in his hand.

'Put the gun down,' the man ordered. He did as told, and slowly raised his hands mid air.

'Come on down!' he yelled aloud, and Joel heard people jumping down onto the road behind him. He clenched his jaw, waiting for one second of overlooking from her captor.

Five men had joined them, and Kenda breathed with relief when she saw that they didn't have any guns. They only carried boards, rods and knives. They looked pretty young, and the only mature one was the one holding her.

Joel kept his glare right on the man's eyes, not taking them away for a second. The man gave an amused smile, returning his challenging gaze. Joel felt the curdling rage in him, the primitive fury and urge as he looked at the man's face, saw Kenda covering her wound with her hand, failing to stop the bleeding. It dripped, turning her clothes a deep red, drenching her fingers.

'Go get the stuff,' the man ordered the young boys, and they went forward to the edge, bending over to see.

'Tommy, don't shoot!' Joel yelled.

He got silence in response, and prayed that Tommy had trusted him, atleast until he had a chance to fix things.

He waited until her captor was looking over the edge, his attention on the boys as they scavenged. He still gripped his knife firmly.

'Show us, bitch!' Joel could hear them ordering Anne, and then the creaking of opening doors echoed in the air.

'Step back. Move,' he heard them shoving Tommy out of the way, and heard his footsteps as he jumped onto rocks farther from them.

'Just take it all, alright?' he heard Tommy's wary voice.

'Damn!' The elder man exclaimed, as the boys began to fish out things one by one.

Kenda nodded at Joel reassuringly, letting him know that she was okay. He was grinding his teeth, his breathing quick as he waited.

He heard clinks and clangs as they pulled out machine parts and ammo, and then wobbling liquid as they brought out the cans of gasoline.

'Careful . .' the elder man said. They had one can out, and were going for the next. The same sound echoed, the liquid wobbling in the container.

Then there was a slip and a tumble, a splash.

'Fuck!' the man yelled in frenzy, and Joel seized the opportunity to pounce at the man, pull his knife hand away, and turned it back to stick the edge into his neck. Blood splattered on his shirt and skin as the man groaned in pain.

A loud explosion bellowed in the air, the force pushing Joel and Kenda back against the rocks as flames rose up into the sky, the embers swinging out in every direction.

He immediately collected himself and pulled Kenda by the elbow, started working his legs as he sprinted out of the way, knowing full well what was next. The gasoline was out, but now there were grenades and ammunition on the way. He could hear the blood spilling from behind him, and carried her in his arms, running to the other end of the white road.

He stumbled as a second explosion filled the air, and then a third, a fourth, a fifth. Flames engulfed the extent of his sight as Joel kept sprinting, and looked back when he was at a safe distance. The horses had already leapt away to the direction in which they had arrived, he couldn't see them anymore.

He stopped at the edge and carefully brought her to the ground, as she clutched her wound with both hands, fingers and clothes soaked red.

'Christ,' he mumbled, as he slowly pulled her hands away, lifted her coat and shirt to see the ripped skin, the red flesh and blood.

'I'm fine, Joel,' she breathed. 'Find Tommy.'

He looked down, saw a sea of fire lapping up the tree branches and rocks, white and black smoke rising in the air as burning fire met with ice.

His heart sank as he found no sign of him, only fire shaking branches and melting snow.

'He wasn't near the explosion,' Kenda said to him, pulling out a med kit from her backpack. 'These guys . . they told him to move away. Anne was inside the truck when it blew up,' she shut her eyes once, breathing unsteadily as she doused the bandages in alcohol.

He turned to her and took the bandages from her, dressing her wound as his mind spiraled in confusion and fear.

'How're we feelin'? He asked, his voice breathy, nervous.

'Just lost a little blood,' Kenda replied, holding one end of the bandage as he ripped it off and tied it up. 'I've been through worse.' He looked at her, gave her a brief kiss on the forehead, holding her head close to his chest, partly relieved that he could atleast keep one of them alive for now.

He looked back at the truck, found smaller explosions still going in the parade of fire, and found everything around it burned to a crisp, including the man and the boys.

The rope was gone, and so were his weapons. His backpack still hung on his shoulders, but it only had med kits, and a pistol with six bullets. All he could do now was find a way around the edge so he could descend to the rocks below and unite with Tommy.

He prayed to God that Tommy had been nowhere near the truck.

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	19. Chapter Nineteen: Castaway

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

Castaway

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Ellie woke up late that morning. She opened her eyes and looked at the window to the side, and felt her neck and chest burning. She tried to sit up, but a headache pounded against her eyebrows relentlessly. She felt weak, like there was no energy in her muscles. Her body felt unusually chilly, and she shuddered, repeatedly.

'Fuck,' she mumbled in a hoarse voice as she realised that she was sick. The window was closed, but she could see white shadows billowing outside, cold winds wailing. She hated that air, the white out everywhere.

'Morning sleepy head,' she heard Vera's warm voice from the doorway. She walked to her and sat down on the chair by her table, a cup of hot milk in her hand. She smiled at Ellie, but observed her red cheeks, squinted eyes and the occasional tremors in her hands.

'Yeah, I'm sick,' Ellie nodded, wrapping the blankets all around her.

'Shit,' Vera mumbled, testing her temperature against her forehead and neck.

'It's nothing,' Ellie assured her, in her faint voice. 'I've been sick before. I-It feels like viral. It'll get better in four days.'

'I'll go get Angelica,' Vera mumbled, standing up. She helped Ellie sit up, and gave her the glass of milk. The liquid felt hot and comforting in her hands as she sipped it.

Vera was about to walk out of the door, when Ellie uttered, 'Where's Joel?'

Vera looked back at her, her wide green eyes and concerned face. It was the first time she had mentioned Joel in two months, and she felt the urgency in her words, saw the worry in her expression.

'He's at work,' Vera said. 'I'll go get him-'

'No!' Ellie retorted, her voice cracking, forcing her to cough. She shook her head. 'It's okay. Just- ask Angelica to get the doc.'

Vera looked at her for a while, observed her silent solicitude. Then she pursed her lips, nodded and went to get Angelica.

Ellie shuddered, lowering the cup to her thighs, feeling the warmth it gave to her core. She looked at the window again, saw the white winds, heard the winter howls. The distant sound of gongs seemed to return, like a warning sign of what was about to come. She felt the cold, calloused hands on her neck, pressing, the dreadful voice demanding.

 _'You think you know me? Huh? Well lemme tell you somethin'. You have no idea what I'm capable of.'_

She felt another shudder, and felt her hands trembling, like they were gripping the machete and hacking his face, spilling blood everywhere around her. On her skin, her clothes and hands.

'No,' she mumbled, remembering the dread of last winter. She suddenly felt warm, at home, and she saw Joel, pulling her to safety, pulling her away from herself, the machete dropping.

Joel's embrace, his hands holding her to his chest firmly, stubbornly, like he was protecting her from an invisible ghost, like he was never going to let go.

 _'He tried to . .'_

 _'Oh, baby girl . . It's okay, it's okay, now . .'_

She felt the same hollow in her chest, and suddenly, a wave of remorse engulfed it. She shook her head immediately. She remembered Riley, the bite mark on her wrist, her face as it turned and got sweaty, as she slowly lost her mind, clicked her teeth at her. Ellie's hands trembling as she pulled the trigger when it rushed towards her.

'Not yet,' she mumbled to herself, like she was desperately trying to hold onto her stubborn anger. She rejected the part of her that was softening, bending and giving in. She clutched the blankets to her thighs. 'Not yet.'

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Joel heard them too, the distant gongs, faint, but persistent. They followed him in the white out as he walked among the trees, tried to see through the thick cover.

'Tommy!' he called aloud, looking around. He glanced back and saw the distant flickering yellow among all the white, the site of the explosion. Kenda was standing on a rock a few metres away from him, calling Tommy's name, receiving nothing in return. He kept walking around and looking for him, calling in different directions. With every wave of silence that met his voice, he felt a familiar dread. He progressed, stomping through the blankets of snow on the ground. 'Tommy!' he called again.

He had his pistol ready in his hand, his eyes squinting through the cover to try and see anything. Looming figures of tall coniferous trees and snow covered rocks came into view as he progressed through the maze of the forest in the snow. He called his name again, kept mistaking the rocks around for a human figure.

A faint voice greeted him from the left. He turned and called, 'Tommy, that you?'

'Here!' he heard Kenda's voice among the howls of the wind. The bells still rang in his ears, and they seemed to come from a new direction everytime. He struggled to walk through the foot-deep snow. 'Where?' he called again, and received another call. He followed the voice, taking a deep icy breath as he realised that it was him. He saw a moving hand among the snowy winds, a few blocks away from him. He rushed to the spot, found Tommy leaning against a tree bark, his legs spread out on the ice in front of him. Kenda knelt by him, her eyes on his left leg. 'He's hurt,' she said, as Joel approached.

Joel saw a trail of blood on the snow, reaching all the way to his left knee. The clothing on his knee was tattered, the skin peeled at several places. Blood poured out, and Tommy held the top of his thigh tightly, to try and minimise the blood loss.

Joel pulled out the Med kit and tied a strip of cloth on top of Tommy's thigh to stop the bleeding. Then he covered the wound with sterilised bandages, listened to Tommy as he spoke.

'My backpack was on the rock,' he said. 'It's a crisp now. It had the rescue signals in it. Without horses we gotta take the long way 'round. I don't even got a map. All I got are two grenades and a fucking catalogue from the truck.'

'We'll get back,' Joel said to him. He tied off the bandage and helped Tommy stand up. Tommy insisted that he could walk by himself, although he limped and winced with each step.

'You ever been here before?' Kenda asked, looking ahead at the white clouds, the shadows of trees which disappeared after a few blocks.

'There's Grass lake a few miles up this way,' Tommy replied. 'I remember. Some people held out there in the first three months after the CBI.'

'They'd have supplies,' Joel said, as he started to walk in the direction Tommy pointed at. Tommy limped along by his side. Joel handed him the pistol and kept the axe with himself, while Kenda held her 9mm in her left hand, the other hand pressed against her bandaged wound.

'We gotta move quick,' Joel said, looking up at the faint grey color of the sky. 'Nightfall's in a few hours.'

The forest under the white cover seemed endless, like they were just circling through the place and ending up where they began. Winds blew relentlessly, and they had to keep their eyes shielded as the flakes got in their lashes. They walked down what seemed like a slope, went across a glade and kept walking. They journeyed for hours, and saw the daylight breathing it's last breath as a faded orange hue engulfed the forest, giving the snow gale a beautiful, peculiar color.

Joel could still hear the bells, ringing in his head, as he remembered walking through the white town last winter, adrenaline pumped in every vein of his body. He remembered the silent, ever preset panic in his chest, that had begun the moment he had opened his eyes in a dank basement, and found Ellie nowhere around.

'There,' he heard Kenda point ahead with the barrel of the gun. Joel squinted, and in the distance saw a large sign, broken, hanging from one end of a pole. It made creaking and clinking sounds as it swung back and forth.

They got to the sign, and Joel read the golden letters : GRASS LAKE. The rest of the sign had frost on it, and he saw a red ribbon tied to it on one end. It was torn at the ends.

'That was the group's sign,' Tommy explained. 'Tied a red ribbon at places they occupied.'

'Anybody been here in these twenty

years?' Joel asked, as they walked past the sign, entered a plain land.

'Not that I know of,' Tommy answered.

Joel knew there were bound to be infected in there, and considering the time frame Tommy had given, maybe a bloater or two. He cussed silently under his breath as they walked, and finally laid his eyes on the faint shadow of a sloping roof nearby.

As they got closer, Joel saw spores spurting out of the broken doors and windows of the stone building.

'I got a few grenades here,' Tommy pulled two out of his jacket.

'Wait here,' Joel said, pulling his mask out and putting it on.

'Be careful in there,' Kenda said, as she handed Joel her gun, and waited at the spot as Joel snuck into the building, jumping over a window.

The hazy air had spores flowing in every direction, but the building was intact. The ceiling, floor and tables were in one piece.

Joel took a deep breath, tried to clear his mind. Ellie was persistent in his thoughts. He had to make it back to the town in one piece, with Tommy and Kenda.

Ellie might not be needing him right now, but he needed her.

She was his baby girl.

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	20. Chapter Twenty: Brotherhood

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

Brotherhood

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The clicker stood under the stairs, it's body shaking in spontaneous spasms and it's teeth clicking together loudly. Joel hid in the shadow of an open door, and after a rough assessment, he knew that there were clickers on the bottom and top floor, and a bloater somewhere upstairs, from the ground shattering roar he had heard a few minutes ago.

Joel held his breath and made his way to the open door, facing the hallway and the stairs. With a deep breath, he clutched the edge of the open wooden door and banged it against the stone wall, making loud, sharp noises. Sounds of the infected waking up, roaring, screeching and running towards him echoed in the house as he stepped out of it went down the stairs to step into the snow.

He saw clickers rushing in his direction, and aimed his pistol at the first one, shot it right in the head. The lost clickers found their way again, and followed the sound of the gunshot. Joel moved further back, and turned around and rushed to Tommy and Kenda, thankful for the snow that muffled his footsteps. He pulled the mask down, and watched as the clickers stood steps away from each other, looking around, some of them beginning to wander.

Tommy pulled out the key from the grenade and threw it head on at the charging pack of infected.

'Run!' Joel screamed, following the both of them as they ran across the glade. The clickers paused to inspect the fallen object that was letting out smoke with a sharp, low whistle.

There was a brilliant flash of light and spewing snow as the grenade exploded, with an ear-shattering sound. Pieces of the clickers flew across the snow and blood splattered around, as the three of them covered their faces to prevent contact with the body parts.

'Goddamn!' Tommy exclaimed, looking at the black splatter on the snow near the building. Kenda rested her hands on her knees, breathing, laughing. Tommy hooted once, holding his limp leg as he saw the embers still flying with the snow, and the few body parts on the ground that twitched.

They heard a roar again, and saw the bloater stomping out, rushing to the direction of the blast.

Joel took the other grenade. He beckoned the two as they quietly moved out of the bloater's way, their steps muffled on the snow. They escaped an eruption of spores just in time. Joel left the grenade back at the place they had been standing in, and saw the bloater approaching it, standing there and turning around, confused. The grenade exploded, and the roar was cut off mid way.

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The stone building had more supplies than Joel had expected. Untouched med kits lay in the drawers, cans of processed food were stacked in the shelves.

There were even sleeping bags, tents and whistles in the metal wardrobes.

They put up the tent in the back of the building, where there were no windows. The wall protected them from the direction of the winds, and gave them enough cover in case of any surprises.

Kenda and Joel explored the building, looking for more supplies. There were knives, some ammunition, pistols and a sniper in the attic upstairs. Kenda found some old cassettes and a book that she put into her backpack.

Joel glanced at her hands, saw the tapes and smirked, getting back to his supplies.

'Stevie Nicks?' he mumbled, and she shrugged.

'Brings back memories,' Kenda confessed, as she closed her backpack and slung it across her shoulder.

He shook his head lightly, the wry smile lingering on his lips as they made their way out of the house. He helped her over a collapsed table.

The fire provided them enough warmth for the night, and beside him, Kenda was already asleep. He could tell that the wound was pretty bad, even when she tried to brush it off. It had pierced clean through her muscle, dug deep.

He gazed at her as she slept in the tent, resting her head on her hands. He felt the mild contrition rising up in him as he saw her, turning his wry smile to a straight line, bending his eyebrows at the ends.

'You two doin' okay?' he heard Tommy's voice. He snapped out of it and looked at him, trying to cover up his expression.

'Yeah,' Joel simply answered.

'You haven't been spending much time with her lately,' Tommy observed, warming his fingers on the fire. Joel cleared his throat, shrugged. 'It ain't like that,' he said, his eyes on the fire. 'I just need some . . time to myself. She understands.'

Tommy nodded, watched as Joel turned back and gently pushed a strand of Kenda's hair behind her ear, gazed at her for a few seconds.

'I just feel like . .' Joel sighed, his eyes on her lashes, travelling to her blood stained shirt and the dressed wound, colored red with patches of blood.

Tommy waited patiently, looking at Joel's forlorn face, his sunken eyes.

 _Like I don't deserve it,_ Joel thought to himself. He looked at Tommy and shook his head, leaving the sentence unfinished. With a sigh, he got up and walked a few blocks to the glade, stood in the middle.

He looked up at the sky, the stars twinkling in the indigo stretch, the crescent moon lying somewhere in between.

He wondered if Ellie would ever forgive him, if she would ever talk to him again. He hated himself more and more with every cold glance she threw at him, and felt the clean veil on his conscience coming down, revealing it for truly what it was, tainted and twisted to ugly shapes.

He saw Tommy walking to him slowly, following his gaze to the skies.

'New year's in three days,' he said to Joel, admiring the night sky. 'It'll be better than Christmas. Everybody gather at the ol' stable ground and have this feast. Lots of food . . They play music, dance, kinda like a hoedown. Even the most lonely ones get laid,' he smirked.

'Remember our last new year with Sarah?' Joel said, glancing at him sideways. He felt a smile on his lips as he spoke, 'We took her to Michael's new year's party. The hell were we thinkin'?'

Tommy laughed, the scene playing in his head like it had just happened yesterday. The beer fountain in Michael's garden, the drinking games men and women were playing around it.

'Wasn't our fault,' Tommy shrugged. 'We didn't even know him back then. Remember Sarah's face when she saw the strippers?'

Joel smiled wryly, the nostalgia emanating a warmth in his chest. He remembered Sarah's jaw dropping open as she saw a woman in a cage, her clothes barely still on her body. They had immediately apologised for it and taken her away, and she still kept shooting questions at them about the dancers, weird doubts that even Tommy was appalled at. That year they celebrated at home, the three of them and Tommy's then girlfriend, singing and dancing in the living room.

Both their smiles faded slowly, and they looked ahead, at the blood splattered on the ground, the infected body parts surrounding it, the spores pouring out of the house.

Joel felt the icy grasp around his heart again, the wrenching pain, and he immediately masked it. His loathing towards the world returned.

'She would've liked this,' Tommy said, and Joel glanced at him, saw him gazing back at the stars again.

'Yeah, I bet she ain't ever seen somethin' like this before,' he mumbled, almost to himself.

Tommy looked at him once, and saw the years of hurt in his eyes, the wrinkles on his face, the lines on his forehead. 'Yeah, I bet she hadn't,' he mumbled, and chose not to tell him that he had meant Sarah, and not Ellie.

He gently patted Joel on the back, and said to him, 'Give it time. She'll come around.'

Joel looked sideways at the snow as Tommy walked back to the tent. He stood there for a while, thinking of the things he had read in Ellie's diary. About how she didn't want him to get hurt, didn't want him to feel alone. Those words gave him hope, made him realise that she hadn't given up on him for good.

That she could, in fact, come around.

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Morning came, and the storm died.

Joel opened his eyes, and found two wide, green orbs on top of him, staring into his being.

'You just had to fuck it up somehow,' he heard the voice, clear as light, ringing in his ears. 'Thank God for Tommy, though.'

Joel tried to move, but he couldn't. His voice was lost, and everything around him seemed to move, except his body. He was paralysed, and could only watch as Ellie got up and pulled out her joke book from her backpack.

'I hate insect puns,' she began, and gave a dramatic pause, looking at Joel excitedly. 'They bug me.'

He heard the sweet laughter, saw her bending down and giggling as she looked at him, saying, 'Get it? Cause bugs are insects?'

His breath got caught in his lungs, and he opened his eyes again. His heart sank when all he saw was the yellow ceiling of the tent. He could hear movement outside, feeble chatter.

Joel sat up, drank some water from his canteen and walked out. He found Tommy filling up a new backpack with extra supplies from the building, Kenda sorting her ammo, reloading her 9mm.

'We gotta get a move on,' Tommy said, as he pulled the backpack onto his shoulders and got up. 'Found a map inside. It'll take us two days to get back to the town.'

Joel sighed impatiently, pulled his backpack and folded the tent into it.

'Maria must already be sending search parties out,' Tommy said. 'Boy, she'll have my skin when I return.'

'Let's hope it doesn't come to that huh?' Joel grunted as he lifted his backpack onto his shoulders.

Kenda stood up, pointed straight ahead, onto an easy slope, and said, 'That way. Straight up ahead through the forest.'

'Let's go,' Joel mumbled. He followed Kenda solemnly as she walked ahead, eyes on the snow. The silence in the air carried a distant sound, and Joel found himself accepting it. The bells.

Kenda glanced back at him, her eyes lingering on his for a few seconds. He looked at her, shrugged. 'I'm fine,' he mumbled.

He almost saw the wooden diner in the distance, blazing, engulfed in flames.

'We'll get to her soon,' he heard her saying.

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 **A/N: Holy crap guys the trailer. My life found purpose again.**


	21. Chapter Twenty-One: Rekindled

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

Rekindled

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Ellie lay in bed, panting, sweat breaking out fresh from her temples and neck. She felt her chest burning as usual, her mind all boggled up like it had just been shaken to it's core. Vera and Angelica sat by her, but her eyes opened and looked to the the other side. She saw an empty chair.

She shut them again, feeling the same dread crawl up. The darkness still lingered at the corners of her eyes, and sometimes she heard voices, of different people, some of them from so far back in her life that she couldn't even recognise them. There was one sound that stayed constant and undeterred, and it came in through the window.

The bells - feeble, but relentless.

Shadows passed in front of her eyes, and she recognised them clearly. She recognised the large, wrinkled forehead, recognised the black hair, recognised the malicious eyes. Felt the grip around her neck tightening, heard the same words in her ears. It happened several times a day. David came and left, but every time he did, she could feel him from miles away, like a dark aura that crawled out from under her bed or leapt down from the ceiling fan.

He came and went, but Joel was nowhere to be found.

She didn't call him, just waited for him to show up. She didn't want him to know that she needed him to protect her. She just wanted him to be there.

Once in a while, she heard familiar voices that she could place in her mind: Vera, Angelica, Maria, Johnny.

All of them said to her, 'He's coming, Ellie. He's on his way.'

But he never did. A small part of her mind that wasn't drowned in delirium still spoke, conscious and coherent. She saw it taking form; this part of her mind. The rational, fearless part, walking out from the ever present darkness, chasing it away whenever it appeared.

It was her.

The same black hair pulled into a ponytail, the denim jacket, the beautiful smile. The silver pendant. She was well, clean, the way she had been when she had come to visit Ellie at school after six months of going AWOL. No blood stains, no bite marks.

She sat by her on her bed, looked at her with a carefree smirk. 'You let this fever stop you?' she asked, raising her eyebrows.

Ellie looked at her weakly, unable to move her lips. Even when she opened her mouth, her voice was nowhere to be found. Finally, in a cracked, hoarse voice, she uttered, 'What do you mean?'

Riley rolled her eyes, smiling. 'Don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind, Ellie.'

'What?' Ellie said, her head pounding, her breath ragged.

'Well,' Riley shrugged, casually. 'You always were kinda numb in the head.' She bent forward, looking into her eyes, speaking like Ellie were deaf or retarded. 'I think Joel's in trouble!'

Ellie said nothing, her mind still teetering at the edge of falsehood and reality.

'You really think he wouldn't come to see you in two days when you're sick?' Riley asked. 'Joel? Really?'

'I told him to stay away,' Ellie mumbled. 'Riley, please go away. You're not helping.'

'He wouldn't care. He knows how stupid you are,' Riley said, standing up. She turned around and walked towards the window, glanced back in the middle, saying, 'No matter how much you deny it, you still need him.'

She disappeared into the snow outside, but the knowing smile lingered in her mind.

Ellie was all alone again, except for the patches of darkness in front of her eyes, her reeling mind. She saw faint figures of Vera and Angelica by her, felt a hand clutching hers on the bed.

She felt someone pulling her sleeve back, and a sharp pain in her arm for a second, followed by a rub. Somebody held her head up, put a bitter tasting thing in her mouth and forced her to swallow it.

'One more dose and she should be fine,' voices spoke from the void.

She felt a numbness spread through her body, and saw the darkness clawing its way into her field of vision, covering it, and soon it had engulfed her.

She fell quiet, her breathing downed.

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'Fuck,' Maria muttered as she sat at the engineers table, her eyes on the map in front of her.

'We'll find them soon, Maria,' Geoff encouraged from the side, and the others nodded in agreement. They spoke positive things, saying that the three were tough, and two three days out there in the snow was like nothing to them. That they would come back in one piece.

She looked at the red line and cross marks on the map, which noted the path they had probably followed to get to the truck. From that point onwards, there was a diverging of possibilities, as to the areas they might have wandered off to. They ruled some of them out, and now had only five possible routes that anybody could take to come back to the town.

'With all the snow fall,' Monroe explained, pointing at two of the paths. 'These two are probably cut off now. That leaves us three ways.'

Maria nodded immediately, almost in desperation. 'Let's go,' she said, getting up. 'Get the horses and weapons. We'll find them by afternoon.'

'Maria,' Geoff said softly, his hand on her shoulder. 'The people need you here.'

She gave him a cold glance, but slowly bent as she realised that it was true. She was responsible for everything in the town, the face behind all the activities. She couldn't abandon her post for hours, especially since even Tommy wasn't around to fill it.

'They only trust you,' Geoff continued, as she sat back down, pressing her closed fists against her forehead. 'You're our hope. You gotta stay.'

'I am, aren't I?' she snapped, annoyed. She looked around the table, at the concerned, speechless faces that glanced at her.

'I'll lead the Search team,' Geoff said. 'I'll take six others with me. We'll return before night fall.'

He turned and walked towards the door, as the usual members of the Search efforts got up and followed him.

'Geoff,' Maria called after him. He halted and looked back at her questioningly.

'Return with my husband,' she said plainly, her voice deep, ominous and laced with malcontent.

Her tone and her eyes sent a chill down Geoff's spine. He nodded, and set off immediately. Vera walked in as they left, stood by Maria, resting her hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

'Ellie?' Maria simply asked, looking halfway back at her.

'Angelica is with her,' Vera said. She sat down on the table beside her, resting her elbows on her knees, facing the open door. She saw the men and women getting onto their horses, Geoff giving them instructions, and all of them setting off.

'I swear to God,' Maria said, her eyes on the red crosses and lines on the map, 'If they don't return by New Year's, I'll gut them three.'

Vera gave a wry smile, as her eyes scanned the white capped mountains in the background of the wall and the forest. She saw the grey sky, the drifting clouds.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

'Ellie.'

Lights were shining in and out of existence, yellow, white, red. They blinked like stars and street lamps, gave out heat.

'Wake the fuck up, Ellie.'

She slowly opened her eyes and saw the dank ceiling, the turning fan. The darkness still lingered, although it seemed to have decreased a little bit. Her mind was still in tangles, and the headache was now an annoying prick in her eyebrows.

She looked to the door, and saw black shadows and tentacles dancing, heard the bells ringing from the window.

'Now get up,' she heard Riley again. She looked to her side, and found her, standing by her bed, bending down to look at her. As usual, she was bright, clean. She was keeping the darkness at the door away.

Ellie slowly sat up in her bed, pressing her hand against her forehead. She saw Angelica asleep on the chair beside her.

'We gotta get to Joel,' Riley almost whispered, motioning her to move quickly and quietly.

Ellie tiptoed out of bed, and as soon as her toes touched the cold floor, she shuddered. She walked to the coat hanger and grabbed her sweater, coat and muffler. She discreetly slipped gloves onto her fingers. Riley was waiting outside in the hallway, her face bright, speaking to her in hushed tones.

'I heard them talking,' she said to her. 'Apparently Joel, Tommy and Kenda got lost somewhere and didn't return. They heard an explosion in the forest or something.'

Dread engulfed Ellie again, but she put it at bay and didn't let it conquer her mind. She looked back at Angelica, and on the table saw a capped syringe filled with medicine, and a pill on a coaster.

'What're you doing?' Riley whispered aloud. 'You don't need those, you're fine! Let's go!'

Ellie slowly took the two in her hand and placed them in her pocket. Her head was still reeling, and her body still shuddered once in a while, but she wasn't completely out. She knew Riley wasn't real. She knew she was just a personification of her mind, a figment of her imagination.

She took a silent breath and followed her down the stairway, saw the darkness always lingering at the corner of her eyes, like it was following her, waiting for a chance to pounce.

Ellie took the 9mm and fifteen bullets from the drawer downstairs, and pulled her backpack on with the bow and arrow.

'Vera's not here,' Riley said to her, as she walked to the door and stood by it, observing her glancing around. 'She went to the dam. She won't be back for two hours, come on!'

Ellie opened the front door, and a cold wind gnawed at her cheeks. She pulled the muffler higher and walked out, closing the door behind her.

'Vera and Angelica were talking,' Riley explained, as she followed Ellie into the empty, grey street. Snow fell from the sky, but it was subtle, the flakes barely danced with the wind.

'How do you know all that?' Ellie asked, as they both made their way down the street, taking the back route to the stables, from where they could easily access the back gate of the dam.

'I'm more attentive than you, so duh,' Riley rolled her eyes. 'You were busy rolling around in bed.'

Ellie felt a chill pass down her spine. She watched with wary fascination as Riley walked ahead of her, wearing the exact same clothes she had seen her in, the last time. Her face was clean, and her voice was loud and clear. She was radiant, like she had candles in her body, and they were making her glow from the inside.

She felt the grip around her heart tightening as she realised what was going on. It was pulling her into this charade, into this part of her mind that desperately wanted Riley to come back. It was her guilt, her sorrow, her unfulfilled wishes coming to life in front of her. For a few minutes, she felt like giving in to this beautiful hallucination, giving in to this blissful fallacy.

She could still feel the darkness behind her, following, lugging along.

'Look at that,' Riley said, as they jumped over the stable fencing and entered the snow covered ground. Ellie looked up, and saw lights, hundreds of them - golden, blue, red and orange. They were studded on a wire, and spewing across poles all over the ground to make a ceiling of twinkles. She saw gnomes in the garden, and ribbons hanging from the poles. More lights waited on a table, to be put into their place.

'Remember Angelica telling us about New Year's in the town?' Riley asked, glancing back at Ellie, her eyes reflecting all the lights. 'Wow, I can't wait. When they're done, I bet it'll look even better.'

Ellie spared no minute to linger and take in the marvels, just continued on the path, crossing the empty ground and jumping over the fence on the other side.

She unbound Pony from the stables, and fed it an apple. Riley stroked it's neck, fascinated. 'Man, remember when Winston taught you how to ride?' she asked, as she got onto the horse, running her hands through its soft hair. 'I fell so many times. My butt nearly cracked. I don't know how you were so good on the first try, though. Usually you suck at everything.'

Ellie said nothing, simply climbed onto the horses back, and pulled it's reins to send it into a canter. Riley giggled behind her, throwing her hands into the air as the horse went faster, swifter, and with a leap that seemed to get them to the sky, went over the fences and onto the snow covered path towards the back gate of the dam.

She pulled the reins hard once, because her head was suddenly twisting, like it had been on a roller coaster. As the horse came to a halt, she pressed her stomach, feeling the nausea building up, her head throbbing and swirling.

'This is nothing, Ellie!' she heard Riley from behind her, her hands on her shoulders. 'You'll be okay. Just go a little slower.'

Ellie got off the horse, still holding its reins. She let go of them, rushed to a nearby rock and threw herself on it, feeling the nausea rising, coming onto her throat.

She threw up several times, and then drank water from her canteen. Riley was waiting for her on the horse, watching her, concerned.

'Better now?' she asked her, her hand running up and down Pony's neck.

Ellie knew she shouldn't entertain this, shouldn't talk to her. To it. But she looked at her, and nodded.

'Yeah,' she mumbled, walking back to the horse, climbing onto it as Riley scooted back. She took a deep breath, her eyes on the snow covered terrain in front of her, her head still dizzy.

Joel's eyes flashed in her head, his voice. She felt her mind coming to a halt, her breath slowing, her resolve strengthening. She knew Joel could handle himself, but there was something in her that forced her to go, to save him even though he didn't need saving. She'd gotten all the time she needed, now all she wanted was to go to him and punch him, hit him and hurt him. She felt tears stinging her eyes as she thought of him.

With a sniff and a deep, shaky breath, she muttered, 'he's gonna pay for this,' and sent her horse into a dash again.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two: Goodbye

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

Goodbye

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Ellie saw the line of horse trails going down the slope, and she sent Pony into a trot, watching them closely.

'I'd say about Seven or eight of them,' Riley guessed, looking down with her.

Ellie took a moment to drink some water, and calm her reeling mind and trembling fingers. She chewed on two sweetened plums from a can and went along again.

Riley was right behind her, and it messed with Ellie's mind, because she could hear her talking, but felt no presence, no body warmth, no hands.

Just heard her voice.

'So Vera seems pretty nice,' Riley said, as they went through white pine trees and rocks. 'She loves you. I know you love her too.'

Ellie followed the horse trails quietly, saw them going through a tunnel, and then down a sharp turn through a glade.

She could feel her breaths getting shorter and quicker, like something was sitting on her wind pipe. She coughed several times, shuddered.

'Remember that day when we first met?' she heard Riley smiling. 'You were this new kid and everybody was so curious. I remember the guys trying to bully you, getting into fights with you for that stupid Walkman,' she heard a laugh, and felt her voice getting silvery. 'I actually felt bad seeing you. Remember that?'

Ellie felt a smile crawling onto her lips, and said, 'I still stand by that. I had it covered back there.' She heard Riley laughing.

'Yeah right!' Riley quipped. 'Those kids almost beat you to a pulp. Thank God I was around to save your ass!'

'Whatever,' Ellie said aloud, rolling her eyes. 'Point here is, we need to find Joel. So just concentrate on the -'

'-Trees?' Riley said, her hands raised to the surroundings. 'The rocks? The buttless road ahead?'

Ellie said nothing as Riley giggled at her own joke, like it was really funny. Then she heard her gasping, her voice excited as she asked, 'You still got No pun intended: Volume Too?'

'Yeah,' Ellie answered, feeling a slight prick in her chest. 'I-It's in my backpack.'

'Pfft! I don't even need to look at it!' Riley waved Ellie's suggestion away. 'Like the genius I am, I got it all stored in here,' she pointed to her temple.

'Well, let's hear it,' Ellie played along, feeling herself spiraling down dangerously into her company. She felt herself weakening, felt her mind giving in to the sweetness of the memories it was replaying for her. She could still hear the throbbing veins in her head, and still see the darkness in the corner of her eyes.

'A boiled egg in the morning . .' Riley started, and waited, giving Ellie the dramatic pause. The cold wind brushed against Ellie's cheeks as she rolled her eyes and both of them said in unison,

'Is really hard to beat!'

They laughed to themselves, and for a second, Ellie saw a light studded carousel pass her by, the horses turning, the music playing, see the mall lights that were blinking in and out of existence, just the way they had when she was asleep.

'Oh, here's another!' Riley said, as Ellie sped the horse up, felt the icy air stinging her eye lids and neck.

'When a clock is hungry . .'

'It goes back four seconds.'

'-goes back four seconds!' Riley giggled again, bending forward, clutching her stomach.

'Okay, here's ones you'll love,' Riley said, as the wind got stronger, faster. The horse leaped over a few rocks once, and Riley threw her hands in the air.

'What did David, the cannibal, get when he was late for dinner?' Riley asked, and Ellie's heart skipped, her mind jumbled again. She pulled the reins and brought the horse to a halt, her heart beating quick. She jumped off the horse and looked back at Riley, her eyebrows scrunched, her eyes full of hurt.

'Come on now, play along,' Riley said softly, as she followed Ellie and stood in front of her. She could see the darkness catching up to her, the carousel and the lights disappearing. She could feel her mind reeling around again, like it had just been dipped in water.

'It's not funny, Riley,' Ellie said, her eyes sharp on hers.

'Ellie,' Riley cooed, gently placing a hand on her shoulder, and one on her cheek. 'Look at me,' she said, softly. Ellie took a deep breath, her head still pounding, her breaths quick as she looked at her.

'He's dead,' Riley said, gently pushing a red strand behind Ellie's ears. 'He's gone. And you cannot hang onto the fear that he put in you.'

The darkness seemed to retreat, slowly, but steadily. Ellie didn't look at it, just concentrated on Riley's words, her earnest eyes.

'You are bigger than your fears,' Riley said. 'He's not real. You have to let him go.'

Ellie slowly shut her eyes, felt the darkness sinking around her, like it was being pulled in by something bigger. She felt her fingers trembling and sweat breaking out on her forehead. The tentacles danced and shook as they slowly dissolved, vaporised. Soon, the shadows were gone.

'A cold shoulder,' Ellie mumbled, and they laughed.

'There,' Riley giggled, as Ellie opened her eyes again. She delved into her black orbs, took in the life-like glow in them. They were hazy, like they were struggling to cling on to reality. For a second, Ellie forgot that Riley wasn't there. She could hear the music from her Walkman playing, loud and clear, the rusty old song 'I got you babe.' She could feel the lights twinkling around her, shining among snow covered trees and rocks.

With a feeble, defeated voice, Ellie found herself whispering, 'Don't go.'

She looked at the ground, rested her forehead against Riley's. The icy air stinging her red cheeks, the breeze howling in the grey evening light. She saw Riley pause for a few seconds, her eyes scanning her shadowed face in confusion, and with a steady hand, pull off the firefly pendant and throw it on the snow.

Ellie looked at the spot, and found nothing. There was no necklace. Just plain, white snow, spiraling, falling quietly from above. She closed her eyes again, felt the lump in her throat as the scene played in her mind.

She saw the infected rushing in, following them, chasing them. She felt her chest burning as they ran through corridors, tried to barricade doors. The confusion, the fear, the anxiety. The desperate need to make it out alive, to spend another day with each other, to see daylight.

'We'll figure it out,' she heard Riley mumbling, her voice gentle, like the clinking of a wind chime.

Ellie opened her eyes, felt the tears in her lids as she stepped back, looking at Riley. She gulped, trying to push away the lump that sat in her throat.

'You're not real, either,' Ellie said, her voice cracking. She could feel her body heat rising, the throbbing in her head getting louder, her lungs almost closing.

'I know,' Riley mumbled, looking into her eyes, with a nervous but hopeful smile. 'But I'm still here, right? We can-'

'No,' Ellie said, shaking her head, a tear rolling down her left cheek. Her voice was stable, but she could feel her insides collapsing and rebuilding, like some kind of beautiful rearrangement, like a ballad.

'You died a year ago, Riley,' Ellie said, fully aware that she was talking to herself - the deepest part of her mind, her remorse, her fear. 'I can't keep holding on to you like this. I can't remember you like this anymore. What happened that day, it was nobody's fault,' she sniffed, remembered Joel, the words he had said to her on the cliff.

 _'No matter what, you keep findin' somethin' to fight for.'_

'I have to let you go,' she said, and met with Riley's gaze again. Riley looked back at her, confused, her eyes scanning her face for the truth. She said nothing, simply breathed.

Ellie could feel her legs weakening, her fingers trembling. With shaking hands, she pulled out the syringe, sat down on a log. She pulled her sleeve back, uncapped the syringe and pierced it into her muscle.

She closed her eyes for a minute, resting her head against the tree trunk behind her. She breathed.

When she opened her eyes again, Riley was gone.

Ellie stood up, the silence greeting her from all directions. The sky was dark, the moon was out. She could still see the dam far behind her. She climbed onto her horse again, and looked ahead, found the trails. They were faint, almost covered with snow, but she could still trace them.

She pulled the reins and sent her horse into a leap, her head clear, her breathing deep.

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The fire burned low, making yellow ribbons among the black wood. It provided enough warmth for the three. Tommy and Joel sat on logs before it, warming up their icy fingers, heard the tranquil crackling of the flames.

The night was silent, with only the howl of the breeze that sounded once in a while.

He looked back at Kenda, saw her reddened face, her quick, shallow breaths. He walked into the tent and sat by her, slowly turning her face towards him, saw her opening her eyes lightly.

'We'll get home soon,' he said to her. Tommy followed him, standing at the entrance of the tent, bending to avoid the ceiling.

'The knife must've gone deep,' Tommy mumbled. 'It's gettin' infected. We gotta get her medicine soon.'

Joel looked at him, his eyebrows drawn in worry. His eyes traveled back to Kenda, her trembling fingers, quivering lips. She looked at him with squinted eyes, and mumbled, 'I'll be fine.'

'Damn it,' Joel muttered, pulling out his coat and covering her shoulders with it, stroking her hair back along her face, mumbling, 'Just rest okay? We'll be there in a day.'

Tommy pulled out the map from his backpack, and used a stick of coal to mark the point they had reached. He traced the rest of the path, making a few corrections in between.

'We should be back by tomorrow evening,' he said, as he folded it again and pushed it back inside. He looked at Kenda, and asked aloud, 'Think you can make it till then?'

Kenda gave a wry smile, her breathing quiet. 'You're not getting rid of me that easy, T-Tommy,' she said, her eyes on him. Tommy reflected her smile.

She covered her neck with Joel's coat, closed her eyes as a shudder passed through her body. Joel knew what she was going through, as he had quite a few times in his past. The pain was blinding, almost like someone was boring into the wound with a screwdriver. He patted her lightly on her hand, and hesitantly went back to Tommy. They closed the tent flaps, and sat by the fire again, Joel visibly disturbed.

His thoughts drifted to last winter again, the time he had spent in the basement, delirious for days. He remembered Ellie's distant words, that flashed in his memories once in a while.

 _'You'll be okay.'_

 _'You'll make it_.'

He wondered if Ellie was worried about him, and even though the deepest part of him told him that she would be, the memory of her indifferent glances forced him to think otherwise. Maybe she's still in town, living life like nothing had gone wrong, knowing full well that Joel would make it back alright.

The thought made him feel hollow inside. He did hope for that, because he didn't want her to worry for no reason. But a part of him wanted her to freak out, to watch out for his return everyday. A crazy fraction of him assumed that she could go out looking for him, and he realised with a wry smile that that wasn't impossible, knowing her fiery spirit.

He felt stupid for thinking it, but maybe getting lost like this would scare her enough to love him again.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three: Meadow

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

Meadow

* * *

Geoff and the others had set up camp for the night, and he was the one standing guard while the others slept. He sat by the fire, assessing the distance they had covered. They still had to travel for an hour or so after dawn, and then they would reach Grass Lake. That was the nearest place from the site of the truck accident that held out potential supplies, and knowing Tommy, he was confident that he must have led them that way.

He folded the map up and took a bite of an uncooked sausage, looking up at the dark night, the twinkling lights.

He heard galloping in the distance, and looked around. He saw a horse approaching him from the east, a tiny freckle bouncing in the white terrain.

He stood up immediately, squinting into the distance. Karina woke up from her tent and looked out, irritated.

'What's that?' she asked, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders and joining his side.

As the horse approached, they saw that it had no rider. It galloped to the camp and trotted the rest of the way to Geoff, snuffing.

'That's Pony,' Geoff said, examining the name on the reins. 'It's the horse Joel's kid always used. I guess they got separated or something.'

'Why is it here?' Karina asked, looking at him worriedly. Geoff didn't answer, but the silence gave an idea for the worst.

'Goddamit,' Geoff mumbled, and Karina woke the others up. He knew that girl well enough, knew what a spitfire she was. He wouldn't be surprised if she had come out following them looking for her dad.

'What now?' one of them asked, looking at the horse. 'We can't just leave her, wherever she is.'

'No,' Geoff mumbled. He looked back at them. He pointed to Karina and Joan, and said, 'Take your horse back the way Pony came. Look for her. Alright?'

Both of them nodded.

* * *

It was almost midday, and the clouded skies saw Joel, Tommy and Kenda walking through snow covered roads. Joel was holding Kenda firmly, his hand around her waist as they walked, keeping her stable. Tommy stopped as he spotted the bridge far ahead.

'Well,' Tommy said, squinting and looking ahead at the green structure, that appeared no bigger than a toothpick from the distance. 'We're here. Another hour and we're home. What'd I tell ya?'

Joel was leaning against a tree, taking deep breaths. Tommy shrugged and sat down on a log, drank water from his canteen. Kenda sat beside him, leaning against a tree trunk, her face pale. She pressed her hand firmly against her wound, her breaths ragged and her fingers trembling. She clutched the coat around her shoulders tightly, delving in its warmth.

'Here,' Tommy mumbled, helping her drink some water.

She thanked him after a few sips, opened her eyes once and looked around, saw the grey day, the snow falling gently from above.

'Man, I'm sick of this white everywhere,' Kenda mumbled. Joel walked to her, gently pulled away her coat and shirt, looked at the wound underneath. The bandages were red, and he saw the blood smudged around the wound, still fresh. She was still bleeding out.

'Don't have any bandages left,' Kenda said to him, as he covered the wound up again and looked up at her. He stroked her cheek protectively, pulling her into a warm embrace.

'Just hang in there alright?' he said, and she nodded. He saw her hollowed eyes, the dark circles that seemed to have appeared only yesterday. She looked pretty sick, like the infection had spread through her abdomen. Even though she was holding up well, he could see that she was in a lot of pain.

He looked at the snow, and far ahead, found multiple horse trails, almost covered by the snow fall of previous night. He could still see pale hoof marks, standing out in the even white surface.

Tommy followed Joel's line of sight, saw the trails. 'Maria's gonna have our skins,' he mumbled, and scoffed. 'They must've taken a whole circle by now,' Tommy said. 'Must've gone through the entire way we came.'

'Should we wait?' Joel asked, walking to the hoof marks, bending down to examine them. There were roughly five to seven horses, but the pattern confused him. Most of them looked old, and had been nearly covered and frozen by the snowfall in the night. One of the trails looked fresh compared to the others. It was still damp, and the impressions were deeper.

Joel stood up again, feeling a familiar foreboding in his head as he followed the tracks with his eyes. His eyebrows bent, his lips parted in a frown. He looked around for anything else that could explain the confusion, and found a tiny glinting surface on the snow a few blocks away. Joel walked to it, and bent down to pick it up.

It was an empty syringe.

He looked down, and saw footsteps on the snow, followed them. They started from the trail of horse hooves and ended at the log, before rebounding again.

He felt a chill going down his spine, spreading to his arms and legs, giving him goosebumps at the back of his neck. His heart leapt several times, his muscles clenched as he assessed the impressions again and again and again. He felt screams tearing inside of him, adrenaline flooding.

He knew exactly, the size of the shoes, their shape. He knew it well.

'Fucking hell, Ellie,' he muttered to himself.

'What?' Tommy asked, walking to Joel.

'She followed them,' he heard Joel mumble, his eyes shut, his breathing unstable.

Tommy looked at the trails, and what Joel had said made sense to him.

'How d'you know it's her?' he asked, looking at the footsteps that made a double trip to the log and back.

'She's the only idiot that would do something like this,' Joel said, his eyes following the horse trails all the way back into the woods, disappearing down a slope. He looked back at Kenda, her cowering form against the tree, the coat wrapped around her.

'Well . .' Tommy sighed, his face twisting in concern. He turned to Kenda, shrugging. 'She needs to be back soon,' Tommy mumbled. 'If it spreads to her lungs, it'll be bad.'

'I know,' Joel nodded, his voice hushed as he stepped closer to Tommy. 'Which is why I need you to take her back to the town, alright? Can you do that?'

'And you're gonna go alone?' Tommy asked, his eyebrows drawn in disbelief. 'Jesus Joel, you don't even know if that's Ellie.'

'I'm sure,' he shook his head. 'You got no idea what she went through to keep me alive last winter. I gotta go get her . . promise me you'll get her to town.' he gestured towards Kenda.

Tommy shook his head hesitantly, looking down at the trails. He sighed, and gave a nod, going back to Kenda.

'I'll be back before you know it,' Joel said, helping Kenda stand up. Tommy wrapped her hand around his shoulders, helped her take a step ahead.

'You . . better be,' he heard Kenda uttering, her voice hoarse. Joel held her hand once and gave her a brief peck on the lips. 'Don't worry 'bout me,' he mumbled. Tommy nodded at him as they set off towards town, Kenda's breathing now loud and broken. Joel's eyes followed them for a while, before he turned around and went after the trails.

He saw the trails going down a slope, the afternoon light illuminating the tracks in a grey hue.

 _'l got you, Joel,'_ her voice echoed through time, all the way from last winter. _'You're gonna be okay_.'

He felt her small hand on his chest, her presence on the cold basement floor beside him. The fragments came to him the way snow fell to the ground- fleetingly, randomly, but definitely.

With every moment his resolve grew stronger.

 _I got you Ellie,_ he thought. _I'm coming_.

* * *

 **A/N Reviews help guys. If you really enjoy my ff/have some criticism concerning anything about the story, please DM or review. Always looking for feedback from you guys. Thanks for reading :)**


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four: Departed

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

Departed

* * *

There was no breeze that afternoon. The snow clung to the pines, and the leaves never moved. Everything seemed to lay still. None of the animals came out either, not even the rabbits. The sun hid itself behind a thick curtain of white clouds, and snow fell meagrely.

It was almost like everything had come to a halt.

Silence hung in the air, haunting, almost disturbing.

Ellie cussed under her breath, feeling a new kind of hatred towards the world for being so quiet when she needed noise.

She hid behind the log, unmoving, taking shallow breaths as her head still ached.

She could hear the clicking and shuffling from the snow covered meadow behind her, the infected wandering around the cabin, their restless movements.

She had stumbled upon the cabin about four hours ago, and as soon as Pony caught a whiff of it, it freaked out, leaping, neighing, finally dropping her off of its back and galloping away. The noises had invited all the infected out into the open, and to add to her misfortune, most of them were runners.

One of them had bitten off a chunk from her right foot, and she had been forced to shoot and run away, use whatever she could find on the snow to distract them. It was a close call, but she had done it.

She lay behind the log, incapacitated, bleeding, with infected waiting behind her.

She could tell that they had turned recently, and that they were all bandits. They had the same clothing, the jackets and jeans, and some of them even had guns dangling from their tattered clothes.

The bandage around her injured foot was almost soaked, and she could feel her sickness returning, slow but steady. Even bandits, she could have easily taken down. But the infected were a different kind of deal.

She took a deep breath and peeked out from above, saw some of them stunned in their spots, twitching and quiet. Others were still wandering around, in all possible directions. There were roughly twenty of them.

Ellie undid the bandages around her wound slowly, and redressed it, biting her lip as she tried not to scream at the burning of alcohol against her open skin.

She waited for a while for the pain to subside, and tested her balance several times, failing at each. She cussed under her breath, her wound throbbing, bleeding more with every attempt she made.

She pulled out all the bandages she had, and tied them all around it in layers, making a shoe-like covering around her foot. She tested it out, and though it hurt, the effect was less. She took a deep breath, and quietly moved into the shadow of the closest tree.

Pony had escaped straight ahead from the meadow, galloping away in the direction of the trails. Ellie didn't have that option, so she decided to take the long way around, avoiding the meadow completely. It would probably set her back by a half an hour. She hoped that the search team hadn't returned to town already, because that would leave her with no direction.

She moved slowly, shifting from one shadow to the other, pausing in a shadow whenever a runner was dangerously close to her. She waited several times to numb her pain, but trudged along again, following the same pattern.

She prayed that Joel was somewhere in the trail, that he hadn't wandered off in a completely new direction on a whim. She hoped that he was still alive, and in one piece.

She felt the stinging in her foot getting deeper, like the pain was spreading through her leg, travelling up her body. Sweat broke out on her skin again, as she moved under the shadow of a rock. She collapsed onto the snow, and extended her foot, to find blood dripping out of the layers, dropping onto the white snow.

She peeked out again, and to her relief, found some of the infected stumbling back into the house, looking for shelter from the cold. Some of them huddled together in groups, twitching and spasming together, giving each other heat. In an hour, they will all have moved back into the house looking for warmth.

She looked up at the sky, and guessed that she still had four hours left before nightfall. She took a deep breath and rested her head against the cold rock, decided to wait it out till the infected went back in. If the people were following the same way, and if her luck hadn't run out completely, they would come back down the same path while Ellie was still on it.

Now that she had no horse, she had to find a shelter somewhere. She knew that the infected weren't the only things to look out for in the night.

* * *

Joel felt dread crawling up in him, black and thick, eating up his insides. With every step he travelled, his fear grew, laid a new grip around him, each one colder than the last. Scenarios plagued his mind- horrible, unimaginable things that he probably wouldn't even see in his worst nightmares. Spontaneous visions kept flashing in his head, some of them from the past.

He shut his eyes tight, pushed all the thoughts aside and tried to rationalise his mind as he followed the trail. His heart was pounding, and he contained his fears in it, stuffed everything in it and concentrated on his mind.

He looked ahead, to where the trails went straight into a large, white meadow. With a quick breath, he rushed towards it, and found impressions in the snow, jumbled up and circling several times haphazardly, and a patch of distortion in the snow. There were footsteps everywhere on the ground, scattered, random.

'This ain't good,' he mumbled to himself, observing the pattern.

Joel saw a crimson stain on the snow a few blocks away, followed it. He saw patches of blood, similar, trailing back into the woods, in the direction they had come through. He could feel blood on his hands, seeping between his fingers, gushing out onto his skin hot and quick. He could feel the ragged, broken breathing, the small, delicate frame clinging onto her final breaths as she lay in his arms, and he looked at her, helpless, powerless.

Shattered.

He followed the trail, the adrenaline flooding his body, fear clouding his mind. He instinctively yelled, 'Ellie!'

Something stirred in the cabin behind him, but he didn't care.

'Ellie!' he called again.

* * *

Ellie could hear the familiar voice, and she brushed it off. Her head was pounding the way it had been last night, and she knew that the voice was just another figment of her imagination.

'Ellie!'

It was louder, closer. She opened her eyes immediately.

She felt her heart leaping as she got to her feet hurriedly, ignoring the jolt of pain she felt from her foot. She grabbed her backpack and bow, came out form under the rock and looked into the glade.

She saw the familiar form in the centre, looking in different directions. She felt her heart go through a roller coaster of emotions as she laid eyes on him, and felt her hurt filling it up, felt it ready to explode into relief and triumph.

'Joel!' she cried out, and her voice sounded pained, like she was accusing him of something bad, like she was ready to hit him.

He turned to her immediately, and met her gaze across the glade.

She saw him breathe something, inaudible, as his features fell with relief and the fear disappeared.

A scream echoed from the cabin behind him, and Ellie's face changed.

'Look out!' she shouted, her hands instinctively reaching for an arrow from her backpack.

Joel turned just in time to find a clicker at his heels.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five: Everyday

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

Everyday

* * *

Shots fired in the meadow as Joel and Ellie stepped back, aiming their guns at the infected that were pouring out of the house.

'Go, Ellie!' Joel yelled, reloading his shot gun and shooting a runner right in its face.

Joel held them out for a while, and rushed back to Ellie, pulling her into the woods. The pine trees provided good cover. The runners followed them in, screaming, flailing their arms, but lost them among the rocks and trees, wandered around in confusion.

Ellie pulled him down to the rock she had been hiding under, and they sat there, catching their breath, waiting for the infected to give up and go away.

Joel looked at Ellie, saw her reddened cheeks and sunken eyes. Her cheekbones made shadows on her face, and her lips were chapped. She looked like she had been sick.

'What the hell were you thinkin'?' he grumbled at her, his voice deep and low, laced with the same paternal concern Ellie had heard before. She met his gaze with accusing eyes, felt her blood boiling.

'What was _I_ thinking?' she repeated in disbelief. He shushed her, and Ellie brought her voice down.

'You were the one that disappeared without a trace!' she exclaimed in a loud whisper. They could hear the sounds getting distant, like the infected were walking away slowly. 'Everybody kept talking about some explosion, and you guys getting lost! What was I supposed to do, just fucking sit there?'

'I was doing fine, Ellie,' Joel emphasised, his voice louder. 'Tommy, Kenda and I were almost back home four hours ago, until we found your trails.'

'Yeah, sure you were,' Ellie replied sarcastically, pointing to his blood soaked hand and clothes, from tending to Kenda's wounds the same morning.

Joel said nothing, but his eyes caught the red bandage on her foot. 'Come'ere,' he said, in a slightly softer tone, as he reached out to examine her foot, but she pulled it back.

'I'm fine,' she said, pushing his hands away.

'Can you walk?' he asked her, genuinely, gesturing to her foot.

'I can fucking walk, okay?' she retorted, peeping out of the rock once. The infected were wandering in the glade, disoriented, confused.

Joel observed the same over the rock, and said, 'We can go now. Just follow me and don't make any noise, alright?'

Ellie scoffed.

* * *

Joel felt a mix of guilt and relief as they made their way back to the town. It was deep inside him, but he could feel it. The fear that had taken over him in the afternoon had shaken him up from the inside, and after finding her safe and in one piece, he believed that they still had some luck left. He shook off the things that had been sitting on his mind the last three days he was out in the snow.

He remembered the moment he had found blood on the snow, and the dread that had gripped his being, that had driven his mind to call out her name inspite of knowing the risks. He remembered the memory that had flashed in his mind at the moment, the image of Sarah in his arms, her final breath.

He looked back at Ellie now, saw her eyes on the ground as she followed him solemnly, carrying her bow by her side. He could breathe peacefully when he laid eyes on her.

He had redressed her roughly covered wound, and had cut off the edges of the flesh to avoid any discomfort while she walked, because she refused to let him carry her. Her face was still red, her breathing a little quick.

He stopped her, placing a hand in front of her as she walked. She looked up at him, the same accusing glance that made him nervous. He removed his backpack and slung it on one shoulder.

'Climb on,' he said, kneeling down in front of her, his back facing her.

'Pfft,' she looked away, like she didn't need it. She folded her arms across her chest and looked down into the valley, the flowing river, listened to the sounds of the water. Joel didn't give up, simply sat there in front of her, his back facing her. She hung her arms and sighed, rolling her eyes.

'This doesn't change anything,' she muttered under he breath, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and he held her knees up on either sides of his back and walked ahead.

They went the rest of the way quietly, among the eerie silence of the snow covered forest. Ellie rested her chin on Joel's shoulder, her eyes on the ground as he walked ahead. She found herself thinking of Riley, of the hazy hallucinations she had had last night in her delirium. She closed her eyes, remembering her voice, her words.

She was tired of remembering her as something that was a mistake, associating her with everything that was wrong with the world. She didn't want to grow sad whenever she remembered Riley, because Riley was the opposite of it. She was full of life.

She didn't want to turn her into a reminder of the sorrow she had come across, or a symbol of her remorse. She wanted to see her smiling, laughing, running and leaping. The way she had been.

She opened her eyes again, and looked at Joel. Her lips parted, and she mumbled, 'I miss Riley.'

Joel looked sideways, saw the shadow of her form. He took a deep breath, and looked back ahead.

'That's all we can do for the departed,' he mumbled, his voice gentle. 'Remember them.'

Ellie opened her mouth to ask something else, but hesitated. She knew this was a hard subject for him, talking about his daughter. She waited a few seconds, built up her courage. He did talk about her a few times, but it was rare. Even when he did, she saw the oblivion his eyes travelled to, felt the distance he immediately developed from everything and everyone, even her.

'Do you miss her?', she asked, her voice meek.

He didn't reply for a while, and when he did, his voice was so low she had barely heard it.

'Everyday.'

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! I'll try updating asap, meanwhile please support me and follow/review. Constructive criticism is also much appreciated!**

 **Also, Merry Christmas everybody :)**


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six: Hearth

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

Hearth

* * *

Snowflakes fell before Ellie's eyes as they walked into the dam. Joel gently let her down on the table, as Angelica and Vera rushed to her, tended to her wound.

It was two hours until new year's, but the couple stayed back with Joel and Ellie until her wound was dressed and her medicine was given. She was still a bit sick, although most of it had subsided. So Joel took her straight home and lay her down on her bed.

She coughed once, as she leaned against the headboard. 'I fucking hate being sick,' she mumbled. Joel gave a wry smile as he embraced her, and pulled back to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked hesitant about something, her eyes shifting from him to different things.

'Get some sleep now, alright?' he said softly, and she nodded, her eyebrows drawn apart in worry. He reluctantly moved back and stood up, turned to make his way to the door.

'Joel, wait,' Ellie called. He glanced at her.

'Don't go off again without telling me, okay?' she said, her eyes wide and concerned. 'And next time you do, take me with you.' She sniffed, blowing her nose on her coat sleeve. 'Saves me all the fucking trouble of tracking you down and following you.'

Joel gave her a nod, and wished her good night, closing the door behind him. He stood on the other side, his mind still wound around what she had said. With a deep breath, he went downstairs, saw Vera in the living room, her hands folded across her chest, her face twisted with a perturbed frown.

'Is she okay?' she asked, and Joel nodded.

He looked at the clock on the table, and saw that the time was 11:30. Half an hour to a new year.

He remembered Tommy telling him that Kenda was in the clinic, and had received her dose just a few hours back. He though of visiting her, but his eyes instinctively turned to Ellie's room, to her closed door.

He went back upstairs and opened the door, saw her still leaning against the headboard, her eyes on the window outside.

She turned to him, slightly surprised. 'What's up?' she asked feebly, as he walked in, slowly sat down beside her on the bed.

He fought with himself in his head, finding a proper way to say things, trying to put them down without digging out old wounds.

'I know winter is hard for you,' he began, and felt a pang of hurt in his chest when he saw her lowering her eyes, playing with her thumbs on the covers.

'But uhh . .' he shrugged, pointing at the window. 'It's new year's. Tommy told me they celebrate it well over here,' he said, observing her hopeful eyes as she looked back at him.

'What do you do, on a new year's?' she asked, shrugging.

Joel felt a smile crawl onto his lips, as he moved closer to her, telling her about the times twenty years ago, the leisures of the era, the luxuries they could afford back then.

'They sing, dance, eat,' he began. 'They do this countdown ten seconds before twelve o'clock.'

'I've seen those,' she mumbled. 'Saw it in some movie. It looked interesting.'

'Let's go then,' Joel said, standing up.

Ellie looked up at him reluctantly, shrugging. 'I look like shit right now,' she said. She gestured to her injured leg, and mumbled in frustration, 'I can't even fucking walk.'

'That's alright, kiddo. I got you,' Joel said, his voice light, an end of his lips turned up in a small smile. Before she could protest, he pulled her hands onto his shoulders and carried her piggy-back style again.

'Joel, you don't have to,' he heard her saying, as he went downstairs. 'Y-You've been carrying me for hours. We can just skip it.'

Vera was waiting in the hall, and looked at them incredulously as Joel brought her to the door, beckoned her with his free hand.

* * *

Ellie felt the hesitation in her, the awkwardness as Joel carried her to the stables, Vera by their side. She had never seen a celebration before, let alone a New year's party. It always felt like a distant dream to her, when she watched the scenes in movies, read about it in books. That people everywhere would gather at different places to mark the beginning of a new year, to dare to hope for better things and celebrate.

They could catch the brilliant lights from streets away, saw the people in the stable as they approached. It was even better than what Ellie had seen before.

All the lights had been strung up, and some of them were left hanging to the floor at random places, strewn around poles and empty trees. Spherical paper lamps hung from above, and a wide table was placed in the centre, on which Ellie saw more food than she had ever seen in her entire life.

Tommy saw them and came over, saying that they were just in time for the countdown.

Joel gently sat Ellie down on a table with Maria and stood beside her, as they watched the people in the grounds, gathered around the centre, beginning the countdown.

'How come you're not in there?' Joel asked Maria, taking a seat beside her. She shrugged, simply said, 'Not a big fan of parties.'

'Whoa,' Ellie uttered, her lips curling in a smile. She heard the voices, all of them- men, women and children, counting from ten, going backwards.

Tommy rushed towards them, hurriedly carried Ellie on his shoulders and took Vera's hand, led them into the circle. Ellie glanced back at Joel reluctantly, and he gave her a reassuring smile. He watched as Tommy raised Ellie's hands up, and she joined the people in a feeble, hesitant voice, but a wide, carefree smile.

Joel saw Ellie laughing, as the glittering confetti fell over her, mingled with the snow. He saw them getting caught in her hair, saw her laughing towards the sky, her form lined with gold from the lights behind her, her eyes twinkling.

For a moment, when her form passed over a golden light and her silhouette glanced at him, he thought she changed- and thought he saw her, with the short golden hair, the black beaded necklace and freckles between her eyes.

The same innocent smile.

He could hear the song from the background that people danced to, in slow, dreamy movements- footsteps light, hands fleeting. Otis Redding's rusty voice sounded, striking a chord in his heart.

 _'I was born by a river, oh man, in this little old tent,_

 _Just like this river, I've been running ever since_

 _It's been a long, long time coming_

 _But I know, a change is gotta come . ._

 _It's been too hard living, oh my_

 _And I'm afraid to die_

 _I don't know what's up there_

 _Beyond the clouds . .'_

His eyes travelled to his hands, his mind racing back years and dipping into the past, comparing the old, dirty skin on his fingers to their state back then. He remembered holding the bundle in his hands, feeling the incredible warmth she emanated, like he was clutching a hearth to his heart. Her soft breaths as she fell asleep in layers of wool, and he sang to her. He looked back at Ellie, felt a wry smile on his lips as he saw her laughing.

Joel took a sharp breath, gathering himself as he noticed Maria observing him. He looked at her, and asked, 'How's Kenda doin'?'

'She's better,' Maria nodded. 'She's asleep at the infirmary. Better if you see her tomorrow morning.'

'Yeah,' Joel mumbled. With a slight grunt, he got up, and said to Maria, 'I'm gonna take off. Just make sure the girls get home safe, alright?'

'Where are you going?' Maria asked, her voice soft, unlike her usual self. 'Stay. She could use your company for a while.'

Joel glanced at Ellie again, and then gave a small shrug. 'Too old for parties now . . I'll see you tomorrow.'

'Okay, then,' Maria smiled wamrly. She got up and gave Joel a friendly pat on the shoulder.

'Good night, old man,' she gave a small smile, and left to join Tommy, who still had Ellie on his shoulders, Vera swirling and laughing beside him, making Ellie laugh in turn.

 _'But there was a time that I thought_

 _Lord this couldn't last for very long, oh my_

 _Somehow I thought I was still able to try to carry on_

 _It's been a long, long time coming_

 _But I know, but I know a change is gotta come,_

 _It's been so long, it's been so long, a little too long_

 _A change has gotta come . .'_

Joel could still hear the faint music as he walked out of the stables. Once in a while, there were hoots, applause, laughter. All distant, but still pulling an end of his lips into a smile. On a cold, snow-covered street, he walked back alone, his form disappearing behind a golden halo from a lamp light.

* * *

 **-END-**

* * *

 **A/N: Welp so this is done. Any body interested can read the continued story, I'll be publishing it shortly as part ll of the same name.**

 **The song I used is 'A change is gonna come' from the Otis Blue record. It just sits so perfectly with the characters guys. The pain, longing and hope in his voice describes their story so well.**

 **I just can't give up on Joel and Ellie's story guys they're so beautiful. The characters are just too close to my heart and I can't let them go. Gonna keep writing till I can't I guess. Thanks for reading! Please leave a review about the story if you enjoyed. I'd really appreciate it, your support will help me keep up with part 2 :)**


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